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sua_layAuthor: Rimau Sua Lay
Rating: overall NC-17, Angst, Drama, Action/Adventure, First Time
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Snape, Ron/Draco, (Sirius/Remus)
Date: December 2002 - ?
Disclaimers: Not mine, borrowed without permission, am not making any money. Please don't sue. Sherbet Lemon?
Summary for Book Three: -Does being a good guy mean you also have to be a nice guy? Draco is about to find out. Companionable silences and fist fights are a good way to hide deeper emotions.
Warning: This part contains mild violence, explicit sex between men, confusion about sex (not non-con really!) and as you can guess, angst.
The earlier parts of the fic can be found here.
Snape moved slowly towards his bedroom. Carrying the various potions ingredients back to their place was a careful job, especially now that his arms felt like overcooked spaghetti.
Shoving the door open with his shoulder, he stumbled into his room and then placed the bundles and vials on the table. He was too exhausted to actually organize them on a shelf. They'd be safe here, and he could do the work tomorrow.
The Pepperup potion was wearing off. He knew that in an hour or so, his body would simply stop functioning and he'd collapse on any available surface.
That was why he couldn't rest now. There were things to do.
Sighing, he went back to the living room. Malfoy and Harry had managed to clean up some of the mess there, all traces of the spilled potion were gone from the floor. The cauldron was next to the couch and the ladle rested on the floor by the hearth. None of them had the strength to remove them right now.
They could wait. Right now, they needed to get clean and then eat something. Everything else was unimportant.
Draco stood up straight and scratched his head. He felt absolutely filthy. It had been a long day, and he'd been all sweaty even before working over the hot cauldron. Now there were smudges on his still shaking hands. He hated being all dirty.
Looking around, he wondered what to do next. There was still a big mess in the corner and the air practically reeked of burned thyme. He thought that he should open a window, but couldn't gather enough strength to actually do anything. It was probably past dinner time, but he wasn't hungry. All he wanted to do was to sleep. Maybe take a quick bath and then sleep.
Right now he'd settle with even a simple cleaning charm and then sleep. As long as there was sleeping in his schedule, everything would be all right.
"Mr. Malfoy."
Raising his gaze to see Snape standing at the door, Draco nodded wearily. "Sir?" He hoped the professor didn't want him to do anything right now. Collapsing on the floor would make him look utterly ridiculous.
Snape swayed a little, but refused to lean against the door frame. "Go and get a clean change of clothes, Mr. Malfoy. I believe the Pepperup potion will work long enough for us all to bathe." He sounded weary.
"Yes, sir." Right that moment, bathing sounded like the best idea ever.
It took him a moment to go and gather his last clean robes and a towel, but after a few minutes, Draco trudged after Snape to the stream.
Harry barely noticed the two leaving. He was sitting on the floor next to the couch on which Ron was lying, all wrapped up in the blanket.
He was trying to calm down, his heart still pounding too hard.
Too many things had happened today, too many emotions rushing through him. He felt drained. It hadn't been like this in ages. The last time he'd been... He flinched at the thought.
The last time he'd gone through such an emotional roller coaster had been almost exactly a year ago; when he'd fought against the Death Eaters the last time. It had resulted in the same numbness.
Harry couldn't understand how he didn't feel anything. His body showed signs of exhaustion and excitement, adrenaline making his mouth taste strange. Bitter. But he was all cold inside.
He stared at Ron, relieved by the slow but steady rise and fall of his chest. It had somehow been worse than the assaults he'd faced. He could handle being hurt, but to lose a friend... That was his worst nightmare. Being able to act rationally even when Ron had slowly slipped away had been a blessing.
He didn't think he should be able to keep the fear at bay anymore.
Any normal person should have been shaking and crying or throwing up right now. Maybe even doing all those things at the same time. He just felt numb and tired as hell.
It didn't really matter how he felt as long as Ron was alive.
Everything revolved around that simple thought. He could deal with anything if it kept the people he loved safe. That was the reason he'd keep fighting till the end. Not selflessness or a noble cause. Duty couldn't drive him on like that; love did. As long as Sirius and Remus and Snape and Ron and Hermione and Dumbledore and McGonagall and the Weasleys and all his housemates were alive, he could go on.
