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sua_layAuthor: Rimau Sua Lay
Rating: overall NC-17, Angst, Drama, Action/Adventure, First Time
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Snape, Ron/Draco, (Sirius/Remus)
Date: December 2002 - ?
Disclaimers: Not mine, borrowed without permission, am not making any money. Please don't sue. Sherbet Lemon?
Summary for Book Three: -Does being a good guy mean you also have to be a nice guy? Draco is about to find out. Companionable silences and fist fights are a good way to hide deeper emotions.
Warning: This part contains mild violence, explicit sex between men, confusion about sex (not non-con really!) and as you can guess, angst.
The earlier parts of the fic can be found here.
Feeling completely rested, Harry lay in bed, staring at the familiar rafters that were barely visible. He didn't know what time it was, but it was definitely not past dawn yet.
He sighed. He wasn't really tired anymore but he could have slept for longer. Feeling that he wouldn't fall back to sleep even if he spent the whole morning in bed, he reached out for his glasses. Maybe it was the time to get up and meet the new day.
Being awake this early without being woken up by nightmares was a novel concept. Harry tried to remember what he'd dreamed of, but couldn't really recall anything.
Maybe there had been no dreams, or they had been simple, benevolent. Another novel concept; nights without doubts and terrors. He could only think of a few nights here when he'd tossed and turned, lost in haunting memories or dark thoughts. Most of them weren't his usual nightmares; they'd been spent thinking about the impossibility that had now somehow become reality.
He stretched a little, smiling.
This was quickly becoming a habit, the almost obscene happiness pulling his lips into a smirk once again. He loved the feeling, even if others might find his expression annoying.
It would be best if he went downstairs. He didn't want to wake Ron, it was too early for even him to be up. The whole house was probably sleeping. Lying in bed thinking didn't sound bad, but he was feeling a bit restless.
Harry put his feet on the cold floor and padded to the chair on which he'd laid his clothes. Finishing dressing up quickly, he walked downstairs. Now that he was up, he realized he did indeed need to do something, and trying to ignore the chill, he walked out to the outhouse.
On his way back, he noticed that there was now light coming from some of the downstairs windows. He guessed Eppy was already working in the kitchen. The other bright windows meant that Snape wasn't sleeping anymore either.
Sometimes he had to wonder just exactly when did Snape sleep, for he was awake whenever Harry visited him. He wasn't surprised there had been rumors about their Potions master being a vampire ever since his first year; the evidence supporting that theory did seem impressive.
The flickering light looked inviting. Harry smiled as he reached the door and decided he wouldn't be going back upstairs.
This felt strangely like back home. Waking up early, not being able to fall asleep again and going to see Snape. It was almost absurd how he sometimes missed that, missed their shared breakfasts and the silent togetherness that was so simple when it wasn't complicated by other people.
He padded across the hall, not bothering to sneak. It didn't matter if someone heard him walk to Snape's room, even though Ron might still gawk and splutter.
Knocking softly, he muttered, "It's me." It was a silly habit, for they both knew he was the only one who would knock on Snape's door at this time, but he muttered the words out loud anyway. He waited until the familiar voice called him to enter and then pushed the door open.
"Good morning." A smile appeared on Harry's lips as he saw Snape. So this was indeed early.
Snape was sitting on his rumpled bed, half way through pulling his socks on. He hadn't changed from his night robe yet.
For some reason it made Harry hesitate at the doorway. "Sorry. Do you want me to come back later?" He didn't know where to look at, his gaze finally focusing on Snape's socks. They were an interesting shade of green. Very nice. He was not going to look at anything else.
Snorting, Snape finished with his left sock. "I see no reason why you can not stay here now." The tone suggested that he could find some if Harry continued to act foolishly.
Harry shut the door behind him. He didn't want to argue with Snape right now. Not with words, definitely not with a silence. There'd been enough of that with Ron last night, the unsaid things almost suffocating him.
It was no wonder he hadn't been able to sleep all that well.
He walked across the room, sitting down on Snape's bed. It was so familiar to him, he didn't even have to think about his actions.
The bed was nice and comfortable, wider and softer than the one upstairs. Harry sprawled on it, stretching his arms high above his head. "I think it's going to be a nice day." It didn't seem like it was going to rain, even though you never really knew out here.
