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sua_layAuthor: Rimau Sua Lay
Rating: overall NC-17, Angst, Drama, Action/Adventure, First Time
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Snape, Ron/Draco, (Sirius/Remus)
Date: December 2002 - May 2007
Disclaimers: Not mine, borrowed without permission, am not making any money. Please don't sue. Sherbet Lemon?
Summary for Book Five: - It's time to try to save the world. Fools and idiots may be the wizards' only hope. Revenge does indeed taste strange. Kinda furry.
Warning: This part contains deaths, gore, total stupidity, explicit sex between men, disturbing themes and angst.
The earlier parts of the fic can be found here.
Getting dressed again after hours of blissful nakedness seemed wrong somehow, but Harry had to agree that they actually needed to eat at some point.
He wondered if the others would leave them be if they never emerged from their room again, and then decided it wasn't worth risking. Spending most of the day in bed with Snape was one thing. Having Sirius die of a heart attack was another.
Snape finished his ablutions first, adamant on going downstairs when he was ready instead of waiting for Harry.
This was his life now, and no matter how most of his hours spent in this house would undoubtedly be spent in the small rooms in the cellar or in the large bed in Harry's -- he was still wary of calling it theirs unlike Harry who seemed to revel in the thought -- bedroom, he was not about to back away from any battles.
He was not going to let Harry steer him away from those either.
Draco Malfoy was the first person he encountered downstairs, and he idly wondered if the boy had been standing guard, waiting for him.
"Professor Snape." There was the barest hint of a smirk on Draco's lips. "Dinner isn't served yet. Would you care to join us in the living room?" He made a gesture towards the door.
Accepting the offer with a nod, Snape followed Malfoy, listening to the effortless small talk half heartedly while looking at the small group of people who were trying to look as if they hadn't been waiting for anyone.
He was surprised to see Black in his human form. Usually the mutt seemed to prefer looking like the shaggy beast he truly was when he was feeling more unbalanced than usual.
Snape nodded curtly at everyone, ignoring Weasley's half-grimace and the way Black growled at him.
He simply sat on the couch.
Black and Lupin had been in the middle of a discussion, and since Snape was only going to sit here and wait, they went on with it, soon turning the whole thing into an amicable argument.
At least the other Gryffindors seemed to be able to sit relatively quietly, Weasley fiddling with chess pieces and trying not to look at anyone, and Granger reading a book.
Snape didn't know what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't really this cozy scene.
The whole day had been full of small surprises, leaving him rather restless. Even though the thought of being able to organize his new working place soon and the reality of spending most of the day in bed with a very eager Harry Potter were pleasant, he was still waiting for things to turn ugly. Whenever it looked like something was too good to be true, it usually was.
At least Lupin's comments were keeping Black too busy to turn his attention on him. Snape had the feeling that would change soon enough.
And Merlin, those two could still bicker! It was as if he was transported back in time to the Great Hall to suffer through yet another of the foolish arguments. He hoped they would actually stop their childishness before dinner was served, since he for one wasn't going to suffer through this as he ate.
Watching over first years wasn't as annoying as this.
Sirius looked up just in time to see Snape's exasperated look, and it was enough to break his tirade. Why on earth should he nag at Remus when he could have a real fight with Snape?
Especially now that Harry wasn't down here to disapprove.
He glowered at Snape and growled, "What?"
Looking slowly from Black to Lupin and back again, Snape said, "I see you two are still quarreling like an old married couple." He waited for the inevitable explosion.
Which never came.
Divided between his promise to both Harry and Remus and the very urgent need to punch that sneering look out of Snape's ugly face, Sirius curled his hand into a fist. The git would indeed look much better with that unnaturally large nose of his smashed into bloody pulp.
He took a deep breath, fingernails scraping his palm as he squeezed his hand tighter into a fist, but he managed to hold still.
"That is a fairly accurate assessment of the situation, yes." Gaze gleaming with mirth, Remus looked from Sirius to Snape, his hand touching Sirius' arm slightly.
The first time he'd ever heard that jibe had been at school, and it had made both him and his friend act awkwardly towards each other for weeks, both fearing they were revealing too much. Now it didn't make him want to hide anymore; it was more like a compliment than an insult.
Snape turned his attention to Lupin, malicious amusement clear on his face. "Indeed?" Not really a question. The mutt and his werewolf were not exactly what he would call discreet. "My deepest condolences."
"What? No other comments or jokes about us?" Sirius was waiting for the predictable nasty words, and was stunned when there were none.
"That would be rather hypocritical right now, wouldn't it Black?" Snape asked snidely, finding his own words annoying as soon as they left his lips, and glared at Black as if it was all his fault.
Sirius glared right back, wanting nothing more than to jump up and strangle Snape for all the things he'd just said and more importantly for the things he'd barely hinted at.
The way Remus cleared his throat distracted him for just a moment, but it was enough to remind him just exactly why he wasn't supposed to use violence towards the slimy Slytherin. Too bad the reason was exactly the same that made him so mad in the first place.
He wasn't going to do anything that would make Harry unhappy. Keeping his gaze on Remus' eyes, he repeated that until the urge to hit Snape dissipated just a little.
