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sua_layAuthor: Rimau Sua Lay
Rating: overall NC-17, Angst, Drama, Action/Adventure, First Time
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Snape, Ron/Draco, (Sirius/Remus)
Date: December 2002 - May 2007
Disclaimers: Not mine, borrowed without permission, am not making any money. Please don't sue. Sherbet Lemon?
Summary for Book Five: - It's time to try to save the world. Fools and idiots may be the wizards' only hope. Revenge does indeed taste strange. Kinda furry.
Warning: This part contains deaths, gore, total stupidity, explicit sex between men, disturbing themes and angst.
The earlier parts of the fic can be found here.
Snape walked through the doorway of the Headquarters, swooping into the hallway without really intending the intimidating gesture, his robes billowing.
He could feel the stares on his skin and scowled at the Aurors who were milling around, his expression barely softening as he saw a few familiar faces in the crowd. The only people he really greeted were his colleagues.
Everyone seemed to spend their time in Hogsmeade these days.
The morning classes had not been exactly a disaster, but Snape wouldn't describe them as a success either. His quiet presence in the training room had been enough to curb the usual teenage enthusiasm to waste time on playing foolish games, but it was clear that most of the young people had not really paid attention to most of the lessons.
Even though Lupin's suggestion of an early lunch had been irritating, Snape had agreed. Keeping the youngsters here was a futile effort, succeeding only in frustrating their teachers.
He had cast more disgusted glances at their students as he'd left the training hall.
The short walk to the bookstore had given Snape enough time to stop fuming at the idiocy of most of the people that he was supposed to teach how to survive the war and making his purchases had calmed him down even more. He would give Lupin and his soft strategy one more chance, but then it would be time for something more drastic.
He was most definitely not looking forward to it.
But since he had agreed that his expertise would be needed, he would do his duty, no matter how unpleasant it felt.
He wished people would take things more seriously; looking at the classes and the training as a way to keep everyone alive instead of a boring addendum to old DADA classes that had bored most of them into tears.
There were no people in the hallways leading to the big meeting hall, a thing Snape was grateful for. He wasn't about to head to the mess hall for lunch and would enjoy the privacy of eating in here. The noise in the mess hall was usually deafening, with the teenagers being a loud lot even after leaving Hogwarts.
He would get the house elves to bring him something to eat, knowing from the experience that they wouldn't mind serving him lunch in here. He was already known for working through most meals.
Walking on, he refused to acknowledge the fact that the leading house elf assigned to the Headquarters seemed to be the one with mismatched socks who had always looked after Harry at Hogwarts.
That probably had nothing to do with the way the house elves catered to Snape.
He rapped his knuckles against the door frame as he stepped into the big room to alert anyone there to his presence. He knew that not only the Aurors had the tendency of being paranoid, and that it would be quite foolish to startle people who still instinctively pointed a wand at anyone who walked in unannounced.
"What?" A startled voice rang in the room, and then blinking green eyes focused on him. "Oh, hi Snape." Harry made an aborted move as if to get to his feet and then seemed to think better of it, nodding at Snape. After all, they weren't in private here.
Snape wasn't at all surprised to see Harry. There were days it seemed like he was almost living in here. "Potter. Getting ready for yet another afternoon full of meetings?" He almost shuddered at the thought of suffering through yet another one of those, hoping the ones he would be attending would not be a repetition of the ones he'd sat through dozens of times already.
It seemed that the Ministry loved meetings and paperwork and most of their people annoyed even the field working Aurors who seemed to view sitting down and talking about things endlessly as a waste of time.
Not that Snape could really disagree with them.
"Yeah. We have a talk with the Department for Magical Beings and the Department for Lost Curses and then probably a training session before we sit down to talk about fighting gear." Followed by more training, then probably by more talking. Harry knew he'd be lucky to get home before dark.
Snape simply nodded.
Most people had probably found Fudge's speech a few days ago inspiring and uplifting, with the comments about acting instead of talking. Those people had to be disappointed by now, when things had changed very little even with their reinforced troops now gathering in Hogsmeade.
He knew the importance of doing things properly. One couldn't make the cauldron boil any faster, and even though there were ways to make the fire burn hotter, such trickery usually ruined the brew.
He chose not to use that metaphor with Harry, even though the likely grin and the Quidditch reference would have made him look less tired.
The term he'd used registered a moment later, making him frown.