He was startled out of his thoughts as the door banged open. The sudden sound from the hallway brought him to his feet with wand in hand. Tension filling his body, he prepared to guard his friend with his life.
"Good reflexes, Potter," Snape commented from the doorway. Behind him, Draco padded forward with a wet towel in hand.
Relaxing at the familiar tones, Harry put his wand back inside his robes. He was so tired, he doubted he could have fought off even the most inept of Death Eaters. "Yeah, well what do you except sneaking up on me like that?"
Draco raised an eyebrow at the irritated words. He was certain Snape would hex Potter for them. It was about time. He'd noticed how the Gryffindor got away with things no one else would dare to try. He talked to Snape as if he was somehow equal to him and hadn't called him 'sir' since they'd got here.
To his surprise, Snape simply stood there, staring at Potter. He didn't seem to be offended by the words or the tone.
"You look like you could use a bath as well, Potter." That had to be the understatement of the year, like saying Longbottom needed some help with Potions. "I'm certain Mr. Malfoy will be able to look after your friend while you get cleaned."
Harry's gaze flickered to Draco. He pondered the words for a moment, taking in the completely drained look on the other boy. It didn't seem like he'd be able to look after anyone right now. Still, he needed to freshen up. "All right."
With one last look at Ron, he went to get his stuff.
Climbing the stairs was a task in itself. Harry struggled to get to the top, dragging his feet. He grabbed a shabby pullover and his least favorite pants -- Dudley's old ones, only about five sizes too big on him. All the other clothes he owned were still drying somewhere near the snake's home. He didn't really feel like going there to collect his probably still damp stuff right now.
Holding the clothes and a towel against his chest, he went downstairs. It was definitely easier to descend the stairs. The idea of getting immersed in the water was enough to drive him on.
"Are you ready?" Looking about as tired as he felt, Snape stood there, at the door. He was holding a familiar looking bag and a towel. When he saw the nod, he gestured with his free hand, "Let's go then."
Harry didn't bother to answer. He simply followed Snape outside.
The sun was already setting and it was chilly outside. Wrapping his dirty robes tighter around him, Harry walked beside Snape, trying not to trip over his own feet.
His mind was a bit fuzzy, probably because of all the excitement and weariness. He was glad Snape wasn't into pointless babbling. Getting his brain to form intelligent conversation would be impossible right now.
Reaching the riverbank, he let the clean clothes drop on the ground. Next to him, Snape was arranging the contents of his small bag, the vials clinking softly.
It made Harry blink. "You..." Fortunately his mind could still work enough to make him shut up before he could actually finish that sentence. "Er... I mean, you can bathe first. I'll stand guard." He definitely didn't want to ask Snape how could he trust bathing with a complete idiot.
Snape raised his eyebrow. It was unlikely Harry could guard him against anything right now. He didn't say it, he simply started to remove his robes. He could take care of himself.
"Um... Right." Harry was stunned. Turning his back to Snape, he once again grabbed his wand, squeezing it until his knuckles hurt.
Things were all so weird right now. Malfoy had helped them save Ron's life -- had indeed saved it by dragging him to the cottage. He had enjoyed making a potion. Snape was trusting him enough to do this again, when the last time they'd stood here on the riverbank had been a complete disaster.
Trusting him with this instead of Malfoy. That was definitely a shock.
He was determined not to make an arse of himself again. Being tired helped. The thought of having Snape all naked again so close behind him didn't make him turn around this time. He kept listening to the splashing, though, to be ready to help him if he needed any assistance.
There were no sounds of distress this time. Harry stood there, fiddling with his wand. He could hear Snape washing himself. Heard a vial being opened and then closed again. Then there was a small silence before more splashing.
"Your turn, Potter. The water should still be warm enough for you to bathe." Snape finished pulling his robes on. He wondered if the boy had even heard him, as Harry didn't move for a moment.
"Okay." Harry lowered his wand and started to pull off his grimy clothes.
Snape watched Harry for a moment longer, frowning as he saw him stumble a bit. It was clear that he was exhausted. He would have to make sure the boy didn't drown.
