Fic: No Hiding Place book Three: The Cottage (11/28)

[sua_lay]

Title: No Hiding Place: Book Three: The Cottage (11/28)
Author: Rimau Sua Lay
Rating: overall NC-17, Angst, Drama, Action/Adventure, First Time
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Snape, Ron/Draco, (Sirius/Remus)
Date: December 2002 - ?
Disclaimers: Not mine, borrowed without permission, am not making any money. Please don't sue. Sherbet Lemon?
Summary for Book Three: -Does being a good guy mean you also have to be a nice guy? Draco is about to find out. Companionable silences and fist fights are a good way to hide deeper emotions.
Warning: This part contains mild violence, explicit sex between men, confusion about sex (not non-con really!) and as you can guess, angst.

The earlier parts of the fic can be found here.

Part 11

After a poorly slept night, Harry wasn't at all surprised to wake up with a headache. Keeping his eyes closed, he lay there in bed, wishing he could fall back asleep.

Entangled in the sheets, feeling a bit sweaty, he couldn't pretend it was because of nightmares anymore. He couldn't remember having any dreams, good or bad. There was only a strangely satisfied feeling that had driven him to learn how to strip his bed and change the sheets before anyone else woke up when he'd been younger.

This time he knew it had nothing to do with extremely pleasant dreams leading to physical gratification.

He stayed there for a long time, trying to ignore the light shining through the window. Finally, he had to open his eyes. It was too bright in the room for him to sleep anymore.

Harry sighed. Things had been going so well lately. No melancholia, no insomnia. He couldn't understand what was happening to him.

It couldn't all be because of the weird conversation with Snape. Or the... thing with Snape.

The thing with Snape.

Staring at the ceiling, he repeated the words in his mind. Exploring the feelings they brought. Peace and calm. Sometimes heated conversations. Things he would add up to friendship if not for the fact that he had tried to kiss the man less than ten hours ago.

He closed his eyes again, as if to shut out the memory. It didn't work. Blocking out the hazy sight of the rafters just brought the images clearer to his mind. He tried to push them away, determined not to think about Snape like that. There was no way he would spend one moment reminiscing about the look in the man's eyes last night in the woods. Or thinking about the way water had rinsed away soap from his naked body.

Groaning, Harry opened his eyes again as his mind completely disobeyed him. Why couldn't he stop thinking about insane things, just this once?

He could bet he was the only one with this strange trouble sleeping. The house was quiet except for Ron's soft snuffling. Malfoy was probably asleep as well. From what he'd gathered, the Slytherin wasn't especially a morning person.

Snape would be downstairs. He'd been up late, so he'd probably still lie there on his bed, dressed in that silly looking night robe he'd worn back at Hogwarts. Harry wondered if he always slept curled into a ball. When he'd helped Snape to bed, he'd held the covers tight and twisted around as if trying to hide amongst the sheets.

The memory that had been somehow warming was suddenly making Harry hot.

Cursing his stupid thoughts, he turned to his side. This wasn't happening! Seeing Snape naked could not change things like this, spending time together and moonlit walks shouldn't make him think these things. This was simply a proof of his twisted imagination. A hormonal thing.

Too bad he wouldn't get rid of the mental image by going to talk to the man. It would have made things so much easier if he could walk downstairs to Snape's room and sit there on the chair while he worked things out with him. By talking. Nothing more. Definitely nothing more.

He realized his hand was moving slowly down his belly towards the rather shocking reaction the thoughts he tried to ignore were causing and sat up, placing his palms on the bed.

This had to stop. Now.

"Good morning!" A yawn followed Ron's words. "Hey, you're awake! Is everything all right?" He couldn't help teasing his friend.

Harry grinned at Ron's question, wondering what he'd say if he answered honestly. There would probably be no words, just spluttering. "Yes, everything's fine." He'd got good with lying, his voice revealing nothing of his inner turmoil.

"Cool." Not needing to lie in bed and curse the fact that he was awake like some people he could mention, Ron got up, gathering his clothes from the floor and sniffing them before starting to pull them on.

After a moment, Harry followed suit, grabbing his clothes from the closet. He'd accomplish nothing by staying in bed. His thoughts would still be there even if he was munching breakfast. Putting on his glasses, he busied himself with getting dressed.

His mind was still focused on his problem.

He should never have gone to Snape in the first place. Then he wouldn't like the man or think insane thoughts about him. Things would be perfect if he was still the nasty Potions master who barked out his name like the most vile curse ever invented and treated him like scum.

If he hadn't spent time together with him, finding a strange feeling of home in the dungeons. If only he hadn't seen Snape naked.

It should have been the most disgusting moment of his life. It should have scarred his psyche, terrified him. And damn it! Snape should have looked ugly or creepy or at least he should have had hairy back!

Harry banged his forehead against the wall.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Worried, Ron sat on his bed and stared at his friend. There was something he really needed to ask, but hadn't been certain if he should. Now he thought he kind of had to.

"I... I have no idea. Ask me after breakfast." Harry tried to make a joke out of it. He could tell by the look in Ron's eyes that he had failed miserably.

"This thing wouldn't have anything to do with what happened last night?"

The question froze Harry. Since when had Ron turned into a mind reader? "What do you mean?" He hoped his voice didn't really sound as weak as he thought. He was definitely panicking.

