Fic: No Hiding Place book Five: High in the Sky (12/28)

[sua_lay]

Title: No Hiding Place: Book Five: High In The Sky (12/28)
Author: Rimau Sua Lay
Rating: overall NC-17, Angst, Drama, Action/Adventure, First Time
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Snape, Ron/Draco, (Sirius/Remus)
Date: December 2002 - May 2007
Disclaimers: Not mine, borrowed without permission, am not making any money. Please don't sue. Sherbet Lemon?
Summary for Book Five: - It's time to try to save the world. Fools and idiots may be the wizards' only hope. Revenge does indeed taste strange. Kinda furry.
Warning: This part contains deaths, gore, total stupidity, explicit sex between men, disturbing themes and angst.

The earlier parts of the fic can be found here.

Part 12

"Harry! Back so early?" There was delight in Ron's voice as he watched Harry walk into the kitchen. He'd thought Harry would spend the whole day at Hogwarts and it was barely time for afternoon tea.

Harry let out a sigh and sat at the table, reaching for a scone without a thought. "Yeah." The vigorous activities after the lunch had made him hungry, and he was pretty sure that as soon as he said a word about Snape there would be no chance for him to eat. He'd probably have no appetite left either.

He accepted the cup of tea from Draco, but couldn't manage a smile.

Lowering the Witch Weekly -- he only read for the laughs and nothing more --, Sirius asked, "Everything all right then?"

Harry had no idea what to say to that. No, things were definitely not all right, but maybe this change would turn out to be just fine, if they got beyond the phase where he was mad at Dumbledore and everyone else yelled at him and doubted his sanity.

Looking around with a calm expression, he said, "There's something we need to talk about." He wondered if he was reaching with his optimism. It would probably turn into a real fight before he even finished telling the others about his plan.

Sirius looked suspicious, recognizing the tone. "I don't think I'm going to like this," he said to Remus, noticing how tense he was.

"No, you probably won't."

On the other side of the table, Ron put his cup down carefully. "What is it?"

"I had a meeting with Albus today. We agreed that it's time for everyone in the Order to concentrate on the fighting." Harry paused for a moment, wondering why he felt he needed to lie, and then realized that no matter how mad he kind of was at Albus, he didn't want to say things to humiliate Snape. "There'll be more people moving into Hogsmeade. Including Snape. It's not safe for him to stay in Hogwarts anymore."

He wasn't going to say a word about Slytherins turning on the Head of their House either. If his friends didn't figure out that on their own, it would remain a secret.

"No!" It came out even before Sirius had a chance to think about the whole thing. He didn't need time to think about this. "You are not moving out of this house! This is the safest place in Hogsmeade and I forbid you to leave because of that..." The firm touch of Remus' hand on his arm made him cut the sentence before he said something that would make Harry mad.

He was definitely grateful.

"You're thinking of leaving?" Ron couldn't believe it. "But... This is your house! You can't just leave." It would mean he'd have to move as well, because he was not going let Harry out of his sight.

Harry looked at Remus, seeing a hesitant look on his face. He hoped he was up to the explosion that would surely follow his next words. "If I don't leave, the only option is for me to stay. And I'm not going to stay anywhere without Snape."

They could have heard the faint tinkle of a Snitch's wings flutter in the silence that followed.

Ugly dark red color was spreading over Sirius' face. He was obviously trying very hard not to scream. Or smash things. He definitely looked like he wanted to smash things right now. Ron didn't look much better, squeezing his hands into fists.

After waiting for a moment, Harry said quietly, "I know most of you don't like Snape and I'm not saying that he's overly thrilled by this idea either. But this really is the safest place I know."

He couldn't believe how sick this was making him feel. Having Snape over for the night weeks ago had been relatively easy, since Sirius and Remus hadn't been home, but this would be different. He was beginning to doubt his plan, wondering if they could ever coexist under the same roof.

To his total dismay, he realized he didn't care. He wanted this, so everyone should bloody well try!

"Harry!" Ron and Sirius both paused as they heard each other say the name with equal amount of exasperation.

Ron motioned Sirius to go on. After all, he was Harry's godfather; he'd be able to make him listen. Besides, Sirius hated Snape even more than he did, so he'd do his best to be persuasive.

Leaning back, Draco watched the Gryffindors fight over Snape. It was ridiculous. He could live with people he'd once hated, what was so damn different with Snape?

"Harry..." Sirius made sure he didn't see Remus' expression, knowing that he'd feel either really guilty or he'd start to yell if he did. Keeping his voice level was already a hardship, all the anger he had inside was threatening to escape in frantic words. "He can survive. Look, he's survived this long. I doubt he'd even want to live here. With all of us. Besides, there's no room for his potions here."