Moving slowly, Harry managed to undress without falling on his face. He saw that Snape had left some of the vials on the rock protruding from the water. Good. He'd forgot to bring anything with him. At least now he could get cleaned.
He waded into the stream with care; drowning wasn't really in his agenda right now. The water was still nice and warm, feeling perfect. He stood there for some time, just enjoying the currents swirling against his body. Then he reached out for the vials.
Even though his arms shook with the exertion, he kept massaging the shampoo to his scalp. After rinsing, he grabbed the soap, happy to get the overwhelming odor of thyme off his skin. Nothing he'd ever bought had managed to clean his skin this easily. The liquid had to be homemade, one of Snape's potions.
Harry smiled at the thought and looked over his shoulder to see the man standing near his clothes, his back turned to him. Snape was running his fingers through his wet hair, staring at the cottage. Definitely not ogling at him as he was standing here naked and wet.
A slow tingling feeling crept down his belly at the thought.
Trying very hard not to think about the fact that yes, he was indeed naked here, and that not that long ago, he had watched Snape bathe, Harry dunked himself, and then grabbed his wand from the rock. Keeping his voice as quiet as possible, he muttered, "Finite incantatem," and pointed the wand at the water.
"Gaaah!" The freezing water made him scream. Wide awake and shivering, he scrambled out of the stream as fast as he could.
Snape was there in a second. "What is it? What happened?" Seeing that there was nothing wrong with Harry, he turned his gaze to the river. Nothing seemed out of place there either.
Wrapping himself in his towel, Harry tried to stop shivering. "Just thought it'd be good to make the water cooler." Realizing how weird that sounded, he offered, "To stay awake. I didn't know it was that cold."
"Apparently your brain cells have fallen asleep already, Potter." Sounding amused, Snape turned his back on the river.
"Yeah. Apparently so." Harry wasn't even offended by the words. After all, they were true. His brain had definitely fallen asleep, was probably in a coma, considering how he didn't seem to be able to do or say anything intelligent.
Snape let a slight smile appear on his face at the grumpy sound of Harry's voice. He'd been wondering if the boy would collapse after they'd finished covering Weasley with the antidote. Hearing such annoyance in his voice made him feel better.
Dressing quickly to chase away the cold, Harry kept glancing at Snape. He didn't know what had changed, but it was obvious something had. It was easy to be with Snape again, the strange hesitation and feeling of giggly -- and utterly ridiculous -- embarrassment gone.
He gathered the small vials into the bag and then wrapped his dirty robes into a bundle. The icy water had indeed invigorated him, but he could feel the fatigue lurking right around the corner.
"Come on, Potter. Let's go back to the cottage." Not even bothering to wait for an answer, Snape grabbed his bag from Harry and headed towards their small hideaway.
They walked in companionable silence.
The first thing Harry did back inside was to check on Ron again. He couldn't help it; he would worry until the moment his friend opened his eyes and said something to him. Hearing Ron's breathing made him relax slightly.
Snape went to put his towel and other stuff away. His footsteps felt leaden somehow. Still, he had the strength to move back to the living room.
He noticed that Malfoy was almost asleep on the other couch. "You should go to bed. We all need some rest. I doubt we will get anything done tomorrow." Seeing the startled expression on the boy, he added, "Naturally this will postpone the exams. Go to bed, Mr. Malfoy. There is nothing you can do here."
"Thank you, sir." Draco yawned as he got to his feet, but he didn't even bother to cover his mouth with his hand. He was too tired to mind his manners. Stumbling a little, he headed to the stairs.
Barely noticing Malfoy leaving, Harry kept staring at Ron. His friend looked so strange lying there. Ron never stayed still for long, especially when sleeping.
"It's best to leave him there."
Harry looked up and then smiled wanly at Snape. "Yeah. I don't think I could carry him upstairs now." If Ron wouldn't really wake up for hours, he'd be comfortable here as well. Harry hesitated. Leaving him alone didn't feel right. "I'll stay with him." He was used to sleeping on chairs and couches.