Keeping his expression blank, Ron said, "I noticed you went out for a walk last night." He nodded slightly at the wince he saw on Harry's face. "First I thought you'd just gone to the outhouse, but you were gone awfully long." Of course it didn't mean he'd gone somewhere other than to the small red toilet, but the wince had proven his suspicions right.

"Yeah, I did go for a walk." Harry kept his gaze on his best friend. Something in Ron's voice made him realize he couldn't evade the questions anymore. If he lied, he would seriously damage the friendship that meant the world to him.

Ron tilted his head. "So? You went out there all alone, and all you can say is that?" He tried to keep his voice level. Honestly. He didn't really succeed.

"No. Not alone."

The quiet admission was a surprise. Blanching, Ron wondered if Malfoy was playing some kind of a game with Harry too. The thought made him burn with rage, a strange mixture of anger and awful jealousy. "With Malfoy?" He was going to kill him.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Malfoy? No." He decided not to make any comments about Ron's tone. After all, right now, he was the last person to say anything about weird relations with Slytherins.

"Then who... Oh." Realizing it was a stupid question, Ron paused. Then he yelled, "Snape? You went out for a walk with Snape?"

"Yes." What a strange thing really. A simple, enjoyable walk with someone he was perfectly comfortable with. Not even the almost-kiss had managed to ruin their companionable mood.

"Are you insane? Why the hell would you go for a... With Snape? Why?" Ron knew that there had been Order meetings from which he'd been excluded and that Harry tried to pretend that Snape was a human being, but this was too much. Unbelievable. Crazy.

The obvious shock made Harry smile slightly. Yes, that would have been his own reaction six months ago, but not anymore. It had nothing to do with the strange attraction he felt towards Snape, it was much more complicated than that. "I think I need to tell you something. Promise not to yell." It was a good thing Ron was already sitting down.

"Okay."

Harry took a deep breath and released it slowly before saying, "I got to know Snape better after the holidays. Really know him. And... I like him." What an innocent word to use, but it was the truth. Or at least a part of the truth.

"What?" Feeling heat rise to his face, Ron jumped to his feet. "How the hell can you like him? He's an evil, nasty, greasy evil man! He's spent years torturing us! Giving his stupid Slytherins points and taking out ours with no reason! He's disgusting! And evil!"

It would have been quite amusing to listen to Ron splutter if Harry just liked the man. The words made him angry, not only because they were partly true, but because he couldn't believe in them anymore. "You sound like Sirius there." Realizing his voice betrayed his anger, he took a deep breath. "I know. But I still like him."

Ron couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd noticed Harry and Snape weren't exactly trying to tear each other apart with sarcasm anymore, but this was just ridiculous.

Trying to calm down, he managed to ask, "Why?" Could there be any reason for anyone to like Snape?

There was nothing Harry could really say. He could list plenty of reasons. Snape was smart, he had an evil sense of humor he rather liked. He was loyal, but not blind, and honest to the point of outright cruelty. There was something calming in his presence, a shared understanding of how it was to be labeled by the public. For a nasty Potions master, Snape could be surprisingly gentle in his own way.

It had taken him some time to realize it, but now Harry could clearly see that Snape must not completely loathe him anymore either. Ever since he'd first gone to see him, he had tolerated his presence. Now it was more like quiet companionship. It almost made him light headed, knowing that Snape wasn't doing any of it because he was the great Harry Potter.

That nonexisting hero had been scorned and then tolerated.

He was treated like a person.

None of that would make sense to Ron, he knew. Especially since Ron had never been where he had been for so many years; locked in loneliness and then showered with mindless adoration. Even if he could make his friend see all his reasons, he couldn't tell him everything he knew and felt about Snape. It would feel like betrayal.

"I just do. He's..." He searched for the words, dismissing such as 'a good man' and the good old 'not that bad' immediately. "He's different outside the class. I can't explain it, but I like him anyway."

Ron shook his head. "You're barmy." There was nothing different about Snape. He was a cruel man who didn't seem to care about anything but his stupid potions.

Shrugging, Harry stood up. "Probably." The grin he flashed at Ron wasn't even forced. He'd known the whole conversation was pointless.

"But..." Now Ron was completely lost. Was Harry joking? The glint in his eyes seemed to suggest that he found this whole thing funny. It was definitely not a sentiment he could share. He stared at his friend, not knowing what to say.

It was clear their conversation wasn't going anywhere. Harry said, "Don't worry about it. Let's go and have some breakfast."

He ignored Ron's suspicious looks and headed downstairs. It was weird, but he felt better after their little talk. Probably because of how he'd been forced to remember just why exactly he'd stopped hating Snape in the first place.

Breakfast was already served as they arrived. Harry smiled briefly at Snape before concentrating on his food. He was determined not to do anything stupid right now. Opening his mouth before he could have time to think about what was going on would definitely be seen as idiotic.

Ron on the other hand kept glaring at both Malfoy and Snape. He had no idea what was going on with Harry, but he for one was not going to start liking Slytherins. Especially the blond one. There had been a moment when he'd been almost relieved when Harry had said he'd sneaked out with Snape instead of Malfoy. It would have been a disaster, Harry being friendly with that git.

There were lots of things he was willing to face. That was not one of those things.

The day was very much like the previous ones; filled with moments of revelation and utter panic as the three students went through various books, scrolls and notepads. The living room was a complete mess of parchment scrolls and books littering every available surface. No one wanted to fail the exam. Snape would surely make their lives hell if they did, humiliating them with snide comments about lack of brains.