"Good." Snape got to his feet and removed his night robe. He folded it and pushed it under his pillow, not even looking at Harry. "We have a lot to do today."
Harry couldn't process the words, his mind completely frozen at the sight. He still couldn't comprehend just how could Snape do this so casually, like his naked skin meant nothing. Padding around his room wearing just socks and a pair of underwear, he looked just as forbidding as he did when he was covered in black cloth from neck down.
He watched as Snape went to the shelves and grabbed a bottle, knowing he should probably avert his gaze as he recognized the deep green salve.
"Uh... Yes. A lot to do." Wondering if he was feeling sluggish because of the early hour, or because Snape was slowly rubbing his forearm, Harry managed to choke the words out.
It was hypnothic; Snape's fingers glistening from the thick potion, the circular movement on his skin. Harry couldn't help staring. He was still not used to seeing this. The near nakedness was strange enough, but somehow he felt this was even more intimate than that.
Considering the glare Snape cast over his shoulder, he thought so too.
Harry turned his attention away without words. Even if Snape allowed him to comment, he didn't know what to say. It was clear that Snape wanted to discuss about the Dark Mark just as much as he wanted to talk about his famous scar.
He listened to Snape put the bottle down and then walk around the room. It was enough to just be here, the atmosphere so peaceful and quiet and calm... The very loud grumble of his stomach brought Harry back from his musings. He couldn't believe his stomach could make such a loud noise!
Of course he hadn't eaten that well last evening. No wonder with Ron staring at Snape as if he was something disgusting Hagrid had brought to the class again. Harry had definitely not been hungry.
"Considering your appetite these days, I would have thought you'd wait until the breakfast is over." There was no censore in Snape's voice but he did cast a sharp look at Harry.
Wait till what? Harry looked at him questioningly, taking in the way Snape had still not put any clothes on. Seeing him like this always made his mind sluggish. "Huh?" He wasn't even embarrassed by the sound anymore.
Snape didn't say anything, he simply stared.
It still took a moment for it to dawn.
Shaking his head, Harry said, "I'm not here for... that." It felt a bit silly to sprawl on the still rumpled bed and say it, especially after ogling at the man. But it was the truth. "Just came over before breakfast."
The glare was definitely disbelieving. "Indeed."
Harry didn't know whether to be angry or sad about it. The churning emotions were both as strong, battling over control. "You really think I come to see you just because I want to shag you?" The anger won the first round, followed by, "It's not something you have to do. If you want to spend the day alone or don't feel like it, say so."
The last thing he wanted was this to be some kind of a duty. He dreaded it, knowing that Snape would probably do anything for the Order, and that would include sharing the bed with him. They had talked about that and he'd thought Snape had understood him when he said it was the last thing he wanted.
He had understood it, hadn't he?
The thought made him slightly nauseous. "You do know that, don't you?"
"Again with the high drama, Potter?" Amusement tingling all over him, Snape pulled on a shirt and trousers before grabbing a brush. He deliberately turned his back on Harry, gaze focusing on his reflection on the mirror. "I believe we've already discussed this once."
He was not about to have that conversation again.
Harry laughed. It was strangely freeing to let out the happy sound. "Sorry. Didn't mean to go all emotional on you again." He knew how uncomfortable that made Snape. "Will try not to do that again for a while."
"I'll be surprised if you manage that for more than an hour." Finishing with the brushing, Snape finally turned around. "All right, if you are not here for sex, get up so I can make the bed."
Seeing Snape glare, his shirt hanging open made Harry reconsider briefly. Then he hopped out of the bed. Changing his mind about shagging would look silly right now. Maybe later.
He swallowed as Snape strode closer to the bed. No. Definitely later.
They tidied the bed together, straightening the covers properly and then laying the duvet in its place. Harry liked the quiet work. He also liked sprawling on the quilt after the work was done, watching Snape finish with his dressing with some regret.
"I need to go through some things before breakfast," Snape said. He didn't bother to explain, simply motioning towards his shelves.
Even though Harry was hungry, he didn't want to go yet. "Okay. I'll wait." The bed was soft and comfortable. Lying here was better than going for breakfast with Malfoy's smirk and Ron's glares as his only companions.