"It won't make any difference, really. You can't do anything." The potion would work on its own. Snape understood why Harry couldn't leave, it wasn't hard to guess. He would worry if he left Weasley, and he wouldn't want to sleep alone upstairs. "But of course you can sleep here."
"I will." It was painful to watch Ron like this, but Harry didn't want to leave. Didn't think he could sleep in their room all alone. He was still waiting for some kind of a reaction to all that had happened, feeling almost betrayed by the unnatural calmness inside.
He didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night, feeling his skin clammy with sweat, breathing hard as the silence of his room bore down on him. It had happened so often back at Hogwarts, before he'd had Snape to go to. Now, with Ron lying here as still as a corpse, he couldn't handle such silence.
There would be no real sounds in this room either, but at least he'd have the fantasy of not being completely alone here.
A thought hit him. He didn't want to analyze it too much, but simply blurted out, "Could you stay here for a while? With me." He kept his gaze on Ron, not wanting to see Snape's expression right now.
Snape didn't say anything for a moment. He knew Harry would look at him and then ask again if he really needed his company. The silence was mellow, not desperate.
"I..." To his surprise, Snape realized that he didn't have any pressing reason to leave just now. There was nothing urgent for him to do in his rooms, and he didn't think he could fall asleep right now. Staying here with Harry was better than staring at the wall. "All right." He grabbed his wand and then muttered a simple word to enlargen the couch.
Harry smiled at the familiar charm, scooting over to make room. "Thanks."
Gathering his robes around him like a shield, Snape sat down. His body felt heavy, relaxed as he was finally resting.
Had it been anyone else, Harry would have hugged him tight. He knew Snape would abhor such behavior, especially in front of others -- and it didn't matter Ron was unconscious, he he'd still be considered as audience. So instead, he reached out and touched Snape's arm softly. "And thank you. For what you did to Ron. Without you he'd be dead right now."
Snape glanced down at the hand resting on his arm, but didn't shrug it off. "I just did my job, Potter." The words were curt, but there was no displeasure in his voice.
"Maybe. But that doesn't mean I can't thank you." Squeezing his arm just a little, knowing Snape had to feel sore as well, Harry let go and then curled on the corner of the couch.
Deciding not to say anything to that, Snape simply nodded.
Harry yawned, enjoying the soft cushions under his head. This was an excellent couch to sleep on. "So... You mean it?" Seeing the raised eyebrow, he elaborated, "The exam. You won't give it to us on Monday."
"No. I doubt any of you are in condition to think tomorrow, not to mention study," Snape muttered. "Even though that may be a permanent condition with most of you."
It was strange how that didn't seem to come out right. There was no malice in the words, just an echo of weariness.
Hearing the familiar sarcasm actually made Harry feel better. He was wonderfully clean and warm. In a few minutes he'd fall asleep, and knowing that Snape was right here was comforting.
Things had changed. Life had become more complicated, but somehow also simpler.
"I've missed this." Realizing he had actually said it out loud, Harry smiled a little. "Funny, isn't it?" To be so comfortable with Snape. To miss the evenings spent in his rooms.
That was a part of the uneasy feeling he'd had for days now. He saw the man every day and could talk to him whenever he wanted, but it wasn't the same. With Ron and Malfoy there, he didn't have a chance to just be with him.
Snape nodded absentmindedly. It was indeed funny. Ridiculous. The mere concept could empty all the closets in Britain of Boggarts. But he couldn't say he hadn't noticed Harry's absence as well. This was the first time in years when he'd had nothing to do in his rooms. No classes to plan. No potions to brew for various people. No grading, no plotting for the next Death Eater meeting. He'd simply been resting, enjoying the silence.
Still, it had felt like something had been missing. He'd got used to having Harry in his rooms and even if he wouldn't go as far as to say he'd actually missed the boy, he had noticed his absence.
"You know, I don't know whether to be happy about all this or feel really guilty." Yawning, Harry shifted his position. "I mean, here we are, doing almost nothing, and back home, everyone's reading and studying like maniacs. Even with the thing with Potions and all, this is so peaceful."
It could well be the last peaceful moment in their lives, if Malfoy had been right about Voldemort's plan. The summer would arrive pretty soon, and from then on, his life would be about war.