Turning the page, Harry lifted his gaze up from the book for a moment to look at Snape. Yes. There would be biting sarcasm if they didn't pass. None of them would be spared, not even him. He wouldn't expect to be.

He smiled a little before continuing reading. It was weird to think of Snape right now. Not because he was feeling uncomfortable around him, quite the opposite actually. Crushes had always made him all squirmy and awkward. Lust had always been simple. This was different.

Friendship, or as close to friendship Snape would ever allow them to get. Companionship. Harry felt peaceful with him, even though there were moments when he wanted to yell at him, mainly when they were arguing about something.

He didn't want to change that now. He needed the peace and quiet. It wouldn't be that difficult to ignore this whole thing and concentrate on what was familiar to him.

Right now that meant reading through his notes once again.

On the other side of the room, Draco was hunched over a huge volume, looking like he was enthralled by the text. He wasn't paying attention to the ancient potions recepies, his thoughts spinning in circles.

There had been that strange expression on Potter's face again; the smile that held no dark emotions in it, and it was aimed at Snape. He couldn't tell himself he was imagining things anymore, he'd seen that expression too often now. It was probable that Snape was aware of it too. Nothing usually escaped his attention. Yet, there were no cruel words or retributions.

It was curious. Draco couldn't decide which was more shocking, Potter's obvious relaxation near Snape or seeing Snape allow such coziness. If it was anyone other than those two, he would call this mellowness between them with a phrase he'd known since his early teens. All the looks and almost friendly banter were only strengthening his conviction that this was indeed a familiar game he was watching.

With Potter and Snape, he was going to have to find another definition. He wasn't certain he'd find one. It didn't really matter. His contemplations wouldn't change anything.

Noticing how Weasley bristled in the corner, Draco had to hide a grin. Well now. Maybe this did change things. He was not stupid enough to go discussing his professor's behavior with a Gryffindor, but he would indeed drop hints and suggestions when he had the chance to be alone with Weasley.

After all, when the exams were over, he'd have nothing better to do. Taunting Weasley was always his preferred sport.

Lunch was a welcome break from all the studying, a brief interlude, followed by more reading. In a way it was easier for everyone to concentrate on the books after lunch, for Snape retired to his room. It somehow lessened the tension but at the same time, it reminded everyone of tomorrow's ordeal. Snape was probably getting everything ready, or maybe he was grading their essays. Neither sounded very calming

Knowing that this was the last time they'd ever have to study Potions helped. At least it made Ron and Harry feel a lot better.

Harry grabbed yet another scroll, sighing as he read the header. Of course. He'd completely forgotten about protective charms and clothing. They hardly ever brewed anything really dangerous in class. It would be so like Snape to have them do that now.

Maybe Snape had been right. He hated all these little details, wishing they'd just be given a Potion to brew with detailed instructions. That would not be easy, but he was certain he could manage. Having to remember all the ways to protect people and things, the ways to cut ingredients, the ways to keep up the fire under the cauldron and then adding ingredients and stirring the potion was making his head spin.

He wished they could have had N.E.W.T.s on flying. At least then he could have excelled in something.

By dinnertime, he was completely dizzy. He knew he'd have to read more before going to bed, but was seriously afraid that it would make his head explode.

All he needed was to be able to remember this until tomorrow. Then he could happily forget everything he'd ever read about ladles and ingredients. In a way it felt stupid. Was there any point of studying for years just to pass a damn exam? It wasn't like he was going to need all this knowledge. He could manage to brew simple potions -- like the one to cure boils -- on his own but if he needed anything more complicated, he'd just buy it.

He knew by now that he would never be a Potions master, so all this reading felt utterly senseless.

Eppy had obviously been offended by their invasion in her kitchen. It had sparked some kind of a professional grudge in her. The dinner was excellent, a far cry from the usual tasty but simple food.

It was very nice. Harry kept munching happily, trying not to laugh at the small house elf standing by the door and looking smug.

He would definitely have fun describing her to Hermione.

Enjoying the meal was a good way to relax. Harry wondered if he could indeed go back to the books again. Maybe he should just go to bed early and hope a good night's sleep would clear his thoughts. He knew for a fact that he would need his wits tomorrow.

"All right, gentlemen."

It didn't matter that Snape had spoken quietly. Harry startled, wincing a moment later as Ron dropped his fork on the plate. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at Snape. "Yes?"

"We will start the exam tomorrow morning at ten. You'll need your books with you, and you should bring your wands as well, even though you will not be allowed to keep them most of the time while you work." Snape had seen some very bizarre attempts to cheat during his career and was determined to have everyone's wand where he could see them. "After you receive your results we can decide on what to do next."

He didn't even have to look at Harry. They both knew what would happen. The simple days of studying for the exam would be over, replaced by real work with training for the war.

Harry sighed. Considering what they would most likely face when they went back home, it was not hard to guess what they'd be working on from now on. It almost made him wish they could continue working on Potions. He hated them, but at least they never made him feel empty inside.

"Yes, sir." It was good that someone had a plan. Draco had no idea what would happen after this. His life was in professor Snape's hands for a a little longer, until he reached his eighteenth birthday. After that, he would have to work something out.

The others seemed to be focusing on the fight against the Dark Lord and his people. He wasn't certain he wanted to be a part of that, knowing the power they wielded. Fighting would be stupid, they'd probably all get killed.