He didn't wait for there to be an answer, so he wasn't disappointed when Snape went to work without words.
Breathing deeply, Harry lay back down, head tilted to the side. He liked watching Snape browse through the shelves, organize the jars and glare at the ingredients. It was such a familiar sight.
He noticed how fully Snape was concentrating on the jars, not bothered by his blatant staring. Somehow it warmed him more than anything.
A silly thought, reminding him of his earliest crushes. The giggly, bubbly feeling growing somewhere in his belly, almost like the coils of desire but still different, more overwhelming. After his first short relationships, the feeling had disappeared somewhere, replaced by the hunger. He'd missed it.
Watching Snape brought it back now. If he was completely honest with himself, he'd admit that it had been back for some time now. It had been hiding underneath other things ever since they'd come here. Maybe even longer. He couldn't say.
He liked the feeling; anticipation mixed with the pleasant buzz of contentment. Not so much a jittery sensation as it had been earlier, but peaceful somehow.
There was a word he'd never had thought to connect with Snape and being with him. But it had been like that almost from the beginning. In the quiet and comfortable rooms in Hogwarts, filled with silence, he'd felt completely at home. Not even the brief stays at the Burrow felt like that. There he was always reminded of what he didn't have. With Snape, he didn't have to think about that.
He didn't need anything more. He already had what he wanted. The sex was great, but this was great as well.
How amusing that after all those months of clinging onto the belief that true companionship should hold more than just sex and then giving up on the notion, he would now find it with this man. Someone who was about as romantic as a toad and probably even less inclined to contemplate such things.
He let out a soft chuckle at that. Neville would definitely object his thoughts. That lead to thinking about Neville's face if he ever found out that he was with Snape, and he had to bite his lip so that the insane laughter didn't escape.
"I see the lack of food is affecting you again," Snape said as he realized Harry was shaking with laughter. He didn't want to know what it was all about.
Harry nodded, still grinning. "I know. Let's go and have some breakfast."
Since he was finished with his inventory anyway, Snape agreed. Eppy would have everything ready by now.
Breakfast was almost a garish contrast to the time they'd spent in Snape's room. It was like a continuation of the previous evening, with the awkward silence and the furtive looks. Harry forced himself to eat his sandwich even though the oppressive mood managed to drive all his appetite away.
Harry could see the slightly disgusted expression on Ron's face. He pretended he hadn't noticed, and a moment later it morphed into a strained smile. Looking up, he met the worried blue gaze calmly. Yes, Ron was irritating the hell out of him, but he couldn't really blame him.
He didn't want to be angry at Ron, especially when all he was doing was taking care of him. In a very annoying way, but still.
Sometimes he hated the way the attention was almost suffocating, but he was glad his friend cared enough to worry about him. It was a form of love he could never really hate.
Finishing his breakfast with a relieved sigh, Harry wondered what they would do today. Spending the whole day inside didn't sound at all tempting. He was torn between the desire to go back to Snape's, to watch him work and just be and the need to at least try to make things normal with Ron.
Fortunately, he didn't have to choose.
Snape let out a slight cough. "Am I reaching too far with my optimism if I trust you three to manage here on your own for a couple of hours?"
Even with the warning sound before the question, Ron almost choked in his tea anyway. He lowered his cup down, not looking at Harry.
Acting as if he hadn't noticed the spluttering, Snape added, "Since it's not raining, I am going to harvest some ingredients. You will try to keep out of trouble as I'm outside." This time it was definitely not a question.
"You're going out?" Ignoring Malfoy's quietly muttered affirmation to Snape's words, Harry stared at him.
Snape refused to even answer that. He was not going to repeat himself as if he was talking to imbecils, even though he was fairly certain that it would indeed be necessary. He cast a withering stare at Harry.
"I'm coming with you then." There would be no question about it. Harry was not going to let him go off alone.
Ron blinked. He'd been trying not to stare at anyone, but now he couldn't help gawking. Did Harry really intend to go out with Snape? That was disturbing, even disgusting and it would also mean that he was going to stay at the cottage alone with the git. No way in hell! "Yeah. Me too." He glared at Malfoy.
