Author: Rimau Sua Lay
Rating: overall NC-17, Angst, Drama, Action/Adventure, First Time
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Snape, Ron/Draco, (Sirius/Remus)
Date: December 2002 - ?
Disclaimers: Not mine, borrowed without permission, am not making any money. Please don't sue. Sherbet Lemon?
Summary for Book Three: -Does being a good guy mean you also have to be a nice guy? Draco is about to find out. Companionable silences and fist fights are a good way to hide deeper emotions.
Warning: This part contains mild violence, explicit sex between men, confusion about sex (not non-con really!) and as you can guess, angst.
The earlier parts of the fic can be found here.
The weirdness of the whole thing hit Harry exactly two days later.
He had no idea why it took so long. Probably because of the strange endlessness of their stay in the cottage. He couldn't remember how long they'd already been here, and it took some real effort to calculate how long they'd still stay. The number of the days meant little; somehow time seemed to pass slower here. Not a frantic blur of hours as it had been in Hogwarts.
There had never been a time like this in his life; when there was no one around to either loathe him or worship him. When he could simply relax, spend hours thinking about whatever he wanted or simply spend time not thinking about anything at all.
Harry smiled a little as he shifted on the couch. He couldn't deny loving this.
It was still bright outside. No need for more than a few candles here, even though it was way past dinner time. Not that Harry needed the light to see anything. He was simply lazing here, not bothering to read or play chess with Ron.
A rare occasion, to sit here in the living room, doing nothing.
Dinner had been good as always, although Ron had glared at his plate, poking at the food as if trying to find something disgusting in it. Harry had ignored it, eating with healthy appetite.
He'd offered to wash the dishes afterwards, but the glare on Snape's face as well as Ron's spluttering had made it clear that such an offer wasn't appreciated. So he'd left Snape to it; retreating as far as to the living room.
No matter how he wanted, he couldn't really justify going to Snape's room to wait for the man. Not this late.
It wouldn't have bothered Snape. Of that Harry was certain by now. After all, he would have said something if he minded his presence. But Snape wasn't the only one he had to consider.
Harry glanced at Ron, who was sprawling on the other couch, his spread out posture a clear message that he didn't appreciate company. Smiling, he noticed that his friend was dozing off.
Good. That meant that he could sit here in peace and think.
It wasn't easy to do that these days, not since he'd got his exam back. Two days, full of amazement; evading Ron's questioning glances and going to Snape's room, feeling the familiar fluttering excitement in his stomach.
No matter how he tried to be calm about the whole thing, he couldn't stop the smug smile from spreading to his lips as he thought about Snape. The grin assaulted him in the most inappropriate times, usually resulting in at least one person glaring at him. At least once wiped off by a kiss.
Kissing Snape. That thought alone had been a bit weird mere days ago, and now he was beyond that. Sneaking to be with the man whenever he could, the kisses were usually a prelude to other things to come.
After the first and surprisingly desperate need had somewhat dissipated, he'd realized he was indeed curious about Snape, in more ways than one. Some of the things he would have to figure out in time. He wasn't foolish enough to think that this new intimacy gave him the right to ask things considered personal.
It had been awkward enough to ask for the permission to watch, to explore, almost mortifying to hear the replying snort.
He still wondered how someone like Snape could be so comfortable lying there, completely naked, allowing him to stare at him, to touch him. Not that he complained, but he did wonder.
Like he wondered about other things; the comfortable silences between them, whether they were naked or not, being able to not perform things in bed like he sometimes did with those who saw only his fame. The ease with which he could talk to Snape, the grace in Snape when he'd knelt before him and then lowered his head to lick his prick.
Now there was heat rising to his face as the memory of this morning hit him. Going to Snape's room, trying not to feel like a total idiot. The first kiss that was still bordering on awkward, then biting hard on the inside of his cheek to keep from yelling as Snape had demonstrated his prowess in things that had nothing to do with Potions. Holding onto Snape's shoulders until his fingers cramped and knees gave up.
Curling deeper on the couch, Harry tried very hard not to blush. He didn't want Ron to ask any questions in case he wasn't asleep already.