Then again, it was probable he would get killed anyway. He knew his father, knew that after his deception he would never stop trying to find him. There was no place on this earth where he could hide from Lucius Malfoy's wrath.

He'd go with the flow. Finish studying for the easiest of N.E.W.T.s and then concentrate on this side of the war.

"We have lots of things to figure out." None of the things Harry really wanted to talk about. But the world had never cared about what he wanted. "I think it's best to deal with them here." He looked at Snape for the first time. The shared understanding of all the things they'd have to go through was almost overwhelming.

It made Harry drop his gaze after a few seconds.

"As long as I never have to do laundry again, everything's all right," Ron muttered, casting an angry look at Malfoy. He didn't know exactly what the others were planning, but he was definitely going to refuse if it had anything to do with him working together with the git again.

Instead of ignoring the glare, Malfoy sneered, "Well if you hadn't gone off wandering around the place, you wouldn't have been bitten."

That made Ron almost growl and he half rose from his chair. The sound of someone clearing his throat made him sit down again, the reaction immediate. It didn't matter what Harry said about Snape. He was not going to mistake of thinking he was friendly.

"I believe we all understand by now why no one should wander off alone." Snape's voice was slightly amused. After all, it had taken an almost lethal snake bite for some of them to learn the lesson.

Ron bristled at the words, but didn't say a thing.

"The wards will not be able to hold out every danger. We don't really know where we are, so there could be poisonous plants around here. Bathing can be dangerous if there are magical creatures in the water." It didn't really sound plausible in Snape's own ears, but then again with the dark creatures being imported to Britain -- and he knew for certain they hadn't left the island -- anything was possible. "Then there could be unfriendly Muggles around, so no hiking to the hills..."

A cough escaped Harry. Meeting the black gaze calmly, he added, "No gathering potions ingredients all alone in the middle of the night." Whatever else had happened last night, this was the most important thing.

Snape had known he'd make a comment about that. He glared, but didn't think he could say anything. It was the truth; he'd gone against the rules he'd set himself.

This was not the right moment for this conversation. They needed to concentrate on the exam first, then work on the rest. Snape knew that but had still allowed the peace and quiet to carry him away. His face hardened at the thought and he opened his mouth to change the subject back to tomorrow's exam.

Fearing that Harry's comment would lead into some kind of a retribution from Snape, Ron blurted out, "So... What do we do if we see Muggles out there?" He thought for a moment, realizing that wayward Muggles would probably be the least of their problems. "And what about Death Eaters? What are we supposed to do if they come after us?"

They were hiding, but Snape had said a couple of times that no place was completely safe. There was no way that Voldemort would get to know where they were, since the only one with that knowledge was Dumbledore. That didn't meant his people couldn't get lucky and stumble into the small cottage while on a raid.

There was an uncomfortable silence. Snape glanced at Harry, not at all surprised to see the understanding on the young man's face. Harry didn't seem to have any illusions about their situation. He turned to glance at Draco, who looked slightly baffled.

Changing the subject was impossible now. For once, these two young ones actually wanted to know what he and Harry already knew. They had not asked about things once since coming here, a willfull blindness Snape would have attributed on Gryffindors if Draco's silence hadn't been so painfully obvious. He couldn't ignore this.

Sighing, Snape said, "If we see any Muggles, we act casually. No magic, no panicking." That much should be obvious. He wasn't sure just exactly how casually three pureblood wizards could act around Muggles, but they would have to try.

It would probably be a disaster.

"In case we meet Death Eaters... The best option is always to run as fast as you can. Otherwise, you'll end up fighting for your lives."

"I think Voldemort would want at least Potter alive." Draco almost managed to make that sound casual. "They'll probably try to kill the rest of us, though."

Harry agreed on that. "Yes. I bet some of them don't acknowledge any charms or curses but the Unforgivables. They'll probably concentrate on the death curse without even thinking about it."

Black robed, masked figures handing out pain and death. The ultimate terror.

"But... What if we can't run? We can't really Apparate, because we have no idea where we are." Ron had heard Charlie tell about some of his colleagues who'd tried to Apparate blindly in Romania after an encounter with a vicious Longhorn. There was no way he wanted to end up like those two.

None of the four men realized just exactly how deep a silence had followed Ron's words.

"If we can not run, we'll have to fight," Harry said quietly. He knew that was what he'd probably have to do even if he could run, at least if the others were still in danger.

Something told him he'd probably end up standing side by side with Snape, hurling curses at Death Eaters.

"The simple charms or curses won't probably work. Don't even bother with disarming charms or stupefying. If Voldemort's people start something... Well, two words work every time." It still horrified Harry to speak so easily of the curse that had killed his parents. It had disgusted him to actually use it, but he was well aware that a time would come when it would be the only way, and they all needed to know that.

Ron could only stare at his best friend; the person he'd known for almost seven years, who had always seemed to abhor violence. "What? You can't mean that we should..."

"Kill them. Yes. I believe that's exactly what he meant." Snape cut through the babble. "If it ever comes to deciding between you and them, you'll do whatever you need to survive."

It had been something Draco had thought a lot about in his lonely room. There would come a time when he would have to fight against people he'd known for all his life. People he'd called friends. Family.

He wondered how Snape had been able to survive his encounter with Greg's dad. Not because the older Goyle had been any smarter than his son was, but because there was a certain bond between housemates.

