![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sua_layI'm this close of sending a very angry and very detailed email to an author who totally fucked up most of my favorite criminal investigation shows and pairings.
After a certain wank a few years ago, I haven't sent any con crit to anyone, and I think flaming is stupid and childish. But damn it, this fic almost deserves it. A well thought crossover with my favorite couples (y'all know I'm an OTP whore, right?) and then it was all about the usual crap that seems to be all over the CSI and NCIS fandoms.
Younger men are weepy and traumatized and older man are manly but also traumatized and of course they all love each other and carry each other and then hey there's another trauma and OMG a bitchy female character.
And then they bathe each other...
I didn't expect much, but even so I was totally disappointed. Considering I've been reading slash for 9 years now, I've read loads of godsawful crapola, and I think this'll get to the top 3 of 'Worst Fics Ever'.
*tears off whatever's left of her hair*
The fic even had most of my pet peeves!
1. You don't have to tell me the guys are hot for each other by spelling out how 'he was thinking of boinking the other guy and then his dick got so hard OMG and it was good he was sitting for otherwise everyone in five mile radius woulda seen his erection' on page two. It's not sexy, it's usually not in character and it's far from subtle.
2. If your fic is long as has more than one couple, for the love of all the gods, don't make all the couples have the same storyline. 'He was so traumatized and sad and so in love and misunderstood and then the other guy told him he loved him and then they were so in love and so happy and had sex everywhere'. I especially like it when the story's long and then all the couples realize they love each other around the same evening and then any possible realism jumps off the window and dies screaming.
3. The good old 'men don't do that'. Yes, men really are different from women; especially male characters who are usually written to be 'men'. Hence there won't be lots of soul deep conversations with your New Best Friend about your traumas and fears. Unless you're a new age kinda guy and which most of the cops and criminal investigators aren't.
Also, in a fic with multiple couples, why the hell does everyone always feel so happy and gay about being... gay? They all tell each other no matter how they shouldn't ask or tell and then everyone's a big gay family. A happy one at that. They skip through the fields of daisies, tell their parents, co workers, neighbors, the guy walking the dog, and have make out sessions at the workplace. At the police stations, in federal buildings and in every possible gym/locker room/elevator/broom closet/slightly shadowy corner.
Of course they also need to spread the love, and what's better than to play matchmaker in the most idiotic way (play the jealousy card, send anonymous letters/flowers/edible underwear)?
4. Guys who cry facing something like their own death and/or the death of a loved one are not girly or weak. Nor are they necessarily small and helpless. If I read one more fic where Danny Messer is a wimp (with that attitude??) or Nick Stokes blubbers in the corner at the drop of a hat (he's not Ianto, you know...) or Tony DiNozzo is severely underweight (have these authors seen Mike Weatherly?) and needs to be babied by their stronger older lovers, I am going to throw up!
5. Insane jealousy, snooping around someone's apartment, reading through their mail, their email, their trash or whatever is not sexy. Neither is physical abuse. I can see how some characters would go on a testosterone overload and try the neanderthal approach on their attempted (with rough groping or wrestling), but enough is enough. Restricting peoples' movements, needing to know where they are and with whom, and suspecting they'll fuck everyone they meet like insane rabbits is a sign of mental illness, and when the suspicion turns into actions, it's also usually illegal.
6. The female characters in the series are not maneaters or bitches. Unless they actually are. But it's safe to say that most female characters aren't. I'm not going to write any definite list about them (even though I would probably start with Hermione Granger, Dana Scully, Buffy Summers, Ziva David, Catherine Willows, Sara Sidle, Lindsay whatever from Montana, Calleigh Duquesne, Stella Bonasera, Kate Todd...), but anyway... I can deal with female characters being weirded or snarky or suspicious (can you see Scully be all yay about Mulder and Krycek? Yeah, me neither) but the're a difference between that and being a bitch. Writing the female characters like that is not only character bashing but it's kinda misogynistic as well, which pisses me off since most people writing this crap are women.
7. Let the fic end! Yeah, the guys got together and yeah, they had problems and yeah, now they live together. Try writing The End. It's not that hard! I promise.
If it's a story and you have stuff to say, go on and write a saga. If the story's already been told and then we get loads of new snippets and vignettes and maybe a sequel or eight and then 'ten years in the future', you're suffering from the Anne Rice syndrome and should go to rehab as soon as possible.
Seriously. People who go all OMG please write more are idiots. Don't listen to them.
*sigh*
I know there should be good fics out there somewhere, but it's so damn annoying to wade through all the crap trying to find it. Recs would be cool, but most rec sites I've been to tend to either glorify the crap or then link to annngst which isn't my thing. You know, all the dark stuff where the guys are just using each other and are pissed off and in the end no one is happy.
/rant
In case someone wants to make my day by telling me I'm a bitter fucker who should be shot to death for being evil and mean and flaming and crap... I'm stating an opinion in my own LJ, not naming any names or linking to anyone. If my rant hits too close to home, too bad; I'm not talking about anyone who probably reads my LJ anyway.