He would be curious if he saw the foolish grin that was undoubtedly accompanying the blush. Harry couldn't help it; he'd never known anyone as uninhibited as Snape, had never shared the bed with anyone so experienced. Mind still focused on those nimble fingers or that mouth, he couldn't think of anything to say if Ron indeed asked why he was acting weirdly.
The truth would probably give him a heart attack. Hopefully Snape had some potion to cure that.
Of course sooner or later Ron would realize what was going on. Actually, it was a miracle he wasn't asking any questions yet. Harry wasn't in any hurry to tell him about him and Snape, even if it would be easier not to be forced to sneak around like this.
Telling Ron wouldn't make it easy, not immediately anyway. There'd be gawking and ranting. He knew that. But at least afterwards he wouldn't have to lie anymore. He was tired of lying.
He pushed the thought out of his mind. He wasn't about to tell Ron anything yet.
That's why he would spend the evening here staring into the flames, controlling his need to go to Snape's room again no matter how he craved his company. It wasn't about sex, they'd already spent hours in bed naked. It was about being close to him, simply enjoying his presence.
Maybe that was the weirdest thing. Not the sex, but the other things; being so comfortable with the man. He'd always thought that shagging changed things between people. Not this time.
Harry didn't know whether he wanted to think about the whole thing or not. It was so easy to just let things happen.
Near the fireplace, Draco Malfoy stroke the embers, planting a log into the fire. It was merely a routine, since the warmth of the day didn't call for a real blaze in the fireplace.
He was fascinated by the fire. Once again something he'd never really thought about earlier, when the fireplaces had been tended by dozens of house elves, and the flames were simply a means to contact others by the floo.
Planting another log in the fire, he smiled a little. This was probably the most enjoyable task he'd encountered here, not hard work like washing the windows or the dishes. He'd never volunteer to that, but he did kind of like this, watching the bright flames eat through the wood.
There was nothing better to do now. Weasley was snoring on the couch, probably still trying to recover from the ordeal that was eating Snape's cookings. Draco snorted at that. There was nothing wrong with the food. At least everyone else had liked it.
He cast a glance over his shoulder to see Potter sit on the other couch, lost in thoughts.
Of course Potter would have eaten even if it had been marinated Acromantula, Draco mused, not able to suppress his amusement at the thought. He turned his attention back to the fire, hiding his smile.
After all the resentment he'd harbored towards the Gryffindor hero and his strange ease with Snape, he was stunned to actually approve this new turn in their relationship.
If Snape wanted to shag Harry Potter, that was his business. Not Draco's.
He wondered just how long would those two continue acting as if there was nothing new between them. It had taken him a long time to see the weird companionship between them, but he had noticed this change immediately. Mostly because Potter was completely incapable of hiding any of his happiness right now.
That kind of glowing was really disgusting, the basic Gryffindor openness almost laughable. Draco would have indulged in showing his mirth if Snape weren't involved.
Now he simply watched, with only his gaze revealing his amusement from time to time.
Weasley was of course oblivious to the whole thing. It was inconceivable of how someone could be so blind about what was going on around them. Draco couldn't believe he was so repressed.
Things would definitely spice up when he did finally see what was going on right in front of him. There would be spluttering and probably screaming matches between the Gryffindors. Considering how silly Weasley could be, he might even try to confront Snape about the whole thing.
It was certainly something Draco was looking forward to.
He grabbed the iron poker and pushed one of the logs, watching in awe as it collapsed into embers. This almost peaceful silence wasn't that bad. At least it would lull him into sleep later on, when he got to his room.
Any night when he didn't spend hours tossing and turning, wondering about his future and remembering his past was a good one. Blissful in a new way. Mental calmness was a novel concept, one he was going to cherish whenever he could.
The sounds coming from the kitchen had died some time ago, followed by a soft click of Snape's door opening and then closing. There was a louder sound of the door slamming shut once again, heralding Snape's appearance. It was loud enough to even wake Ron up. Looking blearily at the man walking into the room with a scroll in his hands, he squirmed a little before settling back into the sprawl.