If it ever came to deciding if he should take the life of someone that close to him, Draco feared he might hesitate. It would be the end. His opposites wouldn't stop, wouldn't think about loyalty. They would simply kill him. It didn't matter who he was then.

He'd made his choice; not to be like them, not to be like his father. He would never be a Death Eater, and he didn't want to die. So he'd better try his best to fight them. "Yes, sir."

Ron wasn't as easily convinced. "You really mean we should try to kill people?" It went against everything he'd been taught at Hogwarts. It was against the way his parents had raised him.

"Yes I do." The way the boy was obviously shocked by the mere thought both pleased and annoyed Snape. "If it means saving your own lives, then yes. You should kill them."

"Well it's easy for you to say!" Somehow the words escaped Ron before he could stop them. Instead of taking them back, he cast a sideways glance at Malfoy as if to add him to his comment, and then looked down.

Snape felt a surge of rage rush through him. This arrogant child didn't really understand anything. The accusation was so familiar, even though it was usually better veiled. He'd once been an idiot, doing stupid things that had led him into the murky world of dark magic. It seemed it had stained him for life, making everyone not only label him so simply, but also feel like it was their prerogative to fling comments at him like this.

"No, Ron."

Even Draco turned to stare at him. Was he really defending Snape?

Green eyes full of pain, Harry looked at Ron. This was the part of their reality he'd wanted to keep from his friends, the reason he'd insisted on excluding Ron and Hermione from the secret meetings and the inner circle of the Order.

He wished they'd never started this conversation. He'd gladly concentrate on Potions if he could forget all about this topic.

"The only people who truly enjoy using that curse are standing by Voldemort." Remembering tales of horror, he swallowed and added, "And maybe some of the old school Aurors as well."

There were always sick people fighting in all the wars. On both sides.

"It's not easy for him, and it's certainly not easy for me. So don't make comments about a thing you know nothing about." No anger. Only a memory of a terrible guilt.

It took Ron a few seconds to comprehend just exactly what Harry was trying to say. Then he went completely cold. "There is a difference between you and him." He didn't even try to hide the contempt in his voice. "He has killed people." Probably more than just Goyle's father.

Harry nodded. "So have I."

His words made both Ron and Draco gawk. Both had identical expressions of shock on their faces as they just stared at him.

The silence was suffocating. Harry didn't look at Snape, not wanting to see the look in the dark eyes. There would be no horror there, for Snape already knew what he was talking about. Not only because of the long hours spent in the dungeons when he'd tried to escape the memories that had haunted him every time he closed his eyes. They all knew; Snape, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Figg, Fletcher, Sirius and Remus. And at least one man outside the Order's inner circle. Bill Weasley.

He sometimes wondered if Mrs. Weasley knew as well. They had never talked about that night, but sometimes there was a look of sorrow on her face when she thought he wasn't paying attention.

Ron was trying desperately to think of what to say. He knew Harry had blamed himself for Cedric's death for a long time, but he'd thought his friend had got over the guilt. Then a thought hit him. Of course. "You didn't really kill him. Quirrel died because he was evil." Having a protective charm in your very being wasn't killing.

"Ron... I'm not talking about Quirrel." Pre-empting the next words, Harry forced himself to say, "And I'm not talking about the Triwizard contest either."

It was strange. Watching professor Quirrel die right before his eyes, the touch of his skin destroying the man, had not haunted his nightmares for long. Unlike Cedric's death. There had been nights, when he'd thought he'd lose his mind completely thinking about him. He had been innocent, not a part of the fight. He shouldn't have been there, shouldn't have died like that.

Snape didn't make a move, silently watching the three young men. He'd thought they would start talking about the war after the final exam, giving the three some time to focus solely on the Potions. The conversation that had started as one of the endless fights between Weasley and Malfoy had felt like a good opportunity to begin the dialogue with the youngsters.

He'd never thought it would come to this.

Seeing the determination on Harry's face, he stayed silent, simply observing. He knew what had happened a few years ago, had known since the first meetings they'd had with their small group. Had heard more details this spring. Even though he knew it was painful to Harry, he suspected it would be even more painful for Weasley to hear.

"Remember the night when we celebrated Bill's promotion?" Harry asked. He was sure Ron would remember it. The way all the Weasleys and Harry had gathered in the Burrow to honor Bill's new status as the Assistant Deputy Head of the Cursebreaking Department of Gringotts. It had been a wonderful evening, full of laughter and good food.

Until the Death Eaters came.

Ron nodded at that. Of course he remembered. "Sure. You were staying with us for the whole July, because..." He didn't think he should say anything about Harry's relatives. It would just give more ammunition to Snape and Malfoy. "Well, you know."

"Yes. We had the party, and then there were suddenly Death Eaters all over the place." Such a simple way to describe the utter panic. Everyone reaching for their wands, trying to protect their loved ones and fight at the same time.

"I remember mum yelling at Percy to get Ginny away from there." Her words had actually included both younger children, but Ron was not about to say that in front of Malfoy. "Then he and Penny grabbed Ginny and me and we Apparated."

They had left the chaos behind, but the fear had remained. It had been a horrible night. First waiting for the others to join them; then the terror when his mum, Bill and Harry had stayed behind.

Harry didn't want to do this. Not now, not ever. But he had to. "You know how they said that the attack was aimed at Bill, and that the Death Eaters didn't even know I was there at the time? That was true. They wanted to blackmail Gringotts." He sighed. "But when they realized they couldn't grab him easily, they tried to kill him."