Snape pointedly ignored the exchange of looks.
There were more sounds coming from the kitchen, accompanied by delicious scents that made Crookshanks uncurl at the windowsill and stretch himself.
The cat jumped to the floor and padded quietly to the door, rubbing his cheek against the doorframe as if it would somehow allow him to enter. When the door stayed shut, he let out a disappointed sound, and then headed to Hermione, where he enjoyed the pat on his head before making a tour around the room, sniffing at everyone.
Keeping an eye on the cat, Snape raised an eyebrow at the way Draco Malfoy seemed to be uncomfortable with the way the creature kept staring at him.
Snape on the other hand sat and watched the cat make his round.
"Crookshanks..." Hermione called out as the ginger cat went to rub his whole body against Snape's legs, leaving tufts of hair on the black trousers.
Snape simply stared at the cat, who seemed to be content making another brush against him. "I see your kneazle is showing all the proper Gryffindor traits as well." Mainly complete disregard on the glare and stubbornly flaunting his affections.
"He's only half-kneazle," Hermione corrected, as if she was unable to let it pass. "And thank you, sir." Her expression was solemn, but there was laughter in her eyes, as if she knew perfectly well that it wasn't a compliment.
The way Snape sneered at that was definitely not unexpected.
"You should be careful, Crookshanks." Turning his attention to the cat, Sirius warned, "Snape there might want to cut you into a potion."
"Thank you for yet another example of your wit, Black. Any second year should know that the only part of a kneazle you can use in a potion is its hair." Snape brushed some of it off his pants, staring at Sirius pointedly.
Sirius glared at that.
There were footsteps coming from the hallway, and then Harry pushed the door open. Most of the people in the room turned to stare at him, with only Snape still concentrating on Crookshanks who was rubbing his face against his shoes.
"Hi, Harry," Ron said, as if making sure there would be no awkward silence was the most important thing in the world.
Sirius barely noticed the way Remus' hand had tightened on his arm. All he could concentrate was the way Harry's hair seemed wet, like after a shower, and he really didn't want to think about why Harry would need a shower before dinner. He also didn't want to think about what he'd been doing all day and with whom.
But even he couldn't miss noticing the way Harry's gaze went immediately to Snape even as he answered Ron's greeting, and how the heartwrenchingly familiar smile appeared on his lips the moment he saw the git.
It was the one thing that kept him sitting still until dinner was served.
Dinner was almost a repetition of the lunchtime awkwardness, with the exception that even Sirius seemed to have found his appetite again.
"Would you like some more juice, professor?" Hermione asked, noticing Snape's glass was empty. She didn't want to witness another glaring match.
"Thank you, Miss. Granger." Snape nodded at her politely and reached out with his glass, ignoring the way both Black and Weasley stared at him. He noticed that Remus Lupin was having a hard time not showing his amusement, and that even young Malfoy was hiding a smirk.
He decided not to ask what it was all about. These idiots would undoubtedly tell him sooner or later anyway.
Hermione smiled at him and poured him the juice. "You're welcome, professor. And please. It's Hermione." With all the glaring and the tension, she wanted to show the man some support.
The blank stare Snape aimed at her spoke volumes.
"Er... Or Miss. Granger. Whatever you prefer, sir." Wondering if she'd overstepped her bounds, Hermione turned her attention back to her food.
That was the extent of small talk during the dinner.
Finishing with his food, Harry took the offered cup of tea and leaned back on his chair. He was feeling better than in ages, the day off from the constant worrying about the war as good an idea as spending most of the day in bed with Snape.
Tomorrow would be back to business; there would be lots of paperwork waiting as well as the inevitable meetings and he would have to concentrate on that again.
Sighing, he stared at his tea a while longer and then looked up. "Okay. I'm glad we've all come to decide on the awkward silence instead of the yelling and name calling and cursing."
"Harry..." Looking concerned, Remus tried to think of a way to dissolve the tension, but there was nothing to really say.
"I don't mind the silence. It's better than some things I could name." The expression on Harry's face told he'd already named most of them. "I just want to be sure we can actually talk about things and not just explode and start fighting when it gets too awkward."
Sirius looked at Harry, knowing his words were mostly aimed at him, but what on earth could he say? That he wanted Snape out of their lives? That should be obvious by now, but saying it out loud would change nothing.
"I think we can manage."
No one seemed surprised when it was Remus who said the words and even sounded like he meant them.
Casting a brief look at Sirius and then at Snape, he added, "We're all adults here, so I think..." His voice trailed off when Sirius gazed at him with disbelief and Snape simply raised an eyebrow. "We'll manage if we concentrate on the here and now."
Sirius didn't think that concentrating on Snape living here and making Harry grin goofily was any better than concentrating on the past, but Remus had a point. "Okay."
There was a brief pause until Snape nodded. "I agree. Dwelling on things past won't change anything." His voice was cold, though, saying clearly he was still not forgetting what had happened years ago.
It was clear he wasn't finished, and Remus cocked his head slightly. "But?"
