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sua_layAuthor: Rimau Sua Lay
Rating: overall NC-17, Angst, Drama, Action/Adventure, First Time
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Snape, Ron/Draco, (Sirius/Remus)
Date: December 2002 - May 2007
Disclaimers: Not mine, borrowed without permission, am not making any money. Please don't sue. Sherbet Lemon?
Summary for Book Five: - It's time to try to save the world. Fools and idiots may be the wizards' only hope. Revenge does indeed taste strange. Kinda furry.
Warning: This part contains deaths, gore, total stupidity, explicit sex between men, disturbing themes and angst.
The earlier parts of the fic can be found here.
"We should probably go... Walk with me."
Draco nodded at Harry's words, glad to be able to escape the crowd. "Sure."
It wasn't exactly simple to leave the Headquarters, with Order members and Aurors needing a word with Harry, some to congratulate him on the new situation, others to ask pointless questions that were aimed at keeping Harry with them for just a moment longer.
Keeping slightly behind Harry, out of the way, Draco watched the way no one seemed to notice how uncomfortable their hero looked. As another Ministry goon passed them by, he had to revise that thought; he could still remember how everyone used to touch Harry, pat his shoulder or hug him. There was no trace of that anymore.
That had to be a good thing.
Draco didn't really know what to think about the latest turn in events. He'd known there was something going on, but never in his wildest dreams had he believed that Dumbledore would give up an ounce of his power.
But of course it was genius. He could see it already, as people passed by with awed expressions on their faces, Aurors and Order members all looking up to Harry. He'd already heard the words; the hero, the general.
Some things had indeed changed.
Smiling a little, Draco turned his gaze away from Harry and encountered a glare from Mad-Eye Moody who was standing with a group of scarred old Aurors. All right, maybe some things would always be the same.
It was weird seeing the suspicious looks and the barely veiled anger. He could almost feel anger and distrust emanating from everywhere around him, people looking at him and clearly seeing only his heritage.
Draco should be used to it, but now he realized that what he'd seen as suspicion before was nothing compared to this. The Order members barely noticed him, some even nodding at him in greeting right after the cheery calls to Harry.
The contrast was quite shocking, especially since Draco had never stopped to think about it. But yeah, ever since Harry had started to call him by his first name, their people had started to treat him like a person.
His step faltered for a moment, but he recovered immediately, covering the slight lapse with a cough and a murmured, "I'm fine!" when Harry turned to see if he was all right.
He kept his expression bland as they finally left the Headquarters. As they stepped out, he could hear a relieved sigh escape Harry, but said nothing about it.
There was a sigh working its way out of him as well.
Draco kept thinking about his life and how things were once again different; so the Ministry people would look at him and only see a Malfoy. Tough. He didn't really care about them, there were others who mattered. Blaise was up and about, still blind but looking a hell of a lot better than earlier. Snape seemed to be as loyal to his Slytherins as always. And beyond those two, there were Gryffindors who seemed not to only tolerate him but actually...
He didn't exactly know what to call it. There was probably a Gryffindor term for the acceptance he got from McGonagall or the approval in Sirius Black's insane gaze or the way Harry was now glancing at him as he opened the door to their house.
"You hungry?" Harry asked, slipping his shoes off and running his fingers through his already messy hair. "I could make dinner."
Draco had to actually think about that. Was he? He knew it was getting late in the day so he probably should be, but... "Not really."
"Me neither. Tea and sandwiches then?" Now there was a smile on Harry's face; it looked kind of weary, but it was still a genuine smile.
It was the first one Draco had seen since last night's meeting at Hogwarts. "Yeah, I think tea would be nice." Not just so that he could sit down and have tea with the de facto leader of their whole world now -- and boy did that sound weird -- but because he really needed to spend some time with a friend.
Shooing the house elves out of their way, Harry went to grab a loaf of bread and started making sandwiches. Draco stood near the table for a moment, feeling a bit useless, and then moved to grab the kettle. Tea wasn't that hard to brew, he'd done it a dozen of times since the first time when he'd ruined the first cup and then never got to drink the one that had come out perfectly.
He refused to turn around and look at the table behind him.
They sat at the table and had tea, not bothering to really talk about anything. Draco could see how Harry was lost in thought, and didn't want to be a nuisance and ramble about anything insignificant.
He kind of liked this; the companionship he shared with Harry was different from any friendships or relationships he'd ever known. There was nothing he could compare to it, except maybe flying over the Quidditch pit with a team mate flying nearby.
Of course that would be a fellow Slytherin and not Harry Potter.
"More tea?" Harry was holding out the pot. Pouring another cup, he added, "It's very good."
Draco smiled. "Yes, it is." He blew into the steaming liquid before sipping it. "And what lovely weather we had today."
He was awfully pleased with himself as Harry barely managed to put his cup down before bursting into laughter. "Yeah, the weather is very nice indeed. Care to speculate about the Quidditch World Cup next?"