Nausea swept over Ron. It was nothing he hadn't already guessed, but it still made him feel like he was about to vomit. He almost wished Malfoy would say something nasty so that he could bury his terror into rage once again, but the git was just sitting there, not saying anything.

"I kinda figured that out myself." No, he was definitely not thinking about the way Bill had shivered for hours, his strong and brave big brother suddenly looking like a stranger.

"I thought you would. But... We had to fight them. Your mum distracted them long enough for us to... Well, it doesn't really matter. The point is, they wouldn't stop. I threw every curse I knew at them. So did Bill. He knew stuff I'd never even heard of, but in the end there was just one thing that stopped them."

Ron stared. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Maybe he was hearing wrong. "But... But... The Aurors came. They... They killed the Death Eaters, didn't they?"

"Yes." No emotion in Harry's voice. "They did kill some of them. And so did I."

It had been the hardest thing he'd ever done; to raise his wand, thinking about the words. In the end, they had come out easily, for he'd seen that nothing else would work. He'd had a choice; to kill or to watch Bill Weasley die.

Put that way, there hadn't been much of a choice, really.

Night terrors and awful guilt over the rush of magic that had surged through him that night could not make him regret that decision. Neither could the way Ron was slowly shaking his head right now.

He didn't know why this was so damn hard. It had been painful to talk about it with the others in the Order, but it had been a walk through the Quidditch pitch compared to this.

Ron tried to say something. No sound came out. He could only stare. It made no sense. Harry was his friend. He would have told him. There was no way he would have killed someone like that. Like he actually meant it.

He had never thought about the war like that. It felt foolish now, even after over a year of Order meetings, but somehow it had all felt like a game. They went through meetings where they talked about strategy and healing and protecting and gathering their forces. There had never been real talk about killing. The special DADA courses had been about recognizing dark powers and running away from them or hiding.

Killing had been something that only the Death Eaters did. Even then it was called murder. Slaughter. Defending yourself was all about life.

They really thought this would come to killing? Ron had always had a vague idea of Harry ending up destroying Voldemort, but he'd always thought the Aurors would come to deal with the actual war. He had been aware of the fact that there would be fighting, but he'd never known just exactly what it would mean.

Harry had killed someone? He didn't know which made him feel worse; the fact that his best friend had killed, or that he'd never told him.

Seeing the dozens of questions in Ron's eyes, Harry swallowed. He didn't want to do this right now. "I know this comes as a shock, but can we... Can we not do this now? Please?"

His friend wouldn't simply listen to him talk, like Snape had. He'd ask questions, not probably understanding half of his answers simply because he had never faced such a situation. Harry knew he would eventually have to do this, with Ron and Hermione. Probably others as well. But not now.

"An excellent suggestion, Potter." Snape nodded.

Flinching out of his shock, Ron turned his gaze away from Harry. "Huh?" He wasn't sure he'd heard right. He wasn't sure about anything anymore.

Snape placed his empty cup on the table and reached for the teapot again. "So, we all agree to be careful out there. Still, we should discuss more about the dangers, after the exam. Gentlemen, you should go and refresh your memory of ingredients. I doubt any of you has had the brains to look into your Herbology books."

That made Harry get to his feet. He didn't even bother to mutter excuses before rushing upstairs.

As Ron stood up as if to follow him, Snape added, "Mr. Weasley. I will not postpone the exam because of Gryffindor emotionalism. I'd suggest you spend the rest of the evening studying and allow others to do so as well." His glare spoke volumes. "Now sit down and finish your meal."

It made Ron seethe with anger, but he did sit back down. After what Harry had just told him, how could he concentrate in Potions?

Merlin! Snape was such an unfeeling bastard.

How could Harry say he liked this man? This uncaring cold creep, who was now sitting there and sipping his tea calmly as if nothing had just happened. It made Ron bristle with anger, but Snape's icy glare kept him sitting at his place. He wanted nothing more than to go to Harry and talk to him; ask him about how he felt and try to help him somehow, if he could.

Stupid Snape! Damn him to the lowest of hells.

Ignoring Ron's murderous stare, Snape finished with his tea. He didn't hurry. It was best if he gave Harry some time alone.

The tension in the small dining area was tangible. He was actually surprised that Weasley could hold his tongue. Young Malfoy was of course concentrating on his cutlery, avoiding eye contact with anyone. He'd always been an intelligent boy.

Finally, Snape pushed his chair back. He didn't say anything, simply got up and walked out of the room, leaving the two youngsters to clean up the mess. He had more important things to do than to coddle young people who could perfectly well deal with themselves. If Weasley chose this moment to fight with Malfoy, he was welcome to. Snape simply didn't care.

Instead of following his initial plan and going to his room, he walked slowly up the stairs. Most of the portraits on the wall were staring at him with curiosity plain on their faces, some even tried to greet him. After all, they'd only seen him once before, when their sleepy peace had been disturbed by the arrival of four strangers.

Not paying any attention to the cheerful greetings, he moved on, not stopping until he reached upstairs. Casting a curious look around, he tried to think of which of the three doors would lead to the right room. Selecting one, he rapped his knuckles on the door. He didn't have to wait for long.

The door opened slowly, the hinges making a creaking sound.

There was a bland expression of indifference on Harry's face, melting into a tired grimace as he saw Snape. He didn't have to pretend now, didn't have to show a brave front. "Hi."