He was actually proud that he was able to argue those points rationally.

"Stop. You and I both know that's not true. The point isn't the room here, it's that you don't want me to be with him."

Sirius nodded. "Yes. I don't want you anywhere near him, but..." He also didn't want to see the sad look in Harry's eyes. It was even worse than suffering that disgusting man. "Just think about it, Harry! Please. I don't want to live with that... man." That evil and revolting greasy git.

Next to him, Ron was nodding slowly. He could definitely get the point.

It was difficult for Harry to not yell at them. He knew Sirius would never drive him away, would never make him choose between his love and someone else. What Sirius gave him was unconditional. Getting him and Snape to get along would probably take decades. Even that was kind of pushing the optimism too far.

He wanted to say lots of things, logical things about their cause, the fight. Staying together meant being safer and they needed each other. He even wanted to bang his fist on the table and say that it really was his house and he needed Snape here.

In the end he closed his eyes for a few seconds. When he opened them again, there was nothing but sadness in his gaze. "Sirius... I love you." He held up a hand to stall the immediate reply. "But you have to understand that I also love..." Shocked, he paused before saying, "Snape." He hadn't meant to just say it like that.

But he couldn't take it back.

This time they could have probably heard the Snitch's wings beating above the practice pitch in Hogwarts.

Not ready to face any implications of his words, Harry pushed his chair back. He knew he was running away again, but he couldn't handle sitting here any longer.

"Harry, wait!" Sirius' voice was choked, full of suppressed rage and fear. "I didn't..." He had no idea what he wanted to say, but he knew he couldn't let Harry walk away like this.

"I know." Looking a bit hesitant, Harry glanced at Ron. Then his gaze slid over Draco and Remus until it rested on Sirius again. "Just... Before you say anything else, think about where you live." He made a little gesture with his hand. "Think about where you sleep."

Feeling there would be no other coherent words coming out, he turned around and walked out of the room.

Sirius turned to Remus, shaking. "What... I..." He didn't think he understood what Harry had just said. Yes, he knew they were all aware of where he slept, and he knew painfully clearly where Ron and Malfoy slept most of their nights -- if that could be called sleeping.

"He meant we should think hard about were we sleep, and then think where he sleeps," Remus explained quietly. "He's alone, Sirius. He probably feels completely alone right now."

"But... He's not alone! He has us! All of us!" The long arc of Sirius' gesture even included Draco in.

Remus nodded. His words weren't however agreeing. "He has us. But it's not enough." He hated the way his words brought that desperate expression on Sirius' face. Moving without thinking, he grabbed Sirius' hand. "He loves us just as much as we love him, Sirius. But that kind of love isn't enough. He needs someone who's there just for him. A lover. He has chosen Severus Snape to be that, and there is nothing you or I or anyone can do to change that."

The glint in Sirius' eyes turned angry. He couldn't even remember a time when he hadn't detested the greasy Slytherin. "I hate that man!"

"I know. But that doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that Harry... loves him." There was bafflement in Remus' voice as well, but he tried to hide it.

It made no sense to him either, but he was willing to give the whole thing the benefit of the doubt. He knew Harry and trusted his judgement.

"He's making a mistake asking him to live here."

"Maybe, but we have to let him make his own mistakes." Remembering how that had been Sirius' favorite argument when they'd been teenagers, Remus leaned back on his chair.

That earned him a nasty look. "That was different. We never did anything as stupid as that." Sleeping with Snape and wanting to live with him? That was undoubtedly the most horrifying, disgusting, insane thing Sirius could think of.

"No. You found a way to become an Animagus to help your friend deal with being a werewolf. That's even worse, wouldn't you say?"

Sirius bristled with anger. "No. I wouldn't. He's... I bet he's using Harry somehow." The whole thought made his blood burn again.

"I don't think so." Even though he knew Sirius would never be able to see clearly when it was about Snape, Remus had to try.

Sirius grimaced as if he was tasting something foul. He looked around the table, taking in Ron's similar expression and the very calm look on Malfoy.

His gaze locked with the Slytherin. "You know Snape better than anyone here." It took a snake to really know one. He had nothing against Malfoy, especially after all he'd done for Harry, but he did know what he was like.

"Probably, yes." Draco nodded, even though he had to wonder if anyone really knew Snape.

"Is he just playing with Harry?" It was the question Sirius had wanted to ask for ages, but hadn't really wanted to hear the answer.

