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sua_layAuthor: Rimau Sua Lay
Rating: overall NC-17, Angst, Drama, Action/Adventure, First Time
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Snape, Ron/Draco, (Sirius/Remus)
Date: December 2002 - ?
Disclaimers: Not mine, borrowed without permission, am not making any money. Please don't sue. Sherbet Lemon?
Summary for Book Two: -Voldemort has a plan. To make it work, he needs his most loyal Death Eaters and their progeny. After a vicious attack, two Slytherins must decide if blood is thicker than potions.
The seventh year dormitory was never really quiet at night.
There were sounds of bedsheets rustling, people tossing and turning. Neville usually spoke softly in his sleep during the early hours of the new day. Then he would also fall into breathing evenly.
Ron lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep, no matter how tired he felt.
It was actually weird, since the day had been long. There had been no classes. No studying. Only wandering around the castle during the morning, trying to figure out where everyone was. No, where Harry was. He'd been accompanied by Hermione and Snuffles, but even with the dog's good sense of smell, they hadn't been able to locate him.
Maybe they hadn't looked in the right place. Ron didn't know. But he sure as hell had been stunned to see Harry walk into Dumbledore's office two seconds ahead of Snape.
He sighed.
Damn the Slytherins. He was beginning to think they were all going out of their mind. First with all the silence during lunch, most Slytherins looking like they hadn't slept all night. Malfoy keeping his gaze at the door as if he was waiting for something. Goyle looking like he was sleepwalking.
Of course now he knew the explanation for that. It made his stomach clench. He'd never liked the ape-like boy, but still... He'd lost his dad.
Ron didn't even want to imagine how he'd feel if something happened to his own dad.
Things got definitely worse after lunch, when the Order met. There had been some faces he hadn't seen before. Seeing Lupin and Sirius there had been great. He'd always known they had something to do with the Order even though they never attended the meetings.
Having Snape walk in there had been a shock. Apocalyptic, even. Like Trelawney making sense, or Hagrid managing to bake edible cookies.
Snape was definitely not a good guy. He was a nasty old Potions master. A greasy git, whose only joy in life was to make his life miserable. A stupid, pig headed creep. With no redeeming qualities. None whatsoever. He was a bastard.
Except that he had done something no one else had even tried. And Dumbledore had said he had been on their side for years.
And for some unimaginable reason, Harry seemed all right with that.
It had hurt. Even more than when he'd thought Harry was really going for the fame and glory and the money at the Triwizard tournament. There were things his best friend in the whole world had been keeping secrets from him, and he had no idea how to react to that except with a gut feeling of pain and anger.
Shame.
That was the worst feeling. Because all the things he could now see were huge. Enormous. Harry knowing stuff, hiding them from him and Hermione. Probably for a reason, because he was told to. Keeping it all inside for who knew how many years.
He had never seen it. Had never thought about it, had shrugged off the way Harry would sometimes get really quiet. He'd even ignored all the disappearances lately.
What if Harry had been doing stuff on his own? Gone on missions alone, without anyone to back him up.
Ron slammed his fist against his mattress. Damn it! He just didn't know. Didn't know how to ask Harry about any of this. He felt like an idiot trying to make things right now that he'd been banged on the head with some heavy truths.
It was like he was saying he didn't trust Harry. Like his word wasn't enough.
"Could you please brood a little quieter." A soft voice came from the bed next to his. "Some of us are actually trying to sleep here."
Jolting up, Ron stared at the figure sitting on the edge of the other bed. "Um... Sorry, Harry." The words caused him to grin involuntarily. It was just like old times.
To his utter amazement, Harry smiled back.
They sat there staring at each other for a moment. Both uncertain what to say next. Then Harry got to his feet, and padded softly to Ron's bed. "Move over." Gesturing to his friend to make way, he sat down next to him.
Ron scrambled to the other side of the bed. It was a familiar thing from years past. Ever since they'd started really noticing girls, they had sometimes spent hours like this, lying on a bed, babbling. Mostly about girls. Quidditch. Very rarely about school.
