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sua_layAuthor: Rimau Sua Lay
Rating: overall NC-17, Angst, Drama, Action/Adventure, First Time
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Snape, Ron/Draco, (Sirius/Remus)
Date: December 2002 - May 2007
Disclaimers: Not mine, borrowed without permission, am not making any money. Please don't sue. Sherbet Lemon?
Summary for Book Five: - It's time to try to save the world. Fools and idiots may be the wizards' only hope. Revenge does indeed taste strange. Kinda furry.
Warning: This part contains deaths, gore, total stupidity, explicit sex between men, disturbing themes and angst.
The earlier parts of the fic can be found here.
Hands still cramping from clutching onto the broom all morning, Harry looked around the room, finding the meeting a bit strange after days of actually doing things instead of just talking.
But right now, this was more important than going through the swoops and formations again. His air force could practice without him for an hour or two.
"We need to make final decisions on the task forces." He knew they should have probably done this ages ago, but every decision seemed to be final in a morbid way, and he'd wanted to postpone the inevitable just a little while longer.
There were nods, people already gathered in small groups as if they had only been waiting for him to say it out loud.
"When the time is right," Harry said, "Remus and Sirius will take care of the smuggling business. They need people with knowledge about the Dark Creatures with them."
The long hours of training and classes had drawn people to their areas of expertise, and it didn't take long for the ones who felt competent on this to raise their hands and then migrate to the two wizards.
Harry didn't say anything as Hermione joined them.
"Good. Then we need people to take care of Voldemort's strongholds. We can not leave them any place to fall back to."
This time, no one said a word about destroying homes. People simply waited for Harry to call out places and then made decisions of where to go, choosing either the smaller, more remote mansions that would be taken down soon, probably the following days, or the larger estates.
Leaning back against the backrest, Harry let his mind wander as people talked, confirming plans about the big battle they were now looking forward to.
The main force of their army would stay at Hogwarts and face the Death Eaters. Though that battle would undoubtedly be formidable, it was the smaller operations that could well turn the tide of the whole war.
It wasn't exactly a matter of choice anymore. The preparations for everything had been set in motion a long time ago, when Dumbledore's words had made it clear that this war would be won or lost at the conference table and not on the field.
Harry tried to keep that in mind, but he couldn't really ignore the clenching in his gut that told him that as usual, Dumbledore had not been completely truthful with his words.
Whatever would happen before the battle would be easy to plan, especially the small attacks that were meant to drive Voldemort to actually attack. No one could really predict what would happen when the battle was engaged.
The silence in the room jolted him out of his thoughts, and he looked around, wondering what had caused the uncomfortable mood.
It didn't take a genius to guess.
"I think I should be the one leading the operation to the Mansion."
Harry knew he should have told Draco to stay with the others at the pitch. "Out of the question." He could see others around him nod at his stern words. "You're already involved with the air force, and I need you in the air."
Draco shook his head. "You'll need my expertise." He didn't want to say this, but had to. "I know the place better than anyone, I know all the secrets. When we go to my... the Malfoy Mansion, I should be there to guide our people."
He'd been over this in his head, and there was really no other option for him. He'd spent his childhood sneaking through the endless corridors of the Mansion, snooping around, following the house elves and the visitors who had always seemed to sneak around in silence, casting furtive looks around as if they were afraid of every shadow.
"No." Harry wasn't going to let Draco go anywhere near that place. "You're needed in the air with us. End of discussion."
Arrogance almost drove Draco to his feet, but then he realized that Harry was probably trying to protect him. Even with all the show of friendship and the quiet conversations they'd had, this still managed to shock him to the core. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but it's my place to..."
"... do as I tell you." It came out more easily that Harry could have ever imagined.
He wasn't going to let Draco do something as bravely idiotic as that. It would be hard enough to face the people who would come for them, Draco's former friends, his housemates. His family. Going back to destroy his own house was inconceivable, and Harry wasn't going to add a friend's nightmares to his list of future regrets.
Draco nodded slightly, acknowledging Harry's words as truth on one level. Yes, his place as one of the Order of the Phoenix was to do as their leader told him to do. But he was not going to let Harry operate on foolish sentimentality when he knew quite well that this gave them strategic advantage. "I know. But it has to be me. No one else knows that place as well as I do."
Besides, it felt like it was his duty to do this, no matter how foolish it sounded.
