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sua_layAuthor: Rimau Sua Lay
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Snape, Ron/Draco, (Sirius/Remus)
Disclaimers: Not mine, borrowed without permission, am not making any money. Please don't sue. Sherbet Lemon?
Summary: -Harry can not survive his dark thoughts anymore. At least not alone.
Warning: This part contains angst.
Snape was swearing as he entered the dungeons.
Everything had been going so well until he returned the castle. It was the first full moon since the Winter Solstice, and he'd gone out to the Forbidden Forest to collect some herbs. He knew he could have got the same plants from the greenhouse, but they wouldn't have been as powerful as the ones cut by the light of the full moon.
Right outside the entrance, he'd stumbled into Sibyll Trelawney. She'd been rushing outside in her most flimsy robe, muttering something about going to the spring to see the future. Snape had been eternally grateful he hadn't met her later on. The way she liked to dance naked in the moonlight was legendary.
Being disrupted by an annoying colleague had almost ruined the night. It wasn't until she'd disappeared from sight that Snape had realized he'd dropped his sickle, and had to spend a few minutes searching for it in the bush next to the door. He hadn't really minded the delay. Tearing his robe and getting a scratch on his face were quite different.
It was safe to say that he'd seen better nights.
Still muttering to himself about the lunacy of a certain Divinations professor, Snape strode towards his rooms. It was late, but he'd taken a nap right after tea. He was prepared to work for most of the night. Too bad tomorrow would be a workday, but he'd manage. It wasn't like he'd get any crankier by losing sleep.
Closing in on his quarters, Snape didn't sense anything was amiss until he saw a dark form outside his door. He stilled immediately, his eyes narrowing.
This was new.
No one should be there. All the students should be in their dormitories, sleeping. Any colleague needing his help would have contacted him through the floo or owled him. If his former Master had needed his presence, he would have been rolling on the floor in pain earlier that night, holding his arm in agony.
Snape sneaked closer, his boots making no sound on the floor. He could see the person now, lying on his side, facing the wall. By the clothing, he could tell it was a student.
Even though he couldn't see the person's face, Snape recognized the boy. Only one person in Hogwarts had such a messy black hair and an invisibility cloak. Only one person would be foolish enough to have the said cloak folded into a makeshift pillow instead of having it on, hiding his presence. Only one person would be foolish enough to be here in the middle of the night.
His first thought was to walk past the boy and inform Filch that their resident hero was once again breaking the rules. He had too much to do without having to take care of him right now. He discarded that thought immediately. Maybe Potter was here on official Order business. In that case, he didn't want Filch anywhere near the dungeons.
"Potter." Voice quiet, Snape addressed the sleeping form. When the boy didn't wake up, he sighed and then nudged him with his foot. "Potter! Wake up!"
There was a protesting sound, and then Harry Potter rolled onto his back, his eyes opening slightly. "Shut up, Ron. I wanna sleep for five more minutes." Then he closed his eyes again.
Snape was both annoyed and amused at being mistaken for Weasley. He nudged Potter again, his voice a bit louder this time. "Wake up, Potter. You'll catch pneumonia if you stay there." The thought was horrifying. Harry Potter in the hospital wing for a week, all the young ladies in the school worrying about him, the teachers coddling him.
"Huh?" Harry opened his eyes again, trying to process what he'd just heard. Obviously, he wasn't in his bed, because his back was starting to cramp from lying on something hard. The voice calling out his name was also familiar, and definitely not Ron's. It took
his eyes a moment to adjust to the dim light, but when they did, he sat up immediately. "Professor Snape!"
"Would you mind telling me why you're here, Potter?" Placing his palm over the snake, Snape opened the door. Feeling characteristically impatient, he stepped through the doorway. "Hurry up, then."
Harry clambered up, grabbing his cloak. He couldn't believe he'd actually fallen asleep waiting for the professor, squirming on the hard floor for minutes before using his cloak as a pillow. Whatever had
possessed him to do such a ridiculous thing? He cringed as he remembered the desperation he'd felt earlier. Of course. He'd had a bout of madness, thinking he could come and talk to Snape about his problems. Maybe he should have gone to see Madam Pomfrey for some sleeping draught. At least that way he wouldn't have made a complete arse of himself.
He followed Snape, shivering a little as the door slammed shut behind him. He felt trapped somehow. The strange calmness had disappeared completely.
Snape put the plants he'd gathered on a table and tossed his heavy outer robes onto a chair. Grimacing as he pushed his sleeves up just a bit, he grabbed a knife and began slicing the herbs. This was important. Potter could wait until he was ready.
Some of the herbs were simply cut and then left to dry. Others went into small vials to soak. He chopped unnecessary parts off and rinsed the dirt away from the few roots he'd dug up, content to do his work. Everything was going perfectly, not counting the unwelcome presence huddling next to the door.
Finally finished, he turned back to Potter and sighed, "Sit down! You look ridiculous hovering there." Without waiting for him to comply, he walked to an armchair and sat down. He yearned for a glass of whiskey, but didn't think he should indulge in front of a student. Feeling his annoyance grow at the thought, he watched Potter sit down and then waited.