As an echo of those nights, Harry muttered softly a silencing charm, muffling their words so that none of the other boys could hear them. Then he lay down, his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling.
"So... I was thinking maybe groveling. Or at least begging. For forgiveness, you know. Something with style." Hiding his fear behind flippant words, Ron kept his gaze on the ceiling as well, not wanting to see how his best friend would react to what was essentially an apology.
Harry was quiet for a moment. Then he said, "I was actually thinking along the same lines."
"Huh?"
"If I should apologize. For everything." For being himself. For being forced to act like an adult and shield his friends from all the ugly truths.
Rolling on his side, Ron gawked at Harry. "Are you serious?" He could see the rueful smile on his friend's face. "You're serious."
A nod. Yes, Harry really was serious. It didn't matter that Ron had reacted badly to his harsh words. It didn't really matter that he'd had to keep secrets. He just didn't want things to get any worse. Needed his friend now.
"I'm being serious too. I was an arse." Ron smiled at that. He could do honest. "So are we cool?"
"Yeah. We're cool." Smile widening, Harry nodded. He should have known Ron would be eager to grasp the offered truce. He was feeling relieved too.
Ron wasn't at all surprised by the fuzzy feeling sweeping over him. He'd been so damn angry at first, when no one had seemed to understand him. Then he'd been scared as hell, certain everything was ruined now.
There were still things he was worried about. Things that he was angry about. He had no doubt that he would yell at Harry when they discussed Order things, especially if he tried to sprout some of that cynical stuff again. The important thing was that they were talking now. No more silence.
"So... You wanna talk about it?" He didn't know how to specify what he meant by 'it'. Order business. McGonagall. Snape. Anything and everything Harry might want to tell him was just fine.
Harry wanted to. Not about everything, but maybe the smaller issues. But it was too early for that. "Nah. Maybe later." If they both survived the war, he'd buy Ron a drink at the Three Broomsticks or at the Leaky Cauldron, and they'd talk. He would tell about all the decisions he'd had to make during the years. Things Ron had never heard of. But not now.
This was the time to enjoy the silence and the friendship they had.
"Okay." Not wanting to push, Ron nodded. It was enough to just be here and not think about all the nasty stuff that had been going on in their lives for so long.
After a moment of silence, Harry asked, "You mind if I stay here?" It wasn't usually something he had to ask. There had been so many nights during which he'd simply fallen asleep next to his friend.
"No. You can stay." A yawn blurred Ron's answer. He was feeling warm and relaxed now. Sleepy. Having Harry right there was like being home again with his brothers, and he never minded the company.
"Thanks."
It was good to be talking with Ron again. Harry smiled. Even though with Ron, it was usually not talking. Just hanging around. Being comfortable with the non talking, playing chess or reading Quidditch magazines.
Friendship. Somehow reminding him of Sirius. They shared the same kind of relationship, even if it had some aspects that took it beyond simple friendship. That made Harry's smile widen. What a foolish idea. He and Ron had passed 'simple' years ago. He was as much family as Sirius was.
Harry was quite comfortable with the concept now, but it hadn't always been like that. Family had been a dream. A fantasy only heightened by the nonexistant warmth between him and his relatives.
Now there was Sirius; his godfather who loved him. With him came also Remus Lupin, for those two were inseparable. Harry didn't mind at all. He liked his former professor.
He'd thought a lot about the future lately. At the end of the school year, he had a choice to make. Dumbledore had hinted he could stay at Hogwarts, maybe in some official capacity. Teaching or coaching Quidditch. Or he could stay in Hogsmeade, preparing Order forces for the war.
Sirius had asked him to come live with him and Remus. That had been a pleasurable shock. It had proven Harry that he did indeed have a place to go. People who cared about him.
Ron would no doubt slug him if he heard his thoughts. A sideways glance told Harry that his friend was already dozing off. Good. He needed the sleep. They had classes tomorrow; the dreaded doubles, both in Divinations and Potions.