He had definitely been spending too much time around Gryffindors.
"We will find someone else."
Seeing the stubborn way Harry was clenching his jaw almost made Draco roll his eyes. There were days he could honestly say he liked and even grudgingly respected Harry, but sometimes he thought he needed a swift kick in the backside. "Who?"
He wondered if Harry had any idea of what he was talking about. The Mansion was huge with corridors that went on and on, rooms hidden behind tapestries, vaults hidden cleverly in plain sight so that one would simply walk by and never even know what was there. Then there were the levels below ground, the dungeons no one could have possibly memorized completely.
"I think that should be rather obvious."
Both young men turned to stare at Snape who was sitting next to Minerva McGonagall, looking as calm as ever.
Harry was the first one to realize just exactly what he meant. "No!" The exclamation was instinctive, but came out without any real fire, as if he already knew he couldn't win this argument.
"I know the Malfoy Mansion, especially all the places where Lucius has been performing the Dark Arts as well as most of the vaults." Snape didn't have to add how he'd managed to gather that information. "Furthermore, I am completely capable of defending myself against whatever surprises they have left there."
Before Harry could say anything, professor McGonagall turned to face Snape, her hand touching his sleeve softly. "Severus, surely you can not mean you would actually go back there!"
"I don't want to go there." It was the absolute truth, the memories of the Mansion not considerably more pleasant to Snape than they were to Minerva. "But I do believe that should be my part in the fight."
Harry's throat squeezed shut, silencing all the arguments. He wanted to scream and shout and absolute forbid Snape from doing anything as dangerous as that, but what good would that do? They would have to leave the Mansion to the last and destroy it when Voldemort's people had left, and that meant that while Harry and the Order faced the Death Eaters at Hogwarts, others would be sneaking through the corridors of the Mansion.
It would be dangerous on so many level, but the alternative was probably even worse.
He knew that leading the Order into battle meant that he would lead people to their death; good people, those he had known half his life. Would it be any better to have Snape facing the Death Eaters on the field than to have him in the Mansion?
Harry didn't want to make such a decision, not for people he loved, but there was really no way he could shelter them from harm.
He looked at Snape, ignoring the way other Order members were staring at him, silently begging him to consider it.
Snape looked straight back, his gaze burning dark.
No one in the room made a sound, the tension growing until it reached an uncomfortable level, but still no one moved or said anything to break it.
Harry hadn't objected on Sirius going on a mission, but it had been decided months ago, when they had first heard about Voldemort's plans on using the Dark Creatures. That had been Dumbledore's call.
He'd known Ron would stand by his brothers, just as he'd known Hermione would go wherever her knowledge would be needed the most.
There was no way on earth he would order Snape to do this, but even with the man volunteering, he felt nauseous. It wasn't just that the Mansion was a familiar place to Snape, the place was dangerous, and sending anyone there wasn't easier than telling them to stand by him on the battlefield.
"Are you sure?" Lips numb, he forced the question out. Seeing Snape nod curtly, he repeated, "I mean it. Are you absolute sure about this?" There was really no alternative he could offer Snape, or indeed anyone. It had gone beyond choosing between fighting and trying to find another way years ago.
Snape nodded. "Yes."
The hand on his arm tightened convulsively, McGonagall's fingers closing over his Dark Mark through the cloth unintentionally.
Knowing all too well that he might one day look back to this and regret ever agreeing to any of this lunacy, Harry said quietly, "All right. You will lead the operation to Malfoy Mansion."
His mouth tasted horrible as he said that.
There were soft whispers in the room, people who hadn't attended the smaller Order meetings now looking at them with curiosity evident on their face. Harry pretended he didn't notice, ignoring every word.
He would have to avoid the newspapers like the plague. If anyone dared to comment of the hero of their word sending his lover to face almost certain death... He didn't even know what would happen next.
It now felt incredible that he had once stood by and let Arthur Weasley face the idiots who had tried to hurt Snape. He wasn't sure what had changed, or if indeed anything really had, but if something like that happened now, he wouldn't simply deal with the issue. He would probably do something too awful to even contemplate.
Snape had been right about one aspect; forming bonds of attachment with people made life more difficult on occasion. Not that Harry regretted anything he had with Snape. He only regretted he had to be a part of this charade, now more than ever.
"Er... I think I'll join your expedition, if you don't mind, Snape." Arabella Figg's voice rang oddly loud in the room.