The words were light, but the teasing was unfamiliar, sounding almost like something Harry would say to Weasley. Simple and almost innocent without even a hint of an ulterior meaning. With anyone else, he would have suspected this was a game; a flirtation, a play for power, but with their great hero, this was probably just as it seemed to be.
Draco liked it; liked the friendship and the acceptance more than the mindless adoration, even though a small part of him was still laughing hysterically every time he allowed himself to acknowledge the fact.
"Snape would be so proud of us, if he could see this," Harry said, his eyes glinting with mirth.
"I..." At a loss for words, Draco just shrugged. He didn't really know about that, didn't really know if he should care whether Snape would be proud or not. "I guess."
Harry watched Draco squirm and hide the squirming by fussing with his tea some more. It wasn't often that he saw him look this open, and he decided to probe a little. "You really like Snape, don't you?"
Not long ago, he would have argued that something as human as that was beyond Draco Malfoy's grasp. He knew better now.
Draco nodded hesitantly, deciding that this was still a normal conversation to someone like Harry. "Yes." He wouldn't use the word 'like' himself, but it was probably the only one Harry would understand. "He's the Head of my House." That sounded more like it.
He didn't want to explain it more, knowing that things about the purity of blood and House loyalty would most likely be mocked. It was likely that Harry would never understand just exactly how profound those things were to him.
"I believe it might go further than that," Harry said. With all the things that had happened, between Draco and him, between Draco and Ron, he wanted Draco to admit that sometimes there was no logical Slytherin reason for things, especially for emotions.
There was no reply.
"Come on, Draco. I know it's more than just reverence towards a professor." Now there was a teasing sound in Harry's voice, once again sounding like he was talking to one of his housemates.
Draco nodded. "Yes." It was the truth after all. "It is." It had always been.
"Okay." It was clear to Harry that there was more, but Draco wasn't comfortable of talking about it. "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry."
The conversation felt suddenly stifled, Harry wondering if he'd stepped on some conversational mine and Draco staring into his tea, wondering if his silence would seem rude and suspicious.
"Draco? I mean it. We don't need to talk about it if you don't want to."
Looking up, Draco could only see honest worry in Harry's eyes. "No, I... It's not something you and I should discuss." He could be honest if the occasion called for it.
For a moment, Harry simply stared at him, his expression puzzled, and he almost asked if Draco used to have a crush on Snape or what before he realized that it took more than that to make Draco look so uncomfortable. Then understanding dawned and the soft green gaze turned flint hard. "Am I right if I assume the discussion would involve Voldemort and the Death Eaters and your father?"
Seeing Draco nod, he realized that the odd silence was quite likely for his benefit. "Maybe it's best if... I don't want to say things about your father."
Draco agreed, knowing there were things he didn't want to say about his father either. Not about the things he'd seen, and especially not about the things he'd heard. Even though Voldemort's past had been the best kept secret ever, the Death Eaters did gossip, and their progeny had heard about most rumors.
What good would it do to tell Harry about the rivalry between his father and Snape? Or about the rumors that had Snape been a woman, Draco would undoubtedly call Snape mother right now.
"Me neither." Draco didn't trust his voice beyond those simple words.
Harry just nodded, knowing that whatever was going through Draco's head was bad, and he never wanted to hear it. He could already guess some of it, from half remembered conversations and from scars on Snape's skin, and it was making him sick. "Good."
The following silence wasn't exactly uncomfortable, but Harry dreaded what would happen when they finished with their tea and there was nothing left but the awkwardness between them.
"I wash and you dry, okay?" Raising an eyebrow, Harry nodded at the sink.
Draco groaned. "Oh great... Okay. I'll dry. But don't blame me if I break something." It wasn't an empty threat.
"I won't," Harry promised, smiling as he felt the tension dissipate. "I'll just let you buy us more china then."
They worked in silence, Harry washing the cups and the saucers and Draco drying them before putting them on the shelf again.
Harry enjoyed the simple task, working in the kitchen because it was his kitchen and because no one was ordering him to. It wasn't as good as some things he could name, but since there was no way for him to go to Hogwarts tonight, he'd settle for this.
At least Draco knew how to work in silence, and how to treat him like a human being. This was so much better than fretting alone for hours.
Finishing with the washing, Harry walked to the living room, not really liking the idea of going upstairs quite yet. Sirius and Remus were still at the Headquarters, and Harry doubted they would come home any time soon now that they both had the chance to be out there with other people without the need to hide.
"Did Ron say anything about when he's coming home?" The question slipped out before Harry could really think about what he was saying, and he cast an apologizing look at Draco. The last time he'd seen Ron, he'd been heading towards his brothers.
Draco hesitated at the doorway, his expression completely unreadable. "I heard him telling Granger that he would go out with his family."
He didn't add that he'd walked away then, not wishing to face the redheads again.