The silence stretched between them. Harry was trying hard to think of an excuse of why he was here. Now that he was facing Snape, he wasn't sure of his brilliant idea anymore. The thought of Snape laughing at him seemed more certain and definitely more devastating now.
Snape waited. He knew that sooner or later Potter would open his mouth and stutter some excuses. If this had been about something urgent, the boy would have blurted it out a long time ago. He sat there in silence, trying not to feel the dampness of his left sleeve.
Why the hell wasn't Snape saying anything? Harry fidgeted on his chair. He felt even more nervous. Finally he couldn't stand the silence anymore. "I... Um. I was..." Nothing plausible came to mind.
Instead of commenting on the totally inane stammering, Snape raised an eyebrow. He suppressed an evil smile as he saw the boy blush.
"I wanted to see you." At least that was a whole sentence. The words made Harry blush even harder. He felt like an idiot. Deciding the truth couldn't possibly make this any worse, he sighed, "I was feeling low. And needed to talk to someone. So I came here."
That was definitely unexpected. Snape stared at Harry like he'd gone utterly mad. "Mr. Potter." His use of the 'mister' was as sarcastic as ever; a clear reminder of the first Order meeting a few years ago. "I suggest that the next time you have the urge to bore someone with your personal problems, you go to someone who cares." It wasn't like Potter didn't have an army of people just waiting to offer him a shoulder to cry on.
Harry wasn't sure how to feel about the harsh words. They were so like Snape; cutting and cruel. But somehow relieving. "They wouldn't understand." He knew he was now being cruel. To Ron and Hermione and all the others.
"Indeed. What makes you think I will?" Even though Snape didn't really want to get involved, this was starting to intrigue him. He had no idea why Potter would be here. They didn't know each other that well. He didn't like the boy, and let it show in the class. Even though they both worked for the Order, his missions were solitary by nature; would have been difficult to explain why he dragged anyone along to the Death Eater soirees.
"Because you know what I'm talking about." Surprisingly, Harry hadn't even thought about that before the words came out. He blinked at his own words and then added, "I think."
Snape highly doubted Potter was capable of thinking. "Let me assure you, I have no idea of what you're talking about." He did know what they'd be talking about next. Detention.
Harry let some of his weariness show on his face. "I'm talking about being tired of everything. Losing interest. Feeling lonely as hell and scared of everything." Nothing but resignation in his words.
Strange, how saying it out loud made him feel better somehow. Not good, but better.
For a moment there was a rather shocked silence. Snape stared at Harry, not believing what he'd just heard. It wasn't so much his words, but the voice. The tired voice that was so familiar to him.
The words would have been almost laughable without that wooden tone; words he'd never expected from the famous Harry Potter. Snape wanted to laugh at him and then toss him out of his rooms, but something made him realize this wasn't simply a teenage pity-trip.
He'd felt like that on occasion. Completely lost. Devastated. Had tried to work it out with the help of his best friend the first time he'd hit rock bottom, only to find himself in hell. Didn't need a memento to remind him of that time; the tattoo on his arm was a reminder enough. Joining Voldemort hadn't filled his life; neither had wallowing in self-pity. The only person he'd ever told of his pain and misery was Albus Dumbledore. He'd been stunned to realize that talking had actually helped.
Now here was Harry Potter, the golden boy, looking suddenly quite human to him. He didn't know if that was such a good thing.
"You should go to see Albus." Snape said calmly. This was no time for harshness. He could torment the boy later. "He is always ready to listen."
Harry stared at him. Then he shook his head. "I can't. The Headmaster's counting on me, and I don't want him to be disappointed." He could deal with almost anything, but not that.
Snape knew the feeling well. He also knew that Harry was wrong. Albus was never disappointed in people who were lost and lonely. "I don't..."
"Look, Snape. I can't talk to him or anyone else. Can't!" Even thinking about it made Harry sick in the stomach. "They'll all... You won't think worse of me because of what I feel. You hate me already. That's why I need you." Now all Harry needed was for the floor to swallow him up. Maybe Snape wouldn't be disappointed in him, but he'd sure see him as an idiot. A ridiculous little twerp.
Ignoring the deflated look on the boy's face, Snape squinted his eyes. He was actually impressed by the logic Harry was showing. "Let's say for one moment you're right." It surprised him that the words had come out without difficulty. "Why would I waste my time listening to you?"
The drawl was so familiar, Harry actually smiled. "From the goodness of your heart?" He cursed himself as he saw Snape's gaze burn with anger at that. "Sorry. Um... I could do some work for you. Clean cauldrons. Organize your cupboards. Do something disgusting you don't want to do yourself."
Snape was quiet for a moment, still glaring. He didn't want to show his amusement. The boy might lack brains and a sense of protecting himself, but at least he didn't lack courage. The smile that was tugging at his lips came out as a sneer. "Well, since you Gryffindors haven't been your dismal selves recently, I do have some chores one might do. You can start tomorrow after class. In detention."