It wasn't like he didn't count the Weasleys as family. He loved Mrs. Weasley very much, but she had enough work with her own children. Knowing he was selfish as hell, Harry had to admit that he liked the fact that he didn't have to share Sirius with seven other kids. Eight if you counted Percy's wife.
Harry was glad he had options. He was tempted to go to live with his godfather, though he knew it would probably be wiser to stay close to Hogwarts. The Order needed him, and he needed the security his old school could provide. It would be important to him to be able to visit Dumbledore often. The wizarding world might depend on him in the battles, but he knew it was Dumbledore who guided the Order.
It meant he would have to come back here every week. Maybe even more often. To meetings with the Order.
In the relative silence of the dormitory, Harry admitted to himself he would probably come back here for another reason as well. How amazing that a couple of months had changed his mind like this. Snape's words were still echoing in his mind. No, they weren't really what could be called friends.
He knew it was far more complicated than that. But there was no use to label it. Not really. Because it didn't matter what he called it. It didn't change anything.
Life was strange. He'd never thought he'd come to understand Snape the way he did now. Or like him. Even respect him. A couple of years ago he would have laughed at such insane thoughts. Now they were making sense.
Frightening.
In Dumbledore's office, Harry had seen how uncomfortable Snape had been with all the attention. He knew that he was a very private man, but it had still surprised him a bit. Because of that, he'd stayed away from the dungeons that day. Had given Snape all the privacy he needed.
He was sure it had been the right choice, even though he wondered how Snape was faring. The stubborn man was probably not resting. Working with his potions again. Immersing himself in his work like he always seemed to do when he didn't want to think about something.
Like killing people.
Harry closed his eyes, shifting his position a little. He couldn't even begin to know how hard it had been for Snape to kill someone like that. Someone's father. Goyle's father. Remembering the flicker of pain he'd seen in the man's eyes before it had been replaced by anger outside the Slytherin common room, he wondered how Snape had managed to have the strength to go and tell Goyle about what had happened.
It was so like Snape. Duty was so obviously important to him. Why else would he suffer through Harry's ramblings? Harry smiled at that. Certainly not from the goodness of his heart.
Even thought there was that too. Maybe not goodness but definitely not just darkness. He wasn't as nasty as Harry had always thought. Wasn't the ogre people most often saw.
Snape was... Snape. Harry wondered why the name didn't make him raw and angry anymore. Probably because he saw beyond professor Snape, into the man. The human part of someone who had never seemed to be at all humane. It was strange, that he couldn't really hate the man, even in the Potions classroom.
Had to be because he liked Snape.
It was weird to think about Snape as a person. Not a whatever-nasty-he-could-think-Potions-master, but as a regular guy. Or as regular as someone like Snape got.
Even with the short temper and the obvious pleasure he took in terrifying whomever he labeled as an idiot, Snape had always seemed larger than life somehow. That had changed. He was just a man.
Harry was comfortable with that. Yep. He could still remember how Snape had trembled as he'd helped Dumbledore guide him to the infirmary. How he'd sagged against him later in his dungeons. How the man had curled on his bed, like any other person, and sighed when he'd pulled the blanket over his body.
Hearing Ron start to snore quietly, he shook his head. Here he was, lying in bed with Ron, thinking about Snape in bed. This was definitely too weird, even for him.
Since Ron's bed was awfully soft, and the few steps to his own bed seemed suddenly too hard to take, Harry squirmed to get a better position, and then dozed off.
He dreamed of Quidditch, soaring after the Snitch on his Firebolt as the sun shone brightly from above.
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no subject
Date: 2006-05-17 03:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-17 11:16 am (UTC)Good to hear the slow pace isn't totally irritating. It just made more sense if the boys actually got to know each other before... er... knowing each other in the slashy sense. Harry may not freak out about seeing Snape as a person, but just wait until Snape realizes the same.
Heh, Ron is a total prat, but they will stay friends. I've always found it annoying to read about good friends who just dump each other for some stupid excuse.
:)