As if relieved that someone had broken the awkward silence, there were a few others to join in as well.
Bill Weasley hesitated as one of his colleagues from the Cursebreaking department made a comment about them needing professional curse breakers at the vaults, casting looks at his father and Charlie before looking at Harry, clearly unable to make his mind.
It was clear to Harry that the Weasleys were less interested in destroying the Malfoy ancestral home than they were in destroying the lord of the mansion. He couldn't blame him.
He wasn't going to order the Weasleys around. Arthur would most likely stand firm on the Hogwarts ground, their new Acting Minister completely unable to hide behind his status. Charlie and George would fly with Harry. Bill and Ron could choose where they went, both eager to join the fight.
Harry was just glad that Percy was nowhere to be seen in the meetings and that everyone had agreed that Ginny was too young to take any part in this.
Leaning back on his chair again, Harry listened to the discussion half heartedly. He didn't have anything to contribute to the discussion anymore. It was all too clear that people around him used their training to figure out what to do on their own.
That was the only good thing about this situation.
Snape leaned closer to him, paying no real attention to the fact that people were staring. "Thank you for not making a scene." He paused, and then added more quietly, "We should have discussed this earlier."
Yes, they should have. The only problem was that Harry didn't think of any time that would have been good for such a discussion. Maybe it was better this way. Now they all had things to concentrate on, and he didn't have extra time on his hands to wallow in the pointless anxiety the thought of losing Snape caused.
Letting out a little laugh, Harry muttered, "I don't think talking would have made any difference."
"Perhaps so," Snape admitted.
Harry looked at him, realizing that Snape knew exactly what was waiting for them. Funny how it could hit him so hard, even after all the countless hours of talking about war and fighting and death with this man. He had been so angry then, so frightened, and nothing had been able to drive those emotions completely away.
They were still there, right under the surface. But now there was also hope, fierce hope about the future. All the things he could lose were also things he would fight for; everything he shared with Snape were worth fighting for and dying for if needs be.
He didn't think it was selfish of him to think about such a big thing with such definitions. Why should he be any different from anyone else? They might all think about their world and freedom, but in the end, everyone fought to keep their loved ones safe.
"I still worry, you know," he muttered quietly so that no one else would hear.
Snape looked at him for a moment before nodding slowly. "I may share your misgivings on the situation as well." With that, he turned his attention back to the conversation that was still going on.
Lips twitching a little, as if trying to fight a huge grin that would be completely inappropriate, Harry let Arthur Weasley draw him into a small argument about the Ministry.
It was strange how easily everyone accepted their parts in this. Weeks of training had called everyone to focus on the war, and no one seemed to question the logic behind all the plans. Harry was glad for that. The way people talked about the upcoming battle as a certainty was better than the endless questions.
Plans made, they called it a day right before dinner time.
People walked out of the headquarters in small groups. It was a habit by now; no one traveled alone, not even the few blocks to their quarters. Hogsmeade was safe -- or as safe as any place could be -- but it was still best not to tempt fate.
Harry waited patiently for Ron to finish saying goodbye to his father and brothers so that they could all walk back home together.
The others were already by the door, Remus and Hermione standing between Snape and Sirius. They didn't even seem to be conscious about it anymore, all staying together as a silent agreement. Most of the time, the small group didn't even attract much attention, except for the few curious looks people threw at Snape every now and then.
"Harry." Hermione nudged at him, shifting parchments under her arm. "Do you have any plans for the evening?"
The glance at Snape was involuntary. "Er... No. Not really." Nothing beyond the usual. Dinner, maybe joining Snape downstairs to watch him brew, snuggling down with him if they were tired, but most likely something more vigorous.
Hermione smiled. "I see." It was clear she knew exactly what Harry meant.
"Oh hush," Harry muttered. He liked the matter of fact way Hermione was talking to him about what he shared with Snape, but there was no reason for the smugness. They weren't as bad as Ron and Draco after all, not keeping anyone up with all the ruckus.
"I didn't say anything!" Still smiling, Hermione turned to look at Ron who was walking towards them. "At least you're not as bad as Ron and Malfoy." There was a slight edge to her voice, as if she still didn't really approve them.
Harry thought it made her sound exactly like McGonagall. Ignoring he'd just thought the same a moment ago, he gestured towards the door. "If you say so." He was pretty sure she was lying.
