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sua_layAuthor: Rimau Sua Lay
Rating: overall NC-17, Angst, Drama, Action/Adventure, First Time
Fandom: Harry Potter
Pairings: Harry/Snape, Ron/Draco, (Sirius/Remus)
Date: December 2002 - ?
Disclaimers: Not mine, borrowed without permission, am not making any money. Please don't sue. Sherbet Lemon?
Summary for Book Two: -Voldemort has a plan. To make it work, he needs his most loyal Death Eaters and their progeny. After a vicious attack, two Slytherins must decide if blood is thicker than potions.
Harry had never thought he'd come to hate any part of Hogwarts. The castle was the only real home he'd ever known, and there was no place there he absolutely loathed.
He didn't even hate the Chamber of Secrets. It gave him the creeps and was really disgusting, but he didn't have any feelings towards it as a place. As long as he didn't have to go there ever again, he was completely okay with its existence.
The Great Hall on the other hand was becoming a place he couldn't stand.
It had always been the heart of Hogwarts; a warm place where everyone was welcome. Now it had become a prison of sorts. A place from which Harry couldn't really escape.
Not that he really wanted to. He hated it still. Because no matter how hard he tried to, he couldn't stay away for long. Needed to be there in case something happened.
This was a rare moment of peace. Everyone else was in the Great Hall, and he had the dormitory all to himself.
"What's with the sad face?" Voice gentle, Sirius sat next to his godson. He'd arrived with Remus late last evening, and had spent the night as Snuffles in the seventh year dormitory. He still wasn't aware of everything that was happening here, but could sense a huge amount of tension. Even in his human form.
Harry looked up and tried to smile a little. He wondered what Sirius would say if he told him the truth; that he wasn't only worried about professor McGonagall, but about Snape as well. That he hated staying in the dormitory no matter how awful it was to sit at the table in the Great Hall, trying not to watch the door all the time.
"Just thinking... About stuff." It was easier to shrug the question off and let his godfather draw his own conclusions than to explain. "Nothing serious."
Sirius nodded, letting the white lie slip by. He knew what Harry must feel like now. After all, it was the way every single Gryffindor was feeling, him and Remus included.
They had all hated the Head of their House at some point. Also loved her. Respected her a lot, no matter what they called the old bat. Having her in Voldemort's clutches was making everyone mad.
Only Dumbledore's quiet words about protecting Harry had kept Sirius from rushing into danger.
It had been a frustrating day. Harry had spent most of it in the Great Hall, fidgeting. There had been an awful silence between him and Ron, both glaring at each other from time to time. He hated the way things were turning out. Nothing was clear right now, not even if the kidnapping of McGonagall had truly been the first act of the open war everyone had been waiting for.
Harry leaned against Sirius, wishing he had someone to talk to. Being held close was a very good substitute though. Especially now that he could be openly sad, and didn't have to think about worrying anyone.
Sadness wasn't the only emotion churning inside of him. He was also scared. This might well be the time he had to be strong. The dawn of the battles. And he felt lost.
Apparently that was common these days. Even Dumbledore seemed almost unaware of his surroundings as he sat in his usual place in the middle of the Head Table, careful not to look at the empty place on his right.
Harry didn't know what to do. If things didn't change, hysteria would spread throughout the school like a fire. People would need someone to guide them. He certainly didn't want to be the one to guide anyone. Not now.
The only problem was that people would undoubtedly look to him for guidance.
He decided not to think about that and leaned closer to Sirius. The warm embrace felt so good.
There was a soft knock on the door and a moment later Remus Lupin peeked into the room. He smiled at the sight that greeted him, ignoring the way the huge black dog growled at him. "Sorry about that." He sneaked inside and closed the door behind him. "I just came from Dumbledore. He said we should go to his quarters after dinner. Another meeting."
"Oh." Easing away the scowl, Sirius sat back on the bed next to Harry. "He wants us all there? Openly?"
People had looked stunned at the return of professor Lupin. His presence had not been explained. Neither had been the black dog accompanying him everywhere.
Remus nodded slightly. "I believe he thinks it's time for us to show ourselves. We can't afford to wait for Severus to come back before making our plans."
He gained another scowl at the use of that name, but fortunately Sirius didn't say anything.
"So it's after dinner then?" Harry was proud of the way his voice stayed firm. How on earth was he supposed to suffer through yet another meal in the Great Hall? It would be torture; trying not to stare at Dumbledore or Ron or the door all the time.
"Yes," Remus said.
Harry nodded at that. He felt Sirius lean against him again and was glad of the support.