Not paying any attention to him, Snape walked across the room. There was a nod towards Malfoy as usually. He didn't seem to even notice Harry as he sat on the couch and then concentrated on his scroll.
The silence in the room sounded strange all of the sudden, as if the lack of sound that had previously been natural was now forced. Ron kept staring, his expression incredulous. Still poking at the embers, Draco held his expression in check only by biting the inside of his cheek.
Harry looked at Snape, gaze full of happy wonder. There was enough space for Malfoy to sit between them, and Snape had not said anything. To him, the gesture was still clear; an offering of sorts.
A thing, as Snape still called it. It was as appropriate word as any, Harry thought. He couldn't think of a more accurate one.
He knew Snape would not demonstrate any kind of friendliness towards him, especially not in public. He never instigated the touches in private either. That was why this was so astonishing.
Ignoring the way Ron kept staring at them, he closed his eyes, determined to simply enjoy this rare moment. The peaceful, happy moment.
Complete happiness came in flashes; small moments that were almost frozen in time, perfect in joy or pleasure or love. Harry preferred his memories that way, steering away from the events surrounding them.
For life was cruel. No happiness lasted beyond a moment.
He'd spent the past two days catching such moments as often as he could. Quiet moments alone with Snape; a hand brushing against his, hours spent in bed.
It wasn't perfect. Far from it, actually, with all the sneaking around and longing. Maybe that was what made it so good. As long as it wasn't perfect, it wouldn't go away.
Harry refused to wallow in that now. This was not going to end. Snape was not going to leave. They still had time here at the cottage, and he wasn't about to ruin it by thinking dark thoughts. There was no need for them.
Spoiling whatever happiness he could have by worrying about the time it might be over was the biggest stupidity ever, and an idiot or not, he wasn't going to do that.
He sighed softly.
It was easy to sit here, in more ways than Harry could have imagined. He didn't need to even look at Snape to know that there was once again that sharp look on his face as he concentrated on the scroll, completely focused on the text.
Not moving closer to touch was harder than he'd thought. Closeness with Snape was instinctive by now. Trying to act nonchalantly in front of Malfoy and Ron was definitely not easy.
Harry enjoyed this nevertheless.
The silence in the room was mellowing slowly, as nothing special happened. Ron was still keeping an eye on Harry. He didn't know why his friend was spending time with Snape, but could guess it was about the war. Snape could probably teach them all about being a real bastard, the core of the Death Eaters.
It was actually a relief that he wasn't giving any lectures to all of them. Ron shuddered. The awful Potions classes had been enough.
Things would be just fine if they continued like this, with Snape and Malfoy staying away from him. Preferably from Harry as well. So maybe his friend had to talk with Snape about Order business. It didn't mean he had to spend more time with him than necessary. Ron would wait and be patient and even more importantly, he'd be there for Harry.
A smile ghosted over his lips. They'd had so much fun a few days ago, de-gnoming the garden. Maybe they could do that again soon.
He didn't want to leave Harry alone with the Slytherins, but his bladder was now practically screaming at him. Moving slowly, he padded across the room. At least it wasn't raining outside.
"I think I'll go to bed." Not waiting for the door to slam shut after Weasley, Draco gave one last poke at the embers and then stood up.
He saw the approving nod from Snape and had to hurry out of the room before the insane urge to laugh took over.
Life was indeed strange. Insane even. But then again he couldn't think of anything in his world that had made sense these past few months.
Finding out that his father valued his own skin more than his hadn't come as a huge surprise. Watching the Head of his House allow someone like Harry Potter inch closer to him did. Whatever happened now, he didn't want to gawk. He'd leave that to Weasley.
Draco strolled to the stairs, imagining how shocked the redhead would be when he found out his perfect friend was having sex with Snape. It was the best thought he'd had in a long while.
The silence in the living room was somehow changed by Malfoy's absence. Harry let out a soft sigh and sagged on the couch a little, no longer so determined to keep the distance between him and Snape.
He was not going to Snape's room again today. They both knew it. It was still nice to be able to relax like this.