Snape looked from Weasley to Malfoy, knowing well what that was about. Leaving those two alone here would be a disaster. Leaving Malfoy here alone was not possible either. He was responsible for him, and even though he didn't think anyone would get past the wards, he was not going to risk it.
For a moment he wondered if he could make Harry stay behind with Weasley. The obvious tension between them made it clear that it would be a bad idea. Of course Harry would probably follow him anyway, the stubborn, overprotective idiot!
"Then we shall all go," he said calmly.
To his surprise, there were no protests.
Draco was almost shivering with anticipation, a fact that would have irritated him immensely if he weren't so happy. Stepping out of the cottage, he took a deep breath, enjoying the fresh air. It had been days since he'd been outside, not counting the all too brief trips to the revolting outhouse.
He didn't even mind Weasley and Potter trailing after Snape with him. They were all walking in silence. It was refreshing, making this feel less like a deranged field trip.
The silence was broken later on by Snape's voice cataloguing things he needed. Without any comments, the three youngsters went to gather the various plants. Draco realized that he liked this better than the greenhouses at Hogwarts. There was actually room to move around here.
Harvesting was definitely more fun than sitting inside all day.
He didn't even mind when his shoes got dirty or when one of the branches slapped against his cheek, leaving it stinging. It was just so good to be out here. Concentrating on the quiet instructions coming from Snape, Draco tried very hard not to think about the things he would have done if he was back at Hogwarts. Especially Quidditch.
Shaking his head at his foolish thoughts, he bent down to pick up a few roots. He wasn't going to ruin this relatively good moment by being maudlin.
At least it looked like it wasn't going to rain any time soon. That was a blessing.
Ron didn't seem interested in the plants. He walked behind the rest of them, hands shoved deep into his pockets. A few times he moved his leg as if to kick something, but the memory of a bite stilled his movements at the last moment.
This was weird, and not in a good way. Sure, the sun was shining and the birds were making an awful ruckus and there were no giant spiders -- he hoped -- or centaurs around. But it was eerie to watch the silent way everyone seemed to be so damn comfortable with this. Just when had Harry started to look so damn happy about collecting potions ingredients?
It wasn't something Ron was going to ask about. He was certain he wouldn't like the answer.
He wanted to be a good friend, but this was something he wasn't able to deal with. Not yet, probably not ever. Maybe it really was best to try to ignore the whole thing for as long as they were here, especially since it didn't look like Snape was really hurting Harry.
But when they got back home, he was definitely going to do something about the whole thing! Maybe Hermione would know how to deal with it. Her plans were usually excellent.
Ron was glad he'd finally been able to make a clear decision about the whole thing. It enabled him to hold his tongue even as Harry smiled like a loon and Malfoy raised a mocking eyebrow at him. No. He was not going to say anything.
It was still relatively early as they returned to the cottage carrying armfuls of plants and roots and even a few eggs Harry had stumbled onto.
Looking around in the living room, Snape set the ingredients down on a table and said, "I believe it's best if we leave these here." His bedroom was definitely too small for all of this. Maybe he should simply brew most of the things here.
Not even waiting for a reply from anyone, he went to get a set of knives, a cutting board and cauldrons.
When he came back, he noticed that the teenagers had managed not to destroy anything while he'd been gone. Considering the way they'd sometimes behaved in his classroom, that was indeed a miracle. Nodding his dismissal, he went to stroke the fire. He had a lot to do, and hopefully the youngsters wouldn't do anything stupid while he worked.
It was probably too much to ask, but after the very successfull harvesting, he at least knew that a few hours of peace between those three was possible.
"Is there something I can help with?"
Snape didn't think for a moment that Draco Malfoy's offer was altruistic. Maybe the boy thought it was a good way to show his allegiance or maybe he was bored of doing nothing. No matter the incentive, his assistance would be acceptable.
"Yes. Go and wash your hands first." Aside from Granger, who was undoubtedly the smartest student Snape had had for over a decade, Malfoy had the most knowledge about Potions. He was also passionate about his work, finding true magic in the brewing. That was the quality of a true master.
"Can I help as well?" Harry asked, already knowing that there wouldn't be much for him to do here. He didn't want to spend time with Ron right now, and thought that Malfoy would just snicker at him -- not out loud so that Snape would notice but he'd snicker nevertheless -- if he just sat here and watched.