Draco grinned at the question, remembering how at the small cottage he had calculated his every expression when he was around Ron and wondered about the way Snape and Harry had been engaged in something he couldn't fathom. "No. He's definitely not playing with him."

"Then what is it?"

There was no real answer to that question. Draco wondered that himself. "I don't know. But I do know that he's not doing this to hurt Harry."

Sirius let out a sigh that sounded very much like a canine whine.

He hated this. He absolutely hated this!

Upstairs, Harry was pacing in his room, thoughts running aimlessly around his mind like headless chickens.

Had he really told everyone he loved Snape? Oh yeah, he had. It hadn't even required any thought; he'd simply opened his mouth and the words had poured out.

He let out a hysterical laughter.

The thing was, he didn't want to take it back. He wanted to live with Snape, have sex and things with him, annoy him by leaving socks all around the room and then watch him brew his potions. It wasn't a passing fancy; he wanted that for as long as he lived. What else could it be but love?

"I guess I really am an idiot." Saying that out loud somehow pushed the laughter away, as if it wasn't ridiculous after all.

Not a big revelation either, to be honest. So maybe he hadn't used that word before, it didn't mean that he hadn't known it was the perfect one to describe what he felt towards Snape.

Sighing, Harry stood in the middle of his room, wondering what to do next. He didn't want to go back downstairs and talk about Snape, he didn't want to keep pacing like this.

Ages ago, his only way to keep the dark thoughts at bay had been long walks through the corridors, searching through Hogwarts until he knew the castle better than any other student. He felt the restlessness grow in his body, familiar even after such a long absence, and his steps took him to his wardrobe before he could even make a conscious decision.

He'd go out for a walk, just around the streets of Hogsmeade, nothing dangerous. The only way for the hero of the Order to do that without gaining a few followers and a lot of attention was to wear his Invisibility Cloak.

Pushing his new clothes to the side, Harry grasped for the cloak and then frowned when he couldn't find it. He tried again, rummaging through the wardrobe, feeling a rush of panic rise as he still couldn't find what he was looking for.

"Damn it," he muttered, going through the drawers on the left side of the cupboard, knowing there was no way he would have crammed the cloak there with his underwear and socks but refusing to think he had lost it.

His Invisibility Cloak was the only real reminder he had of his father, that and the few photos he had of him and his mother and he couldn't have misplaced something so precious to him.

Harry sat hard on the floor, cursing out loud. After everything, this seemed too much, and it was somehow easier to be upset about this than the rest of his problems.

He knew that no one in the house would have taken his cloak without asking, but it was still gone. Trying to remember when he'd last seen it, he couldn't think of anything after the day they'd moved in here and he'd unpacked his clothes.

A faint memory of finding the wardrobe open even though he'd been sure he had closed the door surfaced, and he had a very unpleasant feeling between his shoulder blades. Had someone been able to sneak through their wards after all? And for what; the cloak?

He couldn't really believe that himself.

Maybe he should ask Ron just in case he'd borrowed it without having the time to ask. There was probably a reasonable explanation for all this, and he would find it just as soon as he felt like getting up and walking back downstairs to his family.

He closed his eyes, unable to make his body move.

He couldn't really face anyone -- that being mainly Sirius -- right now.

Even though they'd had arguments before, it had always been over something small; a slip to allow him to go to Hogsmeade, the sometimes reckless way he approached danger.

What Sirius said mattered. His opinion had always meant more to Harry than anyone else's, but this time he wouldn't let it sway him.

He was going to live with Snape. Maybe here, maybe somewhere else, but he was not going to let this chance slip away.

The fights were becoming more open, more ruthless, and deep inside Harry knew these smaller raids couldn't last forever. Sooner or later, there would have to be a choice between reacting and actually attacking, and that would very likely be one of the last decisions he made.

Unlike months ago, the thought of dying didn't open up the vast emptiness inside. This time Harry acknowledged it as a probability and moved on. If there was a chance he was going to die, he wasn't going to waste time on guilt or trying to make everyone happy.

He wanted to do this one thing for himself; it had felt like that from the beginning, his one selfish act while still being the self sacrificing hero their world wanted him to be.

Fine. But he was not going to do this without Snape.

There was a soft knock on the door, and Harry had to swallow before he could call out. "Come on in." He wondered who it would be; probably either Remus or Ron, coming to keep him company.

"Harry." Opening the door a little and peeking into the room, Sirius blinked as he couldn't see anyone. Then he noticed Harry sitting on the floor in front of the wardrobe.

He stepped into the room quietly and closed the door behind him,

With a few steps he was next to Harry, and not knowing what else to do, he sat down right beside him.