Of course only an idiot would have thought this change would lift some of the burden from Harry's shoulders instead of adding to them, but he'd at least hoped the Ministry people would be of some use and deal with some of the practical things they had to face with.
It looked like Harry was taking on more responsibilities himself, tiring himself with obscure paperwork once again.
He watched Harry blow a stray strand of hair out of his face and then concentrate on the papers he was reading.
He certainly didn't like this; not the silence in the room, not the way Harry hunched over the table. The idiot should be out there, eating lunch with his friends and relaxing instead of spending the lunch hour working alone while everyone else was taking a break. With this stubborn Gryffindor, such a break would be well deserved, unlike with most of the people attending to Lupin's class.
Refusing to even think about those morons, he contacted the house elves, ordering enough sandwiches and tea for two.
It was telling that Harry didn't even notice the tray appearing in front of Snape.
"When did you last eat something?" For a moment Snape contemplated on levitating the plate full of food in front of Harry, but discarded the notion as he realized that the plate would probably go unnoticed.
Harry looked up from the paper. "Er... Breakfast, I think." He didn't really have time to go to the mess hall, needing to finish the report on the Magical Creatures and how Walden Macnair had been spotted by the main facilities for the smuggling operation.
"I see." Pushing the chair next to him back as if intending to sit down, Snape grabbed the plate instead, wincing at the creaky sound the chair made against the stone floor. "You should eat something."
With that, he planted the plate on top of the papers Harry had been reading, blocking the text. This way, Harry would at least have to acknowledge the food if he wanted to go on working.
Harry blinked owlishly and then his gaze went from Snape to the sandwiches, widening slightly. "Oh. I didn't realize it's..." He cast a look at the clock, stunned to see it was indeed lunch time. "Thank you."
Reaching out for the food, he realized he was actually starving.
"You're welcome," Snape said curtly.
He didn't even want to wonder how long Harry would have simply sat here with his papers and then with his endless meetings without remembering to eat something. Neither did he wish to contemplate on how long Harry would spend in this room alone after the final meeting, going through the stack of papers piled high in front of him.
They ate in silence, Snape pouring Harry some tea when it became evident he wasn't going to do it himself.
Snape had been watching Harry, noticing the way he was pulling away from people more and more these days. The Aurors hadn't been here for even a week now, and already there was a clear change in their leader.
People had been so enthusiastic about touching and hugging Harry ever since their first big Order meeting, but now no one would dare to approach him like that anymore.
It wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Keeping his distance from all the brainless idiots who were milling around was a way to maintain at least some grip on his sanity. But he could see from the dark circles under Harry's eyes that he wasn't dealing with the changed situation well, probably agonizing over everything even when he should relax and sleep.
Not that he was surprised; everyone seemed to have trouble sleeping these days. He was just certain that Harry was taking it farther than anyone else.
The errant strand of hair was once again hanging loose on Harry's forehead, swinging slightly as Harry pushed the plate a bit to the side so that he could read while he was eating. Snape rarely paid attention to Harry's looks -- except to see if he was once again exhausting himself -- but even he couldn't ignore the messy hairstyle. Without thinking, he reached out with his hand and pushed the lock behind Harry's ear, wondering if he should tell him to take some time for a haircut.
Eyes going wide, Harry looked up at him, the hand holding the sandwich frozen on its trip towards his mouth. He cast a glance at the door that was still slightly ajar and then returned to stare at Snape, who was calmly sipping his tea.
The gesture had been almost absentminded, a simple touch that left Harry tingling.
Snape ignored the change in Harry's expression though it always amused him to see Harry look so silly over insignificant little things like that. It was not as if he'd concentrated on a thing, touching Harry for a touch's sake. "Eat your sandwich," he said curtly.
"Yeah." Smiling slightly, Harry took another bite, concentrating on his sandwich and not even looking at the report. The ever-present headache seemed to fade away slowly. Dear Merlin, he'd needed this; both the food and that strangely gentle gesture.
Snape had already finished with his lunch when people started slipping through the doorway, getting ready for the next meeting. He watched Harry hold onto the still steaming mug of tea even as the Ministry people came in, looking more relaxed than in quite some time.
Of course it didn't last for long.
Sitting back and observing the meetings, Snape wondered just exactly when had the Ministry joining them had turned into the Ministry bringing all their problems to Harry to be solved. He could understand how they needed Black and Lupin's reports for the dark creatures when they discussed about the Magical Beings -- the discussions quickly dissolving into a shouting match as Black got tired of the platitudes, something that was quite astonishing -- but the whole deal with the curses was fairly ridiculous.