He'd left the Great Hall a little after lunch. It had been hard, but staying would have been impossible. The crowd had started to make him nuts, not to mention the depressive mood at the Gryffindor table.
No one had said anything as he'd wandered through the halls, walking slowly towards the Gryffindor tower. For a moment, he'd thought about hiding in the dungeons, but even thinking about going there to sit outside the empty rooms made him feel sick.
It was no good hiding down there if he had to do it alone.
Harry had tried to work on his assignments once he'd reached the dormitory, but somehow he simply couldn't concentrate on anything important. He'd thought of writing a paper for the next day's Divinations class -- if there would indeed be any classes held on Monday -- but had decided against it.
Writing about doom and destruction would have been wallowing. He couldn't afford any of that right now.
Academics didn't really matter. If anything, he could always tell Trelawney that Snuffles had eaten his homework. The Divinations professor had been suitably impressed seeing the dog, muttering something about a Grim. She would undoubtedly see any action by him as an omen.
The thought brought a genuine smile to Harry's lips. He'd been happy to see Sirius. His godfather had sneaked into his rooms before he'd started to think really gloomy thoughts, and had managed to keep him entertained for hours. Nothing major; they had played some cards and Sirius had talked about his life with Remus, trying to gloss over certain details Harry already suspected.
It had been peaceful, even though neither of them was famous for being patient. Both ached to do something.
Harry had been glad for the distraction. Without Sirius here, he would have been a nervous wreck. This way, he would probably be able to stay relatively calm during the dinner. He didn't know about the Order meeting.
He would have to wait and see.
The hallways were deserted as Harry and Remus walked towards the Great Hall. Snuffles padded behind them, his tail between his legs. The atmosphere in the whole school was oppressing even with no one at sight. Everyone was probably already at dinner.
Most of the students were literally living in the huge room, comforted by the crowd. It was probably safe to say the students had never studied as hard as they had for the past two days. Some played wizard's chess; most just sat there, reading a text book.
Remus and Snuffles stayed at the other end of the room with some other Order members. None of them wanted to sit at the Head Table.
With a parting glance, Harry walked to his usual place at the Gryffindor table. He smiled wanly at the big pile of books next to Hermione's chair. She had probably read them all. At least once. He tried to meet Ron's gaze, but his friend kept staring at his empty plate.
It was probably for the best. Harry was too tired to fight anyway. He hadn't slept well, strange dreams flinching him up every few hours. In the end, he'd spent the rest of the night sitting by the window.
Hoping his scar wouldn't start to burn.
Food appeared, and the sound of utensils clinking against porceline filled the room. Eating was a simple pleasure, keeping the body happy even as the mind was full of fear.
Hermione looked up from her plate, her gaze moving first to Ron, then to Harry. "Did you hear there'll be a meeting later on today?"
"Yeah." A simple word after which Ron continued eating.
"Yes, Remus told me," Harry said. He was glad Hermione had asked. The silence was getting on his nerves. "Dumbledore asked him and Snuffles there as well."
That made Hermione shiver. It meant things were getting serious, for she had never seen those two attend to a meeting before. "Good. I mean, we should be prepared for anything." A safe, rather neutral way to say they were screwed.
"I guess that's the plan." Harry's words were calm and quiet as well, not reflecting any of his inner turmoil. He cut through a piece of fish and shoved it into his mouth, the chewing a good way to hide the fact that he had nothing more to say.
All three of them ate in silence.
Harry was the first to lower his fork. He wasn't hungry anyway. Everything tasted like sawdust in his mouth. He should know; the taste had woken him up many times in the past, when Dudley had jumped on the stairs, sending sawdust flying down on his face from the ceiling of the small cupboard.
People around him were busy eating. He could see the vacant look on Neville as he shoved more food into his mouth. The same expression was on many other Gryffindors.
That thought made him glance at the Slytherin table. Most of the looks there were bored. A certain few even seemingly jubilant. He didn't look at the most annoying person there. Didn't want to chance losing his temper over the infuriating smirk that would certainly be on Malfoy's face.
Out of habit, Harry turned his attention to the Head Table. The vacant seat at the end of it was a painful reminder of his life being thrown upside down again. Just as he'd found some peace, it had been yanked away. It seemed to be the story of his life, this disappointment as bitter as all the rest of them.
Something had changed. He could almost sense it in the air. Shivering slightly, he looked at Dumbledore, meeting his clear blue gaze.
The Headmaster was sitting straight. There was pain and anger in his eyes, replacing the awful vacancy. He nodded slightly at Harry.
Harry nodded right back. He felt a strange mixture of pain and relief. This meant he wouldn't have to take responsibility for everything. Dumbledore was pushing his personal feelings away, concentrating on keeping his people safe.