Raising an eyebrow, Snape cast an incredulous glance at him before saying, "It's probably best if you don't come anywhere near the ingredients, Potter. I suggest you get the broom and sweep the floor. And get us some water."
The very familiar words made Harry smile, but he noticed how angry Ron looked. He walked to his friend, muttering, "That was a joke, Ron." He knew perfectly well that he was lousy at potions.
"I'm not laughing."
With that, Ron turned around and stomped upstairs.
Harry let out a suffering sigh, squeezing his hands into fists. This was going to take much longer than he'd thought.
A part of him wanted to go after Ron and try to explain to him what the words had been about, but he didn't move from where he was standing. Nothing could really make Ron understand what was going on between Snape and him, of that he was certain. He couldn't put it into words for himself, so how on earth could he explain it all to someone else?
Definitely not looking at Malfoy, he sighed again and went to look for the broom. As an afterthought he grabbed a bowl as well. Snape had said something about getting them water.
The fire was burning merrily in the fireplace, heating the room. Before beginning with the ingredients, Snape went to open the windows, allowing a gentle breeze inside.
He wanted to brew potions, not have anyone collapse from heat stroke.
Weasley had already disappeared upstairs. That wasn't exactly a surprise. Snape was certain he would never brew another potion in his life if he didn't have to.
Some people simply weren't up to it.
Working in silence with Malfoy -- who was very good at preparing the plants -- and Harry -- who was excellent at carrying things around -- was not completely unpleasant. Snape noticed how there was a minimal amount of tension between those two.
He wondered if they would manage to push aside their old enmity and actually work together. It was worth exploring.
The thought reminded him of how they'd planned to talk about the war. Very soon, they would be returning to Hogwarts, and if they continued to act like idiot teenagers, they would be in grave danger.
Snape knew they would have to discuss it sooner or later, no matter how Harry might prefer not to. He couldn't let the physical intimacy cloud his judgement now. It was time they were all reminded of the fact that this quiet and peaceful way of living was nothing but an interlude in a very harsh life.
Working with the potions was simple, even easy with Malfoy assisting him. They didn't really talk, simply concentrated on the bubbling cauldron, the swift movement of the knife and the soothing sound of the broom brushing against the floor.
Snape let his mind wander. He didn't dwell too long on the past few days, finding such contemplations unnecessary. As long as Harry didn't do anything utterly stupid, he could handle the situation.
He was more concerned about the future, the war that was waiting for them back home. He knew that it would be a long, harsh war with casualties on both sides. People would have to make tough decisions, most of all Harry and young Malfoy. With almost everyone else, the roles were already written and accepted. Weasley and Granger would never even imagine joining Voldemort. Most of his Slytherins would have no other option.
It managed to irk him even now that he knew there was nothing he could do about it.
There had been some who might have turned sides if he'd had the chance to really talk to them. Most of those with mixed background definitely, maybe even some of the purebloods. There were many things that people in their world didn't know about the Death Eaters and their Lord, and at least some of those things would come as a complete shock to those following traditions.
It was such a waste, just like the war would be. He would have to make sure at least these two young men would be prepared for it.
After everything he'd witnessed, he had no doubts that Harry would manage. With the stubborness and all the Gryffindor traits he was a perfect hero for their imperfect world.
He didn't know about the rest of them. The Order would have a lot to do before this was all over, even if they all depended on their great hero. Maybe if the Ministry finally committed itself to this war, things would be easier for all of them. Snape wasn't going to hold his breath. He knew all too well how the bureucracy worked and wasn't willing to count on the Ministry or the man leading it.
Too bad, considering that with a force like the Aurors, they might actually have a chance on defeating the Dark Lord and his people for good.
He was pulled out of his thoughts by a soft touch on his arm. Blinking, he realized he'd finished with the bottling and was now staring straight into the distance.
"Are you all right?" Harry asked. He'd noticed the angry expression on Snape and didn't know what had brought it.
Shrugging the concern off, Snape said, "I'm perfectly fine, Potter. Now put the broom away and help me carry this back into my room."
He gathered the bottles and nodded at Malfoy who was already putting away rest of the ingredients. At least he could depend on him not to spoil the rest of the plants. There was still a lot to do before noon.