Bill Weasley apparently thought the same, ending the half hearted arguments with a few scathing words that didn't only show his annoyance but also his expertise on the matter.
It seemed that the abrupt ways of the goblins rubbed off after a decade or so of working for Gringotts.
Snape offered very little to the discussions, content with watching the proceedings and wondering just when Albus had stopped coming to these meetings altogether. Fudge's absence was easily explained, but he couldn't really understand why Albus wasn't here.
That wasn't the only thing that was hard to understand.
It was clear that Harry was thinking about the same things himself, especially from the tired look on his face after the third -- or was it fourth? -- meeting ended.
Snape found himself sitting alone by the wall. Everyone else had left the room, the Order members looking busy once again, the Ministry officials muttering to themselves with nervous energy and only their great hero was now standing near the window, his back turned towards the room.
"I'm thinking of putting Bill Weasley in charge with the curse -lessons. Sirius and Remus can continue with the smugglers, and I'm certain Remus can liaison with the Ministry."
"That is probably the best plan I've heard today," Snape said, knowing that Harry hadn't missed his presence.
Harry didn't turn away from the window. "It only took three meetings and more than two hours to get to that point. At this rate, I'll be seventy by the time we'll actually get to do something."
Snorting, Snape didn't bother to say anything. His thoughts weren't that far from Harry's after all.
Standing ramrod straight, Harry squeezed his hands into fists. "At least the Order can deal with some things on their own. Fudge's kept his people so firmly under his thumb they'll probably ask for permission to have a second cup of tea or use the loo."
"That doesn't sound that far fetched."
It didn't make Harry relax one bit. "So they want me to tell them what to do. Take responsibility over everything and everyone." That was the worst of his nightmares.
Snape agreed. "Yes." He was quite certain Harry would not let that happen.
"I wonder when people will start asking about power. I know some already want to, those who see me as their great leader. I wonder when the first person will make the comparison to Voldemort, but with me having good intentions." Harry didn't say anything about how most of the people already seemed to view Dumbledore like that, worshipping the old man without question.
Trust was a good thing, but blind trust was insane.
Snape knew that better than anyone.
"I doubt anyone will ask that just yet. People are too happy to see you take care of things to accuse you of taking over the world." Snape knew it might happen later on, especially after they started losing people.
It wouldn't be Albus Dumbledore who got the blame then, even though most of this was orchestrated by him.
"Power." Voice quiet, Harry mused out loud. "It corrupts, doesn't it? People who are worshipped get so used to that feeling that they'll do anything to have more of it. More worship and adoration." He shivered at the thought.
It would be so easy to believe in the mindless idolizing and be exactly what people wanted him to be; allow everyone to glorify him and his myth as they had for his whole life. He would be worshipped by the masses, known and loved by no one.
Snape nodded. That was the way it usually went, and most people never even thought about it. "Yes."
He would always be suspicious of peoples' motives, the things he had experienced with his former master made certain he would never again follow anyone without questions.
"I'm tired."
The simple confession made Snape sigh. At least Harry wasn't trying to live in denial. "I can see that. Maybe you should take the rest of the day off. Go home. Take a long shower. Read through one of your silly Quidditch magazines."
Harry nodded, turning slowly to face Snape. "Yeah." He knew there was no real alternative for this evening, or any other evening in the near future. The leader of their army couldn't simply disappear and spend his evenings at Hogwarts, no matter how he wanted to, and it was painfully obvious he couldn't really invite Snape over until Sirius went on another mission. "I think you're right."
His whole body ached with the need to go to Snape, but he knew it would be stupid to start something here where anyone could walk in and interrupt them.
Forcing himself to sit tight, Snape watched Harry walk out of the room.
It was all set in motion now; the Order was finally working on defeating Voldemort, and soon there would come a time when Harry would indeed lead them all to battle, and then it would all be over. He had never allowed himself to think beyond such a point and didn't linger there now.
What mattered was this moment, and whatever desires he might harbor about the future were completely unimportant.
Gathering up the potions books he'd purchased earlier, he walked out of the Headquarters, knowing he wouldn't exactly be missed from whatever meetings there would be left. Not staying to listen to the useless arguments would probably do wonders for his mental health. It would be much better to just go home and work on something. Or maybe just go to bed early.
He firmly refused to even contemplate the fact that he was getting more tired these days too.