Snape nodded slightly. "I came to see if you needed anything." His words were curt, but he did feel a twinge of genuine concern inside.

"I... I don't know." There were dozens of things Harry needed right now. Needed to stop remembering, needed silence, but definitely didn't need to be alone. Didn't need any questions or compassion. Smiling wryly, he said, "I just need some sleep, I guess. I don't feel like reading anymore."

Words would simply dance on the paper, none of them making any sense. Last minute reading would be completely useless.

Snape pulled a small vial from a pocket inside his robes and offered it to Harry. He knew Harry didn't like taking potions usually, but this was a special occasion. Even if he didn't take it, he felt like he should offer it; the only kind of peace he could give Harry right now. "Maybe this will help."

"Thanks." Not bothering to even pretend he wasn't grateful, Harry took the vial. His fingers curled over the glass, his hand tingling with the warmth emanating from it.

There were no other words, no explanations. No polite inquiries or small talk. Snape thought about the children he'd left downstairs, knowing that Weasley was probably all anxious to come and see his friend again. Maybe Harry would indeed take the potion, just to avoid all the questions. He didn't blame the boy, for he had been there too; unable to handle his surroundings, too exhausted to fall asleep on his own. There had been lots of nights when the Draught of the Living Death had been the only thing that had kept him sane.

"Good night, Potter." Casting one last look at him, Snape turned around. He'd done what he'd come here for.

Harry held the vial tighter, his expression becoming brittle. He was glad Snape wasn't looking at him anymore. "Good night, Snape." He couldn't really take this kind of consideration right now, not after trying to act normally with the man all day long.

Not turning back to look at Harry, Snape walked down the stairs.

Ron had been pacing in the hallway, almost growling with anger. He'd left Malfoy to help Eppy clean up the dishes, fearing he'd punch Malfoy's face if he stayed with him for a moment longer.

What was Snape doing upstairs anyway? It was his place to go to Harry, not Snape's! Things like friendship and comfort were definitely not a part of that git.

When Snape finally came downstairs, Ron rushed up, his mind a whirlwind of questions. He didn't care that they had the exam in the morning. This was more important than anything. He wanted to be there for Harry.

Soft, even sound of breathing greeted him as he yanked the door to their room open. He stood at the doorway, completely stunned. Harry was lying in his bed, still clothed, fully asleep. On the small table next to the bed lay a small vial.

"Bloody hell..."

Snape had given him sleeping potion? Ron swore again. Damn the man! How could he do that? How could Harry just take such potion? It was clear he had taken the thing just a moment ago, when he'd known he was already on his way up here.

He wanted to grab the small vial from the table and throw it at the wall as hard as he could. He wanted to scream and shout, but of course that would do no good, since nothing would wake Harry up now. He'd probably sleep till the morning. At least he'd be well rested to face the exam.

It didn't make Ron feel any better. He was fuming.

After standing there for a moment, trying to figure out what to do next, he sighed. There was absolutely no way he was going to go downstairs for his books. Seeing either Snape or Malfoy might drive him into doing something violent. Maybe he'd better go to bed too and try to fall sleep.

Yeah right. As if that was going to happen after all that he'd just heard.

There were things he needed to do first. Casting worried glances at Harry every once in a while, he walked across the room to get clean pajamas. He laid them on his bed to be ready for him when he came from the outhouse.

Making sure his footsteps weren't overly loud, he sneaked back downstairs, heading to the door without even bothering to put on his heavy robes.

He was only going to the outhouse. He could manage like this.

As he stepped outside, a cold breeze hit him, almost making him turn around and go back inside for his thicker robes. He ignored the icy feeling and hurried to the outhouse. The sooner he went on with the business, the sooner he'd get to bed.

Ron reached out with his hand to grab the wooden handle to the door and then recoiled back as someone exited the outhouse. He glared angrily as he saw the blond. This was just great! The perfectly fucked up ending to an already fucked up day.

"Oh." Not even bothering to say he was sorry -- which he wasn't -- Draco stepped to his left. He didn't want to aggravate Weasley right now, not after what Potter had told them all. He was still a bit dazed about the whole thing; the goody-goody Gryffindor actually killing someone? He was amazed the Ministry hadn't had him arrested.

But of course they wouldn't arrest Harry Potter.

Moving to the side, Ron glared as Malfoy got into his way again. It wasn't amusing, the git always doing everything he could to annoy him. "Fuck off, Malfoy." It came out without any thought, like it was the only phrase Ron was familiar with and therefore usable in any situation.

That was really too much. The grey gaze was firmly fixed in blue as Draco refused to budge. He could feel the heat coming from Ron's body, realizing that in just a moment this would get ugly. There was a certain line that couldn't be crossed without violence ensuing. This was it.

Whatever had happened tonight didn't matter. They could have spent the whole evening in peace and it wouldn't have changed Weasley's behavior.

Always there to pick a fight. This time he'd get what he was asking for.

Letting the anger flush over him, Draco reveled in the warmth that filled him. He'd warned the weasel. Had walked away every time he'd sought for a fight. No more. Weasley would get what he deserved, for he couldn't resist the need inside him anymore, the urge to just grab the annoying redhead and smash his...

Draco recoiled as he realized his desire was not to smash Weasley's face against a tree and then laugh at his bloodied nose. Eyes wide, he stared at Ron.