Not even trying to pretend he didn't notice the change in Harry's demeanor, Snape lowered the scroll he'd been reading and cast a knowing glance at him. The sheepish grin that greeted him simply made him snort. He wasn't going to waste any comments on that.
Harry moved even closer. Now that he had Snape's attention, he was not going to waste this short moment. No one would interrupt them for a few minutes.
"Wait!" Snape muttered and then turned to put the scroll on the small table. He was used to this by now, but was not about to let Harry destroy his reading material simply because he couldn't wait for a few seconds.
A moment later Harry snuggled against him.
It was quite strange to adapt to these demonstrations of fondness. To his utter dismay, Snape didn't react to the touches the way he usually did. Somewhere along the line he'd got used to Harry's nearness.
The mere thought was enough to make him uncomfortable.
These touches he could take in stride most of the time. It was the quite silly expression in Harry's eyes that turned the touches strange. Not the hungry look he had in bed, but something open, happy even.
Emotional Gryffindor! Only those coming from that House could be so easily affected by something as irrelevant as sex.
Harry turned his gaze away from Snape's, already shivering at the familiar dark look. He didn't want to start thinking about certain things right now, when he couldn't do anything about them.
Looking down, he leaned slightly against Snape's shoulder, trying very hard not to be too crowding. This was just so damn nice; him and Snape sitting here. He could spend hours like this, like he could spend hours in bed with the man.
Definitely not something he wanted to think right now.
He cast a look at Snape's hands, the stains catching his attention again. He couldn't remember him writing anything today. It was weird, the constant ink stains, considering there were so few calluses in his hands. Harry had seen hand lotion potion in his room and knew he wasn't neglecting his body.
"Wouldn't a simple charm get rid of those?" He asked it before he could think.
The question was followed with a brief apologetic glance that was completely ignored. Harry allowed himself to relax again, knowing he hadn't just overstepped some line. There were probably dozens he wasn't even aware of.
Glancing at his hands, Snape shrugged, "I don't really need to get rid of them." He saw the naked curiosity on Harry's face and waited for the next question.
Which never came.
He was amazed by the self control Harry was showing. He could see he wanted to ask, but something made him respect his privacy. How remarkable. It seemed Harry could indeed learn some measure of tact.
The relaxed silence pushed the words out of his mouth. He didn't know why, but it didn't feel completely intrusive to address this. "There used to be a time when a certain symbol, a mark defined everything I was. It was a lie, of course. This is... a far more accurate definition." It was definitely true. Not able to be a spy anymore, he was nothing but a potions brewing man.
The words made perfect sense. Harry remembered how careful Snape had been to hide his arm, but how he'd never seemed to even think about the smudges on his hands.
He smiled, wondering if Snape had said that intentionally, as a thing or if it just came out. Without even realizing what he was doing, his hand reached out to touch Snape's.
"Stop smiling like that, Potter. You look idiotic," Snape said.
That only made Harry's smile widen. "Sorry. Can't help it." Knowing that Ron would be back any minute now, he moved closer to Snape for just a moment.
Words between them were not always easy. Not the banter, not the quiet honesty. Touches were quite different.
Quirking up an eyebrow, Snape sat still as Harry nuzzled against him, quite obviously sniffing his neck. He wasn't really surprised by such odd behavior anymore. "No, I don't think you can."
Of course for a hormonal fool, Harry was showing remarkable restraint.
They sat in comfortable silence until the sounds coming from the door made Harry get up. His slow movements showed how reluctant he was to leave.
After his usual silent words to Snape, he walked out of the room, managing a thin smile at Ron who was muttering dark things about the outhouse and spiders.
Snape listened to the commotion Weasley made on his way upstairs, wondering how a person could manage to make so much noise on his own. He adjusted his robes a little before grabbing the scroll again.
Life did seem to be somewhat easier now. The tension that had filled the small cottage for weeks had lessened after he'd returned the Potions exams. He hadn't cared about the near panic showed by the three; one of the fringe benefits of being a teacher was being able to enjoy such small pleasures. Only now that there was no tension between Harry and him, he realized it had actually jarred his nerves.