"I'm sorry."

Both smiled a little as they managed to say that at the same time.

Sirius shook his head, the smile disappearing from his lips. "No, I'm sorry." He didn't explain it further.

"Yeah." Relaxing a little, Harry nodded. "I know." It would have been easier if he could have been angry at Sirius, but no matter how annoying the stubborn hatred his godfather cherished was, he still couldn't be angry at Sirius.

"Good." Sirius took the words as a permission and leaned his shoulder against Harry's, enjoying the silence for a moment.

Before walking up here, he'd had a few more words with Remus and the others. Some spoken quietly, most growled from between clenched teeth so that he wouldn't scream. When Hermione had arrived from her meeting, they had gone through the whole thing again.

He was definitely tired of all the logic now.

Listening to her and Remus talk had forced him to look at the whole thing from a different angle, especially when Hermione had said she didn't mind Snape moving in with them. Her tone had been relaxed, unlike the barely concealed revulsion and grudging pity she still showed for Draco Malfoy.

He still didn't like the idea; to be quite honest, he hated it with burning passion. But it didn't really matter what he thought, as long as Harry was happy.

It was clear that right now, he wasn't.

Sirius looked at Harry. "You really want to live with that man?" He tried to keep the disgust out of his voice, but the way Harry flinched told him that he hadn't really been successful.

"Yes. I want to live with him," Harry said. He knew he shouldn't want it this much, since everything he'd ever wanted had turned into ashes. There would be more shouting and anger and outrage, but he added anyway, "I don't want to live without him."

It was worse than what Sirius had feared. He recognized that expression; it reminded him of that night three years ago when he had crawled to Remus' house, expecting to be thrown out. There had been too many unsaid things between them then, too many years of suspicion and loneliness. He'd been certain Remus wouldn't want him there, not the way they'd been so long ago.

Finding that the old love hadn't really disappeared anywhere had been a miracle. The embrace he'd been enfolded in hadn't taken all the pain and misery away, but it had been a new beginning. His chance of a redemption.

How could he deny such happiness from Harry? What kind of a man was he if he insisted on making Harry look so sad and lonely?

"Then... you should live with him." Hating the whole concept, Sirius was barely able to squeeze the words out. But no matter how much he loathed Snape, he loved Harry more. "This is your home, and if you want to share it with Snape, I'm not going to try to stop you."

Harry let out a relieved sigh and turned to hug his godfather. He knew exactly how hard this was to Sirius. "Thank you!"

"Don't mention it."

---

Comments

[alliekatgal.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to see that Sirius came around. Poor Severus! I'm happy for him that he accepted Harry's offer for him to move in with him. Hmmm, what happened to the cloak?

[sua-lay.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Sirius isn't bad... He's just annoyingly insane. :D But he does love Harry. Snape will have to curb his urge to kill him, though.

*cough* Hope the foreshadowing with the cloak wasn't too much. You'll see it later on in the fic.

[lyr]

It's really good to see this book out! I devoured all the chapters you've got up this morning, and now I'm just hungry for more; I'm enjoying it very much.

[sua-lay.livejournal.com]

Oh so am I. No matter how much I've loved working on this fic, it's kind of killed every other project for years now.

:D Am glad you enjoy it!

[tetsubinatu.livejournal.com]

Hi! Is part 13 missing accidentally, or because you are still working on it? Just confused because I can see lots of later parts, but just a handful are missing.

I am really enjoying this fic!

[sua-lay.livejournal.com]

Oops, apparently I forgot to add the chapters to memories.

*headdesk*

They're added now.

Thanks for letting me know! And hope you'll like the rest of the fic too.

[tetsubinatu.livejournal.com]

Ooh thanks! *runs off to read more*

[xikum.livejournal.com]

I've been waiting to see what it was that was taken (or hidden on the room), and when that would come up... and now we know, just a little bit.

This is such a wonderful extravagance, to be able to read this wonderful fic from start to finish, limied only by my own time!

[xikum.livejournal.com]

I am now going to take a wild stab at it & look like a fool in a short while:

Terry Boot, took it under Imperius from the DE's and passed it to them.
Yes, sad isn't it? I'm still under the delusion that Terry didn't betray them willingly...

[sua-lay.livejournal.com]

Well, even though it wasn't Terry taking the cloak, who knows what drove him to betray his friends? I mean, there's a whole story there, and though I'm not telling it, there's every possibility he was coerced, forced, seduced or bribed.

[sua-lay.livejournal.com]

:D Yeah, there's a reason I don't usually read WIPs...