After a long moment, he turned his attention back to his plate. Yes. He was finished here. No matter how difficult it would be, he would follow the others to yet another meeting, would listen to whatever plans were conjured.
Because the truth was, he had no other choice.
On the other side of the table, Ron tried very hard to look like he wasn't watching Harry.
He'd spent the whole day in the Great Hall, trying to study, trying not to think about professor McGonagall. Evading Hermione's questions about what was going on with him and Harry.
Mostly because he didn't know the answer to that. He'd been infuriated by the cold way Harry had shrugged off the whole kidnapping. As if it didn't mean anything. What good was it to have a secret Order if they were just going to sit back and watch one of them die?
He didn't know why Harry would react like that. Of course he didn't, because his best friend in the whole world didn't really talk to him. Not about the important things. Ron wasn't a complete moron; he knew there were things going on with Harry he didn't know anything about. It had taken him some time to figure it out, but now that he did, it was too obvious to ignore anymore.
Keeping his head down, he drank the last of his hot chocolate. The house elves had been right in including it on the menu tonight. Chocolate was always soothing, no matter the form.
Ron wondered if he should have a word with Harry after all. Maybe ask him for an explanation. There could well be a reason for all this. Something that would make everything all right again.
He would talk to him after the Order meeting.
Seeing most of the students were finishing their meal, Dumbledore sat up straighter, his gaze sweeping over the vast room. It was time he spoke to his people. Tomorrow would see the beginning of a new week, and they would have to deal with classes. Both Transfigurations and Potions classes would be postponed, but otherwise, life in Hogwarts had to continue.
"May I have your attention for a moment, please?" Dumbledore felt everyone look at him. "Tomorrow morning, classes will..." That was as far as he ever got with the sentence.
The enormous door leading to the main hallway banged open. A cool breeze wafting from the outer hallway made the candles flicker, and for a moment, the whole Hall was filled with ominous shadows.
A frightened silence settled over the room.
Even though the students knew there were wards around Hogwarts, there was no one who didn't feel a stab of terror right that moment. Were the Death Eaters attacking? At least it looked like someone was approaching.
"Oh my good God!" To everyone's astonishment, it was uttered by the DADA professor. She was the only person capable of speech. Everyone else simply stared.
Taking slow, pained steps, Severus Snape walked into the Great Hall. He was a shocking sight; his hair wet, glued against his head, robes torn and muddy. There were bloody scrapes on his face, the red blood a clear contrast against the chalk white skin.
He was carrying something in his arms, a limp form of a human being.
Dumbledore rose slowly to his feet. His gaze was locked on the slowly approaching man, as if he was afraid he would disappear if he let him out of his sight. "Severus..."
"You... should... probably..." Snape took one more step, swaying on his feet. He shuddered, his step faltering.
Everyone just stared as he slowly sank to his knees, the limp form in his arms firmly pressed against his chest.
The silence in the room was shattering. It was almost as if people were frozen in place. No one dared to approach the Potions master. Finally Dumbledore stepped away from the table and walked towards Snape.
He realized his hands were shaking, and did nothing to hide his shock. Not even for the sake of the students. The body lying in Snape's arms was so familiar, so heartbreakingly still. He didn't want to go close enough to confirm his terrible suspicion, but he had to.
Snape raised his head, focusing his dark gaze on the Headmaster. Struggling to get the words out, he said, "Call... for Poppy. She's barely... alive."
The words made Dumbledore halt for just a second. Then he rushed towards Snape, yelling, "Get Poppy here. Now!" The last few meters were a blur, and then he was kneeling beside the tattered figures, his hand going to brush against the mop of grey hair covering the head resting on Snape's shoulder. "Minerva..."
"Dear Merlin!" Neville's gasp echoed in the room. "It's professor McGonagall!"
It seemed to be the permission everybody needed to start talking again. Gryffindors rushed up, encircling their professors, needing to see McGonagall. Most of them were crying and smiling at the same time. At least now there was hope, no matter how faint.
Ron and Seamus had to climb over the table to reach the others, but neither seemed to care. Especially Ron didn't seem to notice anything around him. His whole attention was tuned to the scene before them.
"She's alive! Did you hear that? She's alive!" Hermione kept tugging at Harry's sleeve as she sniffed the words out. She couldn't believe this was true. After all the fear, the Head of their House was alive!
Harry patted her shoulder, smiling brightly. Yes. She was indeed alive. And Snape was back. Everything was all right again.
Madam Pomfrey appeared from the side door, hurrying through the crowd, making shooing noises as the most stunned Gryffindors didn't seem to understand to move out of her way quickly enough.