"Enjoy it." Snape chose not to comment on the 'thing with Potions'. He knew Harry was absolutely right. Their stay here was an interlude; a dreamlike moment between tiring battles.
He saw a flash of some darker emotion in Harry's eyes, and knew he didn't have to say anything about the future. They both knew what would come. Both knew about the risks and the losses. Neither had any fantasies about the war.
"I will." It was only a whisper.
Harry snuggled on the cushion, closing his eyes. He didn't want to think about the future, not now when everything seemed so perfect. Thinking would just ruin it. It was best to just cherish the moment; the heavy feeling of drowsiness descending over him, Snape's presence nearby. The faint scent of thyme still lingering in the room.
Still contemplating the war, Snape wondered what the Order was planning. He knew Dumbledore well enough to realize that he probably had the future planned already.
It was a good thing, for whatever would happen, it would be well organized. His old Master had his flaws, but if he listened to Lucius, their attack would be brilliantly detailed. He doubted there would be a full blown attack on Hogwarts. That would be too precarious to the Death Eaters.
The Dark Lord would need his people to establish a stronghold, to take over all the important posts in the wizarding world. They would have to defeat more than just Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter. Sadly, Snape thought, the rest of their world would probably fall without those two. Fudge was too stupid to really be any danger to Voldemort. Aurors wouldn't be able to fight him off without a good leader.
So it was up to them.
Above all else, the Order had to survive. That also meant that Albus and Harry had to survive. No one else could unite people to actually fight. What a strange thing. The fate of their world laying on the shoulders of an old man and a youngster. A brilliant old man whose mind was as sharp as a blade. A young man who might not be the bravest or the most intelligent, but who would never give up the fight.
The soft sound of snoring interrupted Snape's thoughts. He turned to see Harry fast asleep on the couch.
He couldn't help feeling amused by the sight. Their great hope was drooling on a cushion. He couldn't understand how people wanted to see Harry as a great hero, an object of reverent worship. He might not be a child anymore, but he was still only a human.
Snape pushed the thought out of his head. How strange his mind would keep insisting returning to that.
It was time for him to go to bed. Everyone else was already asleep and there would be a lot to do tomorrow. They still had things to clean, and someone had to take care of the rest of the laundry.
More importantly, he hadn't finished the questions for the exam yet.
Yawning, Snape stretched his legs, feeling reluctant to get up. The small house was so quiet, silence and darkness lulling him towards sleep. He couldn't really stay here on the couch, especially with Harry Potter stretching on it, his feet almost touching him already, but the door seemed to be so damn far away.
Maybe he should stay here for a moment longer. He closed his eyes, determined to simply rest them for a while. Very soon he would get up and go to his room, where he could curl in his bed and not worry about anyone's dirty socks rubbing against his robes.
Harry's socks weren't enough to drive him away; he was simply too tired to get up. Not even the brush of something heavy against his thigh could make him jolt wide awake. He could always make snide comments to Harry about his obvious tendency to invade his privacy in the morning.
Shifting his position a little, Snape laid his hand on the foot that was resting on his lap and drifted off to sleep.
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no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 09:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 10:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 10:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 10:37 pm (UTC)Heh, how about the next year or so it takes me to actually post the whole damn fic...
no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 11:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 11:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-04 11:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-05 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-05 02:02 am (UTC)Poor Ron! :( I do hope he gets better. *snickers* I LOVE Draco's reaction to having to undress him.
That last bit with Snape and Harry's foot was too cute. :)
I really can't wait for more. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-07-05 04:55 pm (UTC)*hides*
Yeah, poor Ron indeed! That temper of his gets him in trouble every time. I bet Draco would have no problems with undressing anyone for sex, but this is different.
And yeah, even though the word 'cute' rarely applies to Snape, he and Harry are just too adorable together... :D
no subject
Date: 2006-07-07 03:03 am (UTC)Ron's temper though is typical of a redhead ;) Trust me, I live with one.
*snorts* I bet Draco would have no problem getting someone out of their clothes for sex. ;)
No it doesn't apply to Snape but the scene with the foot was just too cute. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-07-05 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-07-05 07:46 pm (UTC)*cheers with you*