"There is something I must insist on." Ignoring the glare thrown at him by Black, Snape kept looking at Remus, a hint of caution creeping into his gaze.
Since there didn't seem to be any malice in the way Snape looked at him, Remus managed a smile. "Let me guess. You want me to stay in our room during the full moon with wards on the door?" He didn't even need to see Snape's nod to know he'd guessed correctly.
He wasn't surprised by the whole thing. What Sirius had done years ago had almost destroyed him and killed Snape; it wasn't something either would exactly forget.
The way Snape was sitting there, waiting for him to go on was however astonishing. They had never discussed the matter beyond a few angry retorts from Snape every time he handed him his Wolfsbane, which was a gesture of the man's professionalism and definitely not of his forgiveness.
Before he could say anything else, Sirius growled, "You have no right to ask that!" He'd known it would come to this.
"Yes, he does." Remus' tone was gentle, a striking contrast to Sirius' rage. He didn't want to say more or point out that Sirius had made it damn clear Snape would have the right to ask that by creating the whole issue in the first place.
There were so many things about the past they could fight about, and Remus knew there were questions he would probably want to ask later on, things that even now nagged at him. But this would lead nowhere. "He does have the right to ask."
Sirius was holding on to the tabletop, knuckles turning white. He was trying to calm his breathing, face red and eyes blazing with rage. Hearing the quiet words that held so many memories but no recrimination, he seemed to deflate, losing most of his rage under the pain. "Remus..."
"It's all right." Touching Sirius' hand gently, Remus smiled. "Let it be."
Watching the exchange in silence, Snape was shocked by how quickly Black seemed to agree with Lupin and the almost desperate need for approval so evident in him. His memory of the man was somewhat different, the arrogance oozing from Black had been the most notable trait in him when they had all still been students at Hogwarts, and he'd not seen anything in the Order meetings that would dispel that memory.
He realized that his words about Black being less than sane had been more correct than he could have guessed.
Nevertheless, it wasn't Black's mental state that made him murmur at Lupin, "I would appreciate it."
"Of course." Still holding Sirius' hand, Remus nodded. He would raise the wards, just as he would let Snape watch him drink the Wolfsbane if he wanted to. Not willing to mention his one time lapse three years ago in front of Sirius and the children, Remus hoped Snape wouldn't either.
Acknowledging the somber tone even more than the words, Snape raised his tea cup. "Thank you." Seeing Black's eyes widen at the simple courtesy never ceased to amuse him.
He ignored the way most of the other Gryffindors seemed to be beaming at him and continued drinking his tea.
There were no other comments, and when everyone had finished with their meal, no one seemed to want to stay in the living room for a quiet conversation.
But there was less of the awkward tension Harry had mentioned.
Snape didn't say anything about the dinner as he shut the bedroom door behind him, not commenting on the weird scene in the hallway with Weasley glaring at Malfoy followed by frantic scrambling into one of the other bedrooms either.
He was going to miss the peace and quiet of his dungeons, but maybe living with these people wouldn't be as bad as he'd thought.
Especially if they gave him privacy when he worked.
Taking off his robes, Snape cast a look at Harry who was very pointedly folding his own clothes on the chair he'd taken from the dungeons. It was a domestic sight of sorts, one that reminded Snape of something that had been said earlier.
He didn't think he should comment on the scene with Lupin and Black, but curiosity drove him to ask about the thing Granger had brought up. "Would you prefer calling me Severus from now on?" Offering the use of his first name did seem logical.
Harry dropped his sock on the floor, gawking with mild shock at the non sequitur. "You want me to call you Severus?" The name felt strange on his lips. He wasn't certain he really wanted to call Snape that.
He didn't know why. Maybe because all these years, he'd got used to the man and his name and changing that perception would tell people things had changed. Even though he didn't mind everyone knowing what was between him and Snape, he didn't want to sound as if he was somehow seeing Snape in a completely different light.
"Not necessarily." There were only a few people who called Snape by his first name, mostly his colleagues, and even they seemed to choke on it from time to time. "It doesn't really matter to me."
"Okay. Do you want to call me Harry?"
Snape thought for a moment. Did he? He already thought of the twerp as Harry anyway. "Whatever you prefer." He had no opinion on the matter.
"I think I'd like to call you... Snape. If that's all right with you." Harry liked the name. It suited Snape, and he was probably the only person in the whole world who said it with fondness. Usually it was almost like a curse.
Nodding, Snape lifted the covers and sat on the bed. "It is my name." As long as Harry didn't call him with any of the nauseating nicknames the Gryffindors seemed to like -- the four idiots from his school years taking it to the extreme -- he didn't really care.
"Snape. Okay. And you can call me Harry if you want to." Most of the people already called him that anyway. "Or Potter." Harry knew Snape would probably just call him idiot.
It was nice to crawl into bed, feeling exhausted and shagged out. Harry didn't mention the dinner, knowing that awkward didn't begin to describe it, but also feeling that it could have gone so much worse.
No one had been hexed, no one had left the house in anger. That was something.
Snuggling against Snape in the dark, muttering the usual "Good night," Harry thought that this moment alone was worth all the awkwardness.