With Dumbledore's assistance, she managed to ease McGonagall on the floor. Ignoring everything else, she went to work, knowing they could still lose her.
As the mediwitch worked, the Headmaster turned to look at Snape, who was slumped on the floor. His wounds looked even worse this close up. Bringing Minerva back had not been easy.
Snape raised his gaze up from the floor again, as he felt a hand land on his shoulder. He looked into Dumbledore's eyes, swaying a little as he saw the brightness shining there.
"Oh Severus. You foolish boy. You foolish, foolish boy!" Voice thick with emotion, Dumbledore squeezed his shoulder, unable to do anything else right now.
"We need to get her to the infirmary." Madam Pomfrey's voice cut through the commotion. She stood up, replacing her wand and a couple of small vials into the small bag she carried. Glancing at the other teachers, she gestured at Hagrid to come closer. "Floating her will disrupt the stabilizing charm. Would you please carry her?"
Silent tears running down his cheeks only to disappear into his beard, Hagrid nodded a few times before bending down to lift McGonagall from the floor.
"Somebody get him to the infirmary as well!" Pointing at Snape, Madam Pomfrey hurried to follow the half-giant out of the Great Hall. Most of the professors rushed after them.
An eerie silence fell in the vast room.
Harry turned to look at the Slytherin table. Every one of the Slytherins were still sitting there, looking completely poleaxed. Draco Malfoy seemed to be saying something over and over again, but there was no sound whatsoever coming from his mouth. All his housemates seemed as stunned.
None of them got up to see how Snape was doing. They all just sat and stared.
"Come on, Severus." Smiling a little, Dumbledore nudged the Potions master gently. "You heard Poppy. You should get up now."
Snape took a deep breath and then nodded.
The motion seemed to break a spell. Some of the students left the Slytherin table, walking towards the Head of their House. Blaise Zabini seemed to be the first one to react.
Seeing Dumbledore move to help Snape up, Harry stepped forward as well. He could help. Snape looked so weak he'd probably fall on his face if he didn't have someone to lean on.
"I... can manage... just fine." It was amazing how cool the words were, when Snape's voice was so weak. Declining the Headmaster's offered help, he slowly climbed to his feet. He noticed Harry standing close by, and his black eyes burned with a very clear message.
Realizing Snape did definitely not want his help, Harry stood back and watched in silence as Snape walked out of the room. It looked painful, the slow measured steps the man took. He didn't allow any of the pain show on his face, his expression a cold mask.
"I believe it's best if you all went to your Houses now." Dumbledore turned to address the students before he reached for the door. "Prefects, would you please?" The polite tones just barely softened the command.
There was a rush of movement, people hurrying to obey.
"Are you coming?" Something made Hermione ask that. She'd seen the expression on her friend's face, and knew it was quite probable that he'd disappear for the night again.
Harry shook his head, not even bothering to hide his intentions. "No. Don't worry about me. I'll be all right." With that, he headed towards the side door.
No one really paid any attention to him. People were smiling and laughing, happy to be on their way to their common rooms. The teachers and the prefects herded the crowd towards the staircases, urging even the petrified Slytherins to leave the Great Hall.
Slipping out of the side door through which Snape and Dumbledore had disappeared a moment ago, Harry inhaled deeply. He knew there was an idiotic smile on his lips, but didn't care.
He knew his friends would want to know why he'd left, not to mention Sirius. His godfather would probably be frantic, searching for him in the Gryffindor tower, sniffing around for his scent. All the explanations could wait. He needed to do this now.
It was strange. He couldn't explain any of this to himself so that it made sense. Had no idea why he felt he had to be here, trailing the annoying Potions master. The man who would definitely not want his company right now. Still, here he was.
He wasn't surprised to see Snape leaning against the wall only a few steps away from the door. It was clear he was at the end of his rope. The Headmaster was standing at his side.
"Would it have hurt you to show your humanity in front of the children this once?" Dumbledore sounded sad. He saw Harry approach, and smiled gently. "Harry. Help me get this stubborn man into the infirmary before he collapses."
Harry was glad to comply, slipping close to Snape, and wrapping his arm around his waist. On the other side of the man, Dumbledore was copying his movements.
"I do not... need the assistance... of the greatest... nuisance of the... wizarding world," Snape ground out from between his teeth.
"Nevertheless, I will help you." Twinkle in his eyes, Dumbledore started their way across the corridors. "And I believe Harry won't mind this either."
Deciding it was extremely wise not to comment on that, Harry simply grinned at the Headmaster. Without any further delay, they headed towards the infirmary.