He could sense another change as well, one that affected him even more clearly. True to himself, Harry was not trying very hard to hide his obvious enthusiasm, barely able to keep it from his housemate.
At least he was able to control it somehow. He wasn't even monopolizing Snape's time.
Snape raised his gaze from the scroll as the door opened again. He could hear Harry's soft footsteps falter as he passed the living room door, and then pick up speed again as he went upstairs.
He stretched, enjoying the simple movement. His shoulder was still a bit sore, the bruises a bit faded thanks to the salve, but certainly still there. He would have to brew more ointments for such injuries. There would undoubtedly be more times when Harry gripped him harder than he'd intended.
Considering that grip had been the only thing keeping the young idiot standing at the time, Snape couldn't really blame him.
The scroll forgotten on the table, he went mentally through his stores, wondering if he had all the ingredients he needed. So many potions he needed to brew. Wondering if he should get more thistle roots tomorrow, he stood up.
There were still things to do before going to bed.
Moving quietly around the room, Snape extinguished the candles. A softly muttered word took care of the glowing embers in the fireplace. He glanced into the kitchen, pleased that things were exactly like he'd left them, before he moved on.
The night air brushed warmly against his face as he stepped out. Ignoring the sensation, he walked to the outhouse, lost in thoughts but still aware of his surroundings.
Thistle roots. Yes, it was good he'd saved some of the Veela hair as well as the last bit of the Bubotuber pus he'd brought with him. That was the biggest annoyance here. Hogwarts might be a dangerous place to stay, but at least he could get things delivered there. Unlike here, where he had to improvise.
It wasn't that bad, he mused as he got back inside, locking the door behind him and securing the wards. He rather liked challenges. Even the most rudimentary potion could provide that with his dwindling supply of ingredients.
He would deal with that tomorrow.
Finishing his evening routines, Snape put his wand on the table, and climbed into bed. The sheets were slightly rumpled, and he turned to his side, trying to straighten the linen.
His hand met with something that didn't belong in his bed. Pulling the thing from under the covers, he stared at the yellow-red striped sock. Of course. Harry Potter might not be as big an inconvenience as he could be, but he certainly was a slob.
The sock went on the bedside table, next to his wand. It would stay there until tomorrow morning, when he could take it back to the idiot with a firm request to stop leaving dirty clothes in his personal space. Maybe this time Harry would even listen.
He let out a snort.
Snape pulled the covers up to his chin. "Nox." As the room turned dark, he closed his eyes, refusing to waste more time thinking about foolish things.
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Date: 2006-08-03 11:27 pm (UTC)I really admire your patience in telling this story. This chapter almost completely from all of their internal mussings was...nice. A lame word, but it was nice and peaceful, yet revealing in a unique way. The calm before the storm.
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Date: 2006-08-05 02:43 pm (UTC)I'm glad you see it as patience instead of dragging on and boring the crap out of everyone. But I do like the idea that people take time wondering about things before rushing straight in (even Gryffindors) and that sometimes things happen slowly... until it all explodes into action.
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Date: 2006-08-04 03:22 am (UTC)Great chapter. I have to say this story is still my favorite!
The sock in Snape's bed was priceless.
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Date: 2006-08-05 02:45 pm (UTC)Writing this story has been fun and I must admit it's one of my favorites as well. And yeah, can you imagine Snape's expression when he stares at Harry's very Gryffindor sock?
*grin*
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Date: 2006-08-05 08:27 pm (UTC)*snorts* I so can imagine it. Actually I think this is the only Snarry story I am reading.
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Date: 2006-08-05 08:30 pm (UTC)And it's the only Snarry you're reading? Whoa. Am flattered. :D Hope it won't disappoint later on... I think we're about half way through the fic now...
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Date: 2006-08-05 08:33 pm (UTC)Yep the only Snarry I'm reading. :) I doubt you'll disappoint me, it's been brilliant so far. Plus you've won my heart with this one. R/D is my OTP. :D
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Date: 2006-08-05 08:36 pm (UTC)*hugs*
Heh, that means I'll have to give Ron and Draco a happy ending, right? :) But yeah, it's great when you find something on your somewhat rare OTP.