Grimacing at the flat tone, Harry chose not to pursue the question further. No matter how much he sometimes wanted to shake both Ron and Draco and tell them to stop playing, he knew it wasn't up to him to deal with their issues. It would be too much like the kind of thing people expected of him, of the perfect leader who knew everything and fixed everyone's problems.
"And Hermione went to spend some time with Parvati and Lavender," he mused out loud, thinking about the strange female solidarity they were showing to Hermione these days.
"Lucky her." It was meant to come out with sarcasm, but instead it was almost a sigh.
Draco was tired of spending all his time at home. It gave him too much time to think about things he'd rather forget. Still, this was better than going out on his own. Even with the sympathy some of the older Order members had shown him -- and it was so hard not to hate them for it sometimes -- he was pretty certain he wouldn't be welcome to the Three Broomsticks if he went there without Harry.
Before, there would have been mudblood idiots trying to make him miserable. Now there would be armed Aurors there mingling with everyone. He knew he could deal with puerile insults and glares, but he wasn't going to put himself in danger.
"Do you play chess?"
The hesitant question startled Draco, making him reply honestly, "Sort of. But I'm not really good at it." He'd never had the patience to really learn beyond the basics. "Why?"
"I'm just asking because I'm so very interested in every detail of your life." Rolling his eyes to emphasize the stupidity of the question, Harry gestured at the chess set on the small coffee table in the corner. "Want to play?"
Draco raised an eyebrow. He knew for a fact that Harry wasn't exactly good at the wizarding chess either. "Sure."
The board was already set, and it was simple to draw the table between two chairs and just start playing. Harry kept his mind on the game, refusing to think about how absurd it was that he was in here with Draco Malfoy, playing chess, when he could change the lives of everyone in Hogsmeade -- and probably in their whole world -- with a few simple words.
Playing chess was nice and simple, and he didn't even mind when Draco won most of the games. Winning didn't really matter, it was just fun to play.
The sun was setting by the time Sirius and Remus came home, both talking in low tones. Harry looked up from the game to greet them both, frowning as he saw how tired Sirius looked. A quick glance at Remus told him that nothing was really wrong, but he couldn't stop wondering if something had happened or if Sirius was simply overwhelmed by everything that had happened these past few days.
The way both men went into the kitchen and then Remus came back with a cup of tea in hand, a scroll under an armpit and a black dog following him a moment later was kind of telling.
"I think I should go to bed."
Harry nodded, realizing that maybe they were all kind of exhausted right now, weary beyond the simple need to spend hours asleep. "Sure. Sleep well."
"Yeah, you too."
Watching Draco walk out of the room without a single glance at the still half full chess board, he decided that maybe they were all entitled to be tired. It had been a long day, and he couldn't really see the days becoming any easier in the near future.
Not wanting to retire for the night yet, he fiddled with the chess pieces and ignored the way they so obviously wanted to finish the game. He wasn't in the mood for more games right now.
Harry sighed, turning away from the board. It was nice just sitting here and watching the flames dance in the fireplace. He didn't even bother to grab a book and pretend he was reading. For this evening, this specific evening, he was going to enjoy the peace and quiet as if he was still just Harry and could ignore everything beyond this moment.
His gaze wandered to the soft rug in front of the fireplace where Remus was lying, reading through the scroll, the black form of Snuffles curled next to him.
It was a familiar sight. Most of the time Sirius stayed in his human form, especially when it had become safe for him to move around in Hogsmeade as himself. Still, there were evenings when he grew restless, when he paced around the room for some time before giving in and turning into the Animagus form.
It reminded Harry of the time he'd seen Dumbledore holding a grey cat on his lap, scratching her ears absentmindedly. He wondered if it was a common thing for Animagi to escape from all the pain and fear into the animal form.
He didn't think he'd ever ask his godfather about the thing, especially now that he could actually be himself and not hide from the Aurors anymore.
Sometimes, he wondered what it would be like to be an Animagus. Now, as he watched Snuffles twitch in his sleep, he was glad his curiosity had never driven him to find out first hand. If the animal form was indeed a sort of escape from reality, it would have been too tempting.
What if he'd chosen that instead of going to Snape? He had no doubts of where he'd be right now if he had chosen the Animagus way. Not here in Hogsmeade fighting Death Eaters; that was for certain.
He was a bit amazed to realize that he didn't regret the choices he'd made.
Harry Potter, the living legend and the leader of the Order. It still sounded almost like a joke, but he wasn't laughing.
He was pretty sure that Voldemort wasn't either.
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no subject
Date: 2007-07-09 04:09 pm (UTC)I so have a soft spot for Draco in my heart ... I like how he has grown up so much since your first book.
On to the next part.
no subject
Date: 2007-07-09 04:45 pm (UTC)I was actually surprised of how much I grew to like Draco as well. His friendship with Harry was one of my favorite parts to write.