How on earth had he never thought of this before? After all, he'd once considered this with Potter, when he'd still thought about ways to hurt him or to bring him to the Dark Lord's side. Watching the strange bonding between Snape and Potter was a bit annoying right now, as if his professor was now succeeding in something he had failed earlier.

There was no need or desire in him to seduce Harry Potter, not anymore. He wasn't certain what good such a game would do with Weasley either. It would however make him feel a lot better. That was certain.

It would probably freak Weasley out. Completely. That would be better than simply bruising his knuckles on his chin.

"So you gonna run after all? I should have known," Ron taunted with malevolent glee in his voice. Seeing Malfoy try to back off made him feel better than anything.

Instead of turning around and walking away, Draco raised an eyebrow. "I'm not going to run, Weasel, and you know it. Actually, you don't want me to run." He'd really been blind with this. This was exactly the way he should have approached this problem from the beginning.

Ron's mouth fell open, as Malfoy moved closer, his body brushing against his. There was something disturbingly alien in Malfoy right that moment. Something he'd never seen before. It made him blush, and he felt shivers go down his spine.

"Oh yes. You want something from me all right." Moving even closer to Ron, Draco smiled evilly as Ron backed away, only to be halted by a thick tree trunk. "But it's not a fight. You don't want to hit me. Or me to hit you."

"What the hell are you doing?" It was supposed to come out as an angry growl, but Ron could only manage a pitiful yelp.

Chest against Weasley's, face only inches away from his, Draco could feel his breath catch. Yes, this was so much better than idle threats. He stepped closer, sliding his thigh between Weasley's. "You know what I'm doing. The same thing we've been doing for a while now. It's simple, See?"

This time Ron didn't have time to try to reply before Malfoy's mouth closed over his in a savage kiss. There was nothing sweet or romantic in it. Only burning passion and lust.

Hatred! His hands squeezing on Malfoy's arms, Ron tried to keep his body from responding. This wasn't need or want, this was anger! And hatred! And... Damn, Malfoy's hands felt good on his arse! But it was still so damn wrong.

Wrong!

"Bastard!" The word was growled between kisses. Ron could feel from the slight shaking that Malfoy was laughing at him. That was even worse than the kissing. Always laughing at him. It made the anger burn even hotter.

With a shove, Ron freed himself of the disgusting Slytherin. He stood there panting, wanting to smash the grin out of his face. Just grab him and... His hands were moving before his brain could catch up with the whole idea, and then he was pushing Malfoy against that same tree. He tried to keep focus on the violent thoughts swimming in his mind, but somehow there didn't seem to be any strength in his fists.

He was simply pinning Malfoy against the tree. Holding him there. Feeling the hardness of his body against his own. Malfoy didn't seem to mind at all, the slight wriggling definitely ineffective if it was meant to be a struggle to get free.

"See?"

Hot breath caressed Ron's ear as Malfoy leaned closer to whisper. He shivered at the ghost of a touch.

"You don't want to hit me. You just want me." No sound of laughter in Draco's voice now. He acknowledged it to be true for him as well. Angry tension, sexual tension. So close to one another, he couldn't even begin to separate them.

However, he could think of worse things than to spend an evening naked and sweating with Weasley.

"No!" Ron yelled. He didn't want Malfoy. Did not! He could see from the gleam in the grey eyes that the git was about to kiss him again, and he let go, stepping back.

There was nothing he could really say. Words refused to come out, his mind blank. He couldn't think beyond the fact that Draco Malfoy, the most annoying Slytherin ever, had just kissed him, twice. And his body wasn't exactly screaming in horror as his mind was.

With something disgustingly like a sob, he turned around, running away as fast as he could.

Only the sound of Malfoy gasping for breath followed him. There was no laughter, no taunts thrown at his back. Nothing to indicate it had been just a cruel joke.

Ron had no idea why that bothered him the most.

---

Comments

[nicholsa.livejournal.com]

ohhh..*grin* I love the tension between Draco and Ron. You really are very very good at building up the tension and anticipation!

[sua-lay.livejournal.com]

:) Thank you. Not that the tension will actually go anywhere... Poor Ron.

[duskspoken.livejournal.com]

I'm actually a bit shocked that it's Ron/Draco snogging before Snape/Harry. LOL. BUT since I like them better it's all good. :D

[sua-lay.livejournal.com]

Heh, the Ron/Draco really isn't the biggest and sweetest romance, but they sure seem to get to business quite fast... :)

[duskspoken.livejournal.com]

Of course they aren't, neither Draco nor Ron are the sweetest of guys ;) And yes they do.

[volatile.livejournal.com]

Nothing better than a good snogging session!

[sua-lay.livejournal.com]

That's what you say now! Just wait until the next Ron/Draco session... :D

[yura-slash.livejournal.com]

YES!!! ron/draco! i love you to pieces *dips and kisses you passionately*

;)

[sua-lay.livejournal.com]

Oooo! Kissage!

[raisinous-fiend.livejournal.com]

ho ho ho!!!! oh, i enjoyed that.

it IS surprising that drake and ron kissed before sev and harry... but at the same time, it's kinda fitting, isn't it? harry and sev are kinda dancing around each other, figuring their own feelings out before making any moves, while drake and ron are very confrontational, so they rush it and then deal with the consequences.

really, good job. whee!

[sua-lay.livejournal.com]

:D Excellent!

Of course Snape and Harry are heading towards something quite different than Ron and Draco...