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Date: 2006-08-05 08:38 pm (UTC)*hugs*
You don't have to, it is your story after all. ;) Hell I don't even know if they'll have a happy one in my story. I read quite a bit of Ron/Draco but this is the only one that has R/D AND Snarry in it. :)
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Date: 2006-08-05 08:41 pm (UTC)And I like the R/D contrast to the snarry. :D Of course I like the idea of R/D even without snarry too.... It's just that it's usually Ron and Hermione being the secondary pairing in snarry and even though it doesn't squick me, it sometimes gets really boring.
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Date: 2006-08-05 08:44 pm (UTC)I ship R/Hr but I don't read them, I think it's because too many people write them and it gets old after a while. I really like Ron/Pansy too. I don't know Ron/Draco just seems right to me for some reason.
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Date: 2006-08-05 08:51 pm (UTC)But working's so cool on its own. :D You don't have any homework and you can waste all your free time writing fic!
Ron/Hermione is okay in canon. I like all the awkward moments. If I read het, Ron/Pansy would sound intriguing. Alas, I have to settle to him and Draco. Woe... :D
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Date: 2006-08-05 08:53 pm (UTC)I don't read much het but I've got a soft spot for Ron/Pansy. Oh, I read a Ron/Blaise story once and it was pretty good. *nods* That would be a pairing I'd like to see more of. :) But Ron/Draco will always have my heart. :D It would also be nice to see more good Snarry stories.
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Date: 2006-08-05 09:01 pm (UTC)Oooh! Ron/Blaise! I adore Blaise! He's a sweetheart.... Er... And I hope you won't hate me if I kinda mistreat him or something... *whistles* But anyway, yeah, a good Snarry is always a joy. PWPs are cool, but it's also nice to sit down and just spent a whole rainy afternoon reading a long fic.
Er... or a rainy week...
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Date: 2006-08-05 09:04 pm (UTC)OOOOOO ... planning some Ron/Draco/Blaise lovin? *whistles* :D hahaha. I like long fics to short ones. Even if short ones have more of a plot and the whole thing isn't smut then I'm okay with it but I prefer long ones.
I wish we had a rainy week. Man I need to get more sleep, I'm acting funny right now. haha.
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Date: 2006-08-05 09:10 pm (UTC)Heh! I wish it were threesome! My Blaise would probably like that more than whatever happens to him... *evil* And yeah, I like long fics too, even though with this monstrosity (2.34 megs and still growing) I've become to see the appeal of short PWPs... Plot is fun to write, but it's not always easy.
And yeah, I hate it when it's too hot to sleep and your sheets get all moist and icky! Heh, I act funny all the time, so no worries!
*insane*
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Date: 2006-08-05 09:14 pm (UTC)Aww poor Blaise. :( *huggles him close* I've got two long fics going and thinking of starting another one. This one plot bunny just won't leave me alone. :)
*is reading part 20* pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee tell me Ron gets so freaked he runs into Draco's bed. *thinks* Okay Ron's not THAT smart but a girl can wish. *sigh*
I'm pretty nuts all the time too. :)
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Date: 2006-08-05 09:29 pm (UTC)I know what you mean about bunnies! Sometimes I just scribble things down and they end up being unfinished for ages and then some ideas grab me by the throat and don't let go.
:D Alas, Ron won't be that smart. But the poor boy will be totally freaked out for months. Probably years. :)
Being nuts is fun! All the time!
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Date: 2006-08-06 03:59 am (UTC)I've gotten this one written down and I'd really like to have a co-writer to go work with but it's hard finding someone.
Man as long as Ron is freaked out and still in Draco's been then it's all cool. ;)
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Date: 2006-08-09 04:57 pm (UTC)nice update, chica *dashes off to read next 2 chapters*
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Date: 2006-08-09 05:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-09 05:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-09 05:41 pm (UTC)Me? A goofball? No, I'm a very serious person!
*points at the icon*