After a certain wank a few years ago, I haven't sent any con crit to anyone, and I think flaming is stupid and childish. But damn it, this fic almost deserves it. A well thought crossover with my favorite couples (y'all know I'm an OTP whore, right?) and then it was all about the usual crap that seems to be all over the CSI and NCIS fandoms.
Younger men are weepy and traumatized and older man are manly but also traumatized and of course they all love each other and carry each other and then hey there's another trauma and OMG a bitchy female character.
And then they bathe each other...
I didn't expect much, but even so I was totally disappointed. Considering I've been reading slash for 9 years now, I've read loads of godsawful crapola, and I think this'll get to the top 3 of 'Worst Fics Ever'.
*tears off whatever's left of her hair*
The fic even had most of my pet peeves!
1. You don't have to tell me the guys are hot for each other by spelling out how 'he was thinking of boinking the other guy and then his dick got so hard OMG and it was good he was sitting for otherwise everyone in five mile radius woulda seen his erection' on page two. It's not sexy, it's usually not in character and it's far from subtle.
2. If your fic is long as has more than one couple, for the love of all the gods, don't make all the couples have the same storyline. 'He was so traumatized and sad and so in love and misunderstood and then the other guy told him he loved him and then they were so in love and so happy and had sex everywhere'. I especially like it when the story's long and then all the couples realize they love each other around the same evening and then any possible realism jumps off the window and dies screaming.
3. The good old 'men don't do that'. Yes, men really are different from women; especially male characters who are usually written to be 'men'. Hence there won't be lots of soul deep conversations with your New Best Friend about your traumas and fears. Unless you're a new age kinda guy and which most of the cops and criminal investigators aren't.
Also, in a fic with multiple couples, why the hell does everyone always feel so happy and gay about being... gay? They all tell each other no matter how they shouldn't ask or tell and then everyone's a big gay family. A happy one at that. They skip through the fields of daisies, tell their parents, co workers, neighbors, the guy walking the dog, and have make out sessions at the workplace. At the police stations, in federal buildings and in every possible gym/locker room/elevator/broom closet/slightly shadowy corner.
Of course they also need to spread the love, and what's better than to play matchmaker in the most idiotic way (play the jealousy card, send anonymous letters/flowers/edible underwear)?
4. Guys who cry facing something like their own death and/or the death of a loved one are not girly or weak. Nor are they necessarily small and helpless. If I read one more fic where Danny Messer is a wimp (with that attitude??) or Nick Stokes blubbers in the corner at the drop of a hat (he's not Ianto, you know...) or Tony DiNozzo is severely underweight (have these authors seen Mike Weatherly?) and needs to be babied by their stronger older lovers, I am going to throw up!
5. Insane jealousy, snooping around someone's apartment, reading through their mail, their email, their trash or whatever is not sexy. Neither is physical abuse. I can see how some characters would go on a testosterone overload and try the neanderthal approach on their attempted (with rough groping or wrestling), but enough is enough. Restricting peoples' movements, needing to know where they are and with whom, and suspecting they'll fuck everyone they meet like insane rabbits is a sign of mental illness, and when the suspicion turns into actions, it's also usually illegal.
6. The female characters in the series are not maneaters or bitches. Unless they actually are. But it's safe to say that most female characters aren't. I'm not going to write any definite list about them (even though I would probably start with Hermione Granger, Dana Scully, Buffy Summers, Ziva David, Catherine Willows, Sara Sidle, Lindsay whatever from Montana, Calleigh Duquesne, Stella Bonasera, Kate Todd...), but anyway... I can deal with female characters being weirded or snarky or suspicious (can you see Scully be all yay about Mulder and Krycek? Yeah, me neither) but the're a difference between that and being a bitch. Writing the female characters like that is not only character bashing but it's kinda misogynistic as well, which pisses me off since most people writing this crap are women.
7. Let the fic end! Yeah, the guys got together and yeah, they had problems and yeah, now they live together. Try writing The End. It's not that hard! I promise.
If it's a story and you have stuff to say, go on and write a saga. If the story's already been told and then we get loads of new snippets and vignettes and maybe a sequel or eight and then 'ten years in the future', you're suffering from the Anne Rice syndrome and should go to rehab as soon as possible.
Seriously. People who go all OMG please write more are idiots. Don't listen to them.
*sigh*
I know there should be good fics out there somewhere, but it's so damn annoying to wade through all the crap trying to find it. Recs would be cool, but most rec sites I've been to tend to either glorify the crap or then link to annngst which isn't my thing. You know, all the dark stuff where the guys are just using each other and are pissed off and in the end no one is happy.
/rant
In case someone wants to make my day by telling me I'm a bitter fucker who should be shot to death for being evil and mean and flaming and crap... I'm stating an opinion in my own LJ, not naming any names or linking to anyone. If my rant hits too close to home, too bad; I'm not talking about anyone who probably reads my LJ anyway.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-02-25 06:27 pm (UTC)And I'm online now, so come on over and... oops. You already are. Nevermind. :D