"Detention?" Harry couldn't believe his ears. He'd expected a dismissal, accented with a hex or two. And at least a hundred points from Gryffindor. "But... Oh." Of course. Because of his nightly trek through the school.
"Yes. Two hours of detention for breaking the rules. Again." Others might be lenient with the boy because of the circumstances. Snape would not. He understood Potter's motives, but he could have approached him during the next few days, after class. He'd done worse in his life, but he'd always accepted the consequences of his actions. "And ten points from Gryffindor."
Harry barely kept from repeating that. He knew Snape was being easy on him. "Thank you, sir." He stood up, still not knowing what had just happened. Had Snape agreed to listen to him or had he simply punished him for his actions? "Oh, and sir? Do you mean I can..." He left it open.
Snape nodded curtly. "If you need to talk, I'll listen. But no more nightly wandering around the castle." It was clearly a threat. "If you need to talk at night, you'll contact me from your common room. Understand?"
"Yes, sir." Relief flooded through Harry. He could do that.
"Now, unless you want to bare your soul to me, I'd like to go to bed. It's quite late." The sneer was almost blurred by a yawn. Amazed by how tired he felt after all, Snape decided the herbs could wait until tomorrow. At least he didn't have to clean after the classes, so he could concentrate on his ingredients.
Harry didn't flinch at the words. He knew Snape and had never expected the man to actually be nice to him. "I'll be going then." Gathering his cloak into his arms, he turned to walk to the door.
"Not through there." Snapping the words, Snape shook his head in disappointment. The boy might listen, but he didn't get any of the words. "I don't want you wandering through the hallways with that." He glared pointedly at the cloak.
"Oh." Of course.
Snape gestured towards his fireplace with his wand. "Patefacio. The floo powder's on the mantel. Try not to drop any of it outside the fireplace." His expression clearly showed he didn't believe Harry could manage not to make a mess.
Hands shaking a little, Harry went to the small jar. He still hated flooing, but tried not to show it. At least Snape's fireplace was big enough for him to simply step in. Crouching and crawling into a fireplace was always so damn messy. He could see Snape was already up from his chair, heading to a door at the other end of the room. Not even interested in seeing if he could actually manage to get out on his own.
Harry stared at the man's back, and muttered, "Thank you, sir." He knew Snape probably couldn't hear him, and even if he did, he wouldn't care. Still, he had to say it out loud. Then he tossed the handful of floo powder down and stated, "Gryffindor common room." The next moment he disappeared.
Fingers already brushing the door handle, Snape stilled. He didn't look back, hearing the familiar sound of flooing. Only when he was certain he was alone, he glanced back over his shoulder. Yes. At least Potter had managed that all right.
He was still stunned by the way the night had turned out. Maybe this was all about the full moon. Crazy people did crazy things during the full moon. Didn't call them lunatics for nothing.
Shrugging, he walked to his bedroom. He didn't really mind Potter's request. Better to have him babble to him than to have a nervous breakdown. No matter what he thought of the boy, he was needed in the fight against Voldemort. He might be rather inept in Potions -- probably more due to his lack of concentration than to lack of brains -- but he was quite powerful. And he was needed as a symbol of hope.
At least he'd get someone to do some cleaning and labelling for him. It wasn't actually a bad trade. He could handle listening to him sometimes.
Going through his evening routines, Snape pushed Potter out of his mind, already thinking about what to do with his new Potions ingredients the next day. He slipped under the covers, turning down the light with a simple word. He'd have a lot to deal with tomorrow, classes, the freshly cut herbs and roots. Poppy would probably want more cold potions, because no matter how freezing it was, some foolish students still insisted on going outside to catch cold every day.
Amused by the thought of Sibyll Trelawney freezing her naked bum off in the chilly January air, Snape drifted off to sleep.
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-08 05:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-09 06:01 pm (UTC)*hearts Snape*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-15 08:05 pm (UTC)i liked this chapter, too. snape is pretty realistic and harry is adorably clueless (as per usual). i trek on to the next chapter!
no subject
Date: 2006-04-15 08:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 03:16 pm (UTC)So I'm not the only one who thinks that! *Cackles* I love Syb, she's utterly nuts. I've always loved interaction between her and Snape -- they're such opposites you know it would be chaos.. hilarious chaos, of course, but not in Snape's eyes.
Instead of commenting on the totally inane stammering, Snape raised an eyebrow. He suppressed an evil smile as he saw the boy blush.
Snape's such an asshole. :D
"Because you know what I'm talking about." Surprisingly, Harry hadn't even thought about that before the words came out. He blinked at his own words and then added, "I think."
..Boys! They never stop and THINK. It's so very Gryffindor of him to go diving into things without considering what the hell he's doing.
Excellent chapter. ^__^ *Offers some of her Birthday breakfast*
no subject
Date: 2006-09-21 05:49 pm (UTC)*shudders*
Yes, Snape is an asshole. But we love him like that, right? And yeah, teenage boys! They're weird.
What? No cake???
*pouts*
no subject
Date: 2008-10-22 01:48 pm (UTC)I'm intrigued...
And I love it!
Thank you :)
no subject
Date: 2008-10-22 07:07 